aching loneliness - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

harmony06 · 03-14-2007, 01:38 PM

does anyone else have a problem with loneliness? there are times that i'm so lonely that i hurt and feel so devestated that i don't know what to do about it, i don't like having friends because then you end up with company when you don't want it, yet by not having friends you never have company and end up totaly loney like i am right now. i can't for the life of me figure out what the hell i want. if i can't figure it out then who on earth will?
my problem is that i want friends at my convenince, isn't that stupid? that sure wouldn't work well. how selfish would that be?

even if i want friends i wouldn't even know where to begin. i'm very shy, to a fault, and always feel like i say the wrong things at the wrong times. either that or i have a tendency to do stupid things and then feel awful.

could someone please help me figure out why it is that i feel this way? it sure doesn't seem right.

ErylFlynn · 03-14-2007, 01:45 PM

I have many of those same feelings, and I am do not have bipolar disorder. It isn't easy to be alone, and some times we make choices that end with us being alone. I have a hard time with the idea of people being in my life that are not true friends, and will not reach out to people fearing it won't make it that far.

You are not alone in this feeling.

emeraldeyes114 · 03-14-2007, 08:46 PM

Harmony sadly there are many who go through this and hearing how you aren't alone doesn't always help sometimes. I joined boards and the like not just for advice, or to help, but to have a connection with people when I can bear it. I have friends who know and understand how I am that I don't always want to talk. I am not good at social stuff or even with how I try to explain things often for me writing it down is much better. I have lost of mental stuff lately as far as memory or recalling what something is called. It hasn't helped that either. I do get lonely I guess like a lot of people. I also see that sometimes I can be in a room full of people and still be alone. I am sort of the thinker and tend to live at peace within my own head. I know that place and it is there in whatever way I need it to be. Unfortunately it doesn't help me do any better with social situations either. Slowly I have been trying to get more involved with people other then on the net. It's not going well but not bad either. I recognize it takes time and baby steps to get where I need to be. But I believe through effort I will make it. There are ways to meet people and be friends in what ways that are comfortable to you. You know setting boundaries the whole nine yards. Once you know something sometimes it is much harder to break it for something that might be a bit scary and new.

Emerald