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Old 03-26-2007, 06:53 PM   #1
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deedeehurtn HB User
Question can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

hi everyone... gosh i feel like i rather die then to have to suffer one more day w/out feeling this pressure then to be alive??? need out of this pain. i feel like i'am the one w/ bi-polar... well marsh and eyes and everyone else whom talked w/ me yesterday... made me feel so good and i did finally had a good nights sleep... well like i said after a couple of days he'll call and try to hear me cryiong or hurting or begging please don't leave and i love you and what did i do so bad??? well remember i asked about tough love??? well he called today and said dee can we get together and sit down and resolve this and decide how gets what so we can have lawyers draw up the papers... like last time...which i cried and begged and pleaded i don't want a divorce all we need is counseling and try to make this work... we have something woth saving,etc.etc.etc..... well today i was very calm- no pain in my voice what so ever- ( it was hard as hell) but i did it!!!!! i just said no we don;t need to do that and to go and take care of it i will not fight this, it can be a uncontested divorce,, i can't live like this, etc... agree and was like ok,ok,ok to whatever he was saying... then as usual he wants to tell me he'll always love me and cares for me and as long as i'am ok then he'll be ok!!!! and wanted to talk about how he was sorry for turning my phone off this past weekend- he was just mad etc, i just said this is all errealavant - apology accepted and there's no need to go into this.. for him to go and do what he needs to do... i'am ok....didn't feed into anything. we hung up and called back less then 5 minutes later and (at my work) and asked for one of his vendor's phone # he's military and i am a supplier for military- which i know for a fact he could of gotten or had this vendors number cause this is their main supplier- i gave it to him- he said thanks and that was it- this was all around 2 today well at 6:08 he calls and leaves a message on my phone asking me to call him cause there's importany questions he needs to ask me... i called and i feel as if he was reaching out cause i did what eyes said--- i had to break the pattern- no crying whatever or asking questions - he reacted today cause he didn't hear me hurting- i hread in my voice ok whatever- leave me alone-(i was very nice ) well i didn't return the call i got another one at 6;14 then at 6:29... so i finally returned his call and asked what's up- he said he needed my maiden name- gave it to him- asked for ss# told him well when you left you took all our tax info. and so you have it w/ you.... he's living on base campground in our rv- he had them!!!!!!!!!!!! so i gave it to him... then he goes on to say well i'am writting papers up and giving them to the lawyer and it's gonna cost $500.00 to get seperation papers done and i don't want you to jerk me around!!! ( crazy huh) well everything i said or anyone i mentioned he acted very jealous!!!!!! i ignored it.. he proceeds to tell me what he gonna give me... well this is what we have.
hummer-2004 jeep-dodge 5th wheel-2 jet skis-3motor cycles-a 40ft.rv w/slide out-a golf cart-a 400,00. home, 20k in the bank-(bi-polar spending he loves his toys)... i only beleive he wanted a reaction from me to see if he could get me upset today since i was soooooooo strong today on the phone... we do own the titles to all of this except for the rv and 1 chopper motorcycle he just bought last week ( he was mooding????) so he tells me well dee i'am gonna give you the jeep- and the 60k we both put down on the business and that it and oh yeah i took 20k oout the bank- plus he took 6k to put down on this new bike and left me w/ 5k......... this is soooo crazy!!! like that is all i didn't respond i said it wasn't fair but this is his SHOW!!! so do whatever you think is right and see what the lawyer says ( even his lawyer will think he's off his rocker) told him i don't want this to get ugly- i'll always love him... but i'am not discussing this...... he said he had to go and i said me too very quickly and hung up.... he called back w/in 5 minutes why did you hang up??????? is he purposly trying to torment me???? or can he not handle i can't play any more... i'am not feeding into this!!!! he asked if i could leave the keys to one of his motorcycles at the neighbors i told him i had alot of errands to do and wasn't gonna be home cause i just can't see him right now- cause he'll only try to hurt me and i didn't want him to see the pain i'am in now and the bags under my eyes from all the sleepless nights i've had.... i said ok i'am walking out the door in a few i will.... goes on dee please i'am begging you... i said ooookkkkk... nicely said well thank you very much dee. i said my bye- in a nice but disgusted tone as if i don;t have time for this!!!
IS THIS THE WAYS IT'S GONNA BE?????? I'AM CALLING HIM AND BREAKING DOWN ANY MORE AND HE'S NPW PLAYING MY ROLE!!! YOU ALL WERE SO RIGHT THAT I NEEDED TO BREAK THE PATTERN!!!!! but now i feel as if i'am back at square one... knocked down... he never knew that today... apart of me said him calling nd writting everything out for the lawyers was all bs cause if he wanted this divorce he wouldn't need my approval... do it!!!! it hurts to be strong... i was having such a good day til this all started... i don't want to beleive he really wants this divorce- he mentioned today that he doesn't like what he's become and he's ashamed of himself and he needs to take time for him self--- am i turning my back on him... am i doing the right thing..... i'am sooo confused, he made me feel when he was telling me what he was gonna be put in the papers that i wasn't worth anything or deserved anything!!!!! i need some advice asap... i feel as if i can't breathe but i can't break for his benefit either..

 
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Old 03-26-2007, 07:16 PM   #2
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by deedeehurtn View Post
hi everyone... gosh i feel like i rather die then to have to suffer one more day w/out feeling this pressure then to be alive??? need out of this pain. i feel like i'am the one w/ bi-polar... well marsh and eyes and everyone else whom talked w/ me yesterday... made me feel so good and i did finally had a good nights sleep... well like i said after a couple of days he'll call and try to hear me cryiong or hurting or begging please don't leave and i love you and what did i do so bad??? well remember i asked about tough love??? well he called today and said dee can we get together and sit down and resolve this and decide how gets what so we can have lawyers draw up the papers... like last time...which i cried and begged and pleaded i don't want a divorce all we need is counseling and try to make this work... we have something woth saving,etc.etc.etc..... well today i was very calm- no pain in my voice what so ever- ( it was hard as hell) but i did it!!!!! i just said no we don;t need to do that and to go and take care of it i will not fight this, it can be a uncontested divorce,, i can't live like this, etc... agree and was like ok,ok,ok to whatever he was saying... then as usual he wants to tell me he'll always love me and cares for me and as long as i'am ok then he'll be ok!!!! and wanted to talk about how he was sorry for turning my phone off this past weekend- he was just mad etc, i just said this is all errealavant - apology accepted and there's no need to go into this.. for him to go and do what he needs to do... i'am ok....didn't feed into anything. we hung up and called back less then 5 minutes later and (at my work) and asked for one of his vendor's phone # he's military and i am a supplier for military- which i know for a fact he could of gotten or had this vendors number cause this is their main supplier- i gave it to him- he said thanks and that was it- this was all around 2 today well at 6:08 he calls and leaves a message on my phone asking me to call him cause there's importany questions he needs to ask me... i called and i feel as if he was reaching out cause i did what eyes said--- i had to break the pattern- no crying whatever or asking questions - he reacted today cause he didn't hear me hurting- i hread in my voice ok whatever- leave me alone-(i was very nice ) well i didn't return the call i got another one at 6;14 then at 6:29... so i finally returned his call and asked what's up- he said he needed my maiden name- gave it to him- asked for ss# told him well when you left you took all our tax info. and so you have it w/ you.... he's living on base campground in our rv- he had them!!!!!!!!!!!! so i gave it to him... then he goes on to say well i'am writting papers up and giving them to the lawyer and it's gonna cost $500.00 to get seperation papers done and i don't want you to jerk me around!!! ( crazy huh) well everything i said or anyone i mentioned he acted very jealous!!!!!! i ignored it.. he proceeds to tell me what he gonna give me... well this is what we have.
hummer-2004 jeep-dodge 5th wheel-2 jet skis-3motor cycles-a 40ft.rv w/slide out-a golf cart-a 400,00. home, 20k in the bank-(bi-polar spending he loves his toys)... i only beleive he wanted a reaction from me to see if he could get me upset today since i was soooooooo strong today on the phone... we do own the titles to all of this except for the rv and 1 chopper motorcycle he just bought last week ( he was mooding????) so he tells me well dee i'am gonna give you the jeep- and the 60k we both put down on the business and that it and oh yeah i took 20k oout the bank- plus he took 6k to put down on this new bike and left me w/ 5k......... this is soooo crazy!!! like that is all i didn't respond i said it wasn't fair but this is his SHOW!!! so do whatever you think is right and see what the lawyer says ( even his lawyer will think he's off his rocker) told him i don't want this to get ugly- i'll always love him... but i'am not discussing this...... he said he had to go and i said me too very quickly and hung up.... he called back w/in 5 minutes why did you hang up??????? is he purposly trying to torment me???? or can he not handle i can't play any more... i'am not feeding into this!!!! he asked if i could leave the keys to one of his motorcycles at the neighbors i told him i had alot of errands to do and wasn't gonna be home cause i just can't see him right now- cause he'll only try to hurt me and i didn't want him to see the pain i'am in now and the bags under my eyes from all the sleepless nights i've had.... i said ok i'am walking out the door in a few i will.... goes on dee please i'am begging you... i said ooookkkkk... nicely said well thank you very much dee. i said my bye- in a nice but disgusted tone as if i don;t have time for this!!!
IS THIS THE WAYS IT'S GONNA BE?????? I'AM CALLING HIM AND BREAKING DOWN ANY MORE AND HE'S NPW PLAYING MY ROLE!!! YOU ALL WERE SO RIGHT THAT I NEEDED TO BREAK THE PATTERN!!!!! but now i feel as if i'am back at square one... knocked down... he never knew that today... apart of me said him calling nd writting everything out for the lawyers was all bs cause if he wanted this divorce he wouldn't need my approval... do it!!!! it hurts to be strong... i was having such a good day til this all started... i don't want to beleive he really wants this divorce- he mentioned today that he doesn't like what he's become and he's ashamed of himself and he needs to take time for him self--- am i turning my back on him... am i doing the right thing..... i'am sooo confused, he made me feel when he was telling me what he was gonna be put in the papers that i wasn't worth anything or deserved anything!!!!! i need some advice asap... i feel as if i can't breathe but i can't break for his benefit either..
Hold On......
My dear deedee..

What you just said above is in your Emotion.
It is in his emotion to...amd he is in BPD ..big time.

Step back ...take a "Time Out'....Look what your days were before with our support.

We will Support You .....Take a deep Breath

Other will come to your support....

And .. Most of all....

You WILL, Carry On.

Eyes

 
Old 03-26-2007, 07:20 PM   #3
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marshmallow HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Hello dee dee sorry you had such a bad day but first thing is you are trying to make sense of what he does and you will not be able to. He sounds very much like my husband changing what he thinks or feels within minutes. The thing is at this time he does think what he is doing is right and you are wrong. I tried for so long to rationalize what was going on but after talking to people here I came to understand how it really was. In a few days he could completely change gears but as it has been said you have to have respect and let him know he must get help because you will not live this way. He knows you love him and will be there BUT he has to know you will not take abuse. I know dee its hard even tonight I feel alone and lonely but there is nothing I can do.

 
Old 03-26-2007, 07:53 PM   #4
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emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

It is hard to love someone and to let them go. The heart doesn't quit even when it is hurting. I always said I would rather be with someone for all the right reasons then the wrong ones. I met my fiance and knew he was Bipolar as am I. I loved him, supported him, encouraged him, believed in him, and in the end it wasn't enough. For some you can never prove your love enough. My fiance would say he loved me and wanted us to have a future. His actions said otherwise or he would introduce me not as his fiance but his friend. It hurt. The messages were conflicting. He broke it off for some not so understandable reasons and I kept begging him to reconsider. It hurt so much..the reason I am telling you this is because over time I began to see how his ill health was affecting me. In the beginning, it was horrible and I cried all the time. As time went by and things began to get a little clearer I cried less and started to heal from the experience. It doesn't mean that I quit loving, or caring about him but I knew or realized we were poison for each other. I know your husband is not exactly like that but in some ways he is. Because his illness is having drastic effects on your life and how you feel about things. Give yourself some room to breath and know that we are here for ya. We will listen, give hugs, encourage, support you through this rough time.

Emerald

 
Old 03-26-2007, 07:56 PM   #5
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deedeehurtn HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EYESTWO22 View Post
Hold On......
My dear deedee..

What you just said above is in your Emotion.
It is in his emotion to...amd he is in BPD ..big time.

Step back ...take a "Time Out'....Look what your days were before with our support.

We will Support You .....Take a deep Breath

Other will come to your support....

And .. Most of all....

You WILL, Carry On.

Eyes
thanks i feel so drained...... i hope this is all his emotions and he will see that what he's doing to me is only making me run away....... like today i jsut don't even want to see his face but then @ i hang up i melt, and it starts all over again me feeling like gosh!!! does he really want this? when it can be fixed! oh gosh and i know that man loves me ( i hope ) cause tonight he was upset to find out his sister is coming in town this weekend and she's going through a divorce he was so jealous that i will even be near her??? if he doesn't want me just let me go..... and rid me of this pain once and for all...cause i want to be able to breathe!!!!!!!

 
Old 03-26-2007, 08:33 PM   #6
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deedeehurtn HB User
Unhappy Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emeraldeyes114 View Post
It is hard to love someone and to let them go. The heart doesn't quit even when it is hurting. I always said I would rather be with someone for all the right reasons then the wrong ones. I met my fiance and knew he was Bipolar as am I. I loved him, supported him, encouraged him, believed in him, and in the end it wasn't enough. For some you can never prove your love enough. My fiance would say he loved me and wanted us to have a future. His actions said otherwise or he would introduce me not as his fiance but his friend. It hurt. The messages were conflicting. He broke it off for some not so understandable reasons and I kept begging him to reconsider. It hurt so much..the reason I am telling you this is because over time I began to see how his ill health was affecting me. In the beginning, it was horrible and I cried all the time. As time went by and things began to get a little clearer I cried less and started to heal from the experience. It doesn't mean that I quit loving, or caring about him but I knew or realized we were poison for each other. I know your husband is not exactly like that but in some ways he is. Because his illness is having drastic effects on your life and how you feel about things. Give yourself some room to breath and know that we are here for ya. We will listen, give hugs, encourage, support you through this rough time.

Emerald
thanks i feel so good after talking to all of your'll hopefully it'ions talking- again i don;t think he likes the fact that i'am not feeding into this even tough it's hard and when i respond to him it's as if ok- well i'am not going to try to hold onto this any longer cause it hurts and i'am ready to move on- tough love i call it!!! and tonight i noticed he didn't like that so he was a little more nice - wasn't mean or throw in my face he doesn't want me etc... just made up stupid excuses to call me, i need to break the pattern of being so openly and crying and acting like some weeping sick pupppy!!! i'am 38 years old... my gosh! sometimes i get angery cause what did i do to deserve this. why did i fall in love w/ a bp person??? when i know i have so much to give to someone... and why can't i let him go?????? i'am really trying so hard!!!! i play this role on the phone w/ him and then once i hang up i just crumple!!!! i read something that bp is a cycle- they come down????? and they become the person we onced loved am i right???? well i think he maybe going on that route??? no telling though it could switch in a blink of an eye! but i'am hoping he is... so he can say wow dee seems like she's done w/ me ( getting stronger ) even if it's for his eyes only... and then realize gosh i need to do something for i really lose her, and say to himself, i treated her bad... and he seeks the help he needs??? is this wishful thinking. you said you were bi-polar right? are yo stable now/on meds? don't mean to pry but i feel like i can't learn enough about bp- it's consumed my everythought!!! it's all i don is read and study this and it helps to talk to someone about this who been on the other side.... you're here w/ us all tonight and that says alot about you as a person and god-bless and i'll pray for you everyday.....does bi-polar people actually see or ealize the hurt and pain they do? my husband shows no remorse- just says sorry and that's it.. like it should be dropped and forgotten. oh my you're right about my health. i got some anti-depression meds today- nerves about taking them but i will tonight- i just got wellbrutrin. thanks for your thoughts.... i feel this site and people i talk to understands my pain more then friends and family

 
Old 03-26-2007, 08:37 PM   #7
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deedeehurtn HB User
Question Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marshmallow View Post
Hello dee dee sorry you had such a bad day but first thing is you are trying to make sense of what he does and you will not be able to. He sounds very much like my husband changing what he thinks or feels within minutes. The thing is at this time he does think what he is doing is right and you are wrong. I tried for so long to rationalize what was going on but after talking to people here I came to understand how it really was. In a few days he could completely change gears but as it has been said you have to have respect and let him know he must get help because you will not live this way. He knows you love him and will be there BUT he has to know you will not take abuse. I know dee its hard even tonight I feel alone and lonely but there is nothing I can do.
i wished we could all take each others pain away and this sicken disease...i've learned alot from you... i hope i showed him tonight that i wasn't reacting the same... i was exhausted. i really beleive the reason he called was to get an reaction out of me, i beleives it makes himself feel better/ more justified.. does that make sense??

 
Old 03-26-2007, 09:24 PM   #8
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suddenlyhere HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

i really beleive the reason he called was to get an reaction out of me, i beleives it makes himself feel better/ more justified.. does that make sense

Hi D,

Sorry you have had such a horrible day. You will get stronger, and you already sound like you are getting there. I could not have got through this (and continue to deal with this) without the support of the wonderful people of this forum, amazing freinds, and family members. Family and Freinds, dont understand the illness, but I know that they love and care about me.

Your comment above, absolutely makes sense. From what I have read an unmedicated manic bp feeds off this anger, tension, and chaos.
I know that my xspouse is doing all that he is to try and make himself feel better (and its not working) So he tries harder. Its like if he can do this, maybe it will be true. Maybe its not him at all, and its all about you.

Its not you. Its him. One day he will realise. For the time being you need to get strong and take care of yourself. I would financially protect yourself if you can, see a lawyer to find out the lay of the land. (ie is there a minimum time that you must be seperated prior to a divorce etc) Your h/b cannot keep this up indefinetly, he will crash at some point in time.

Just keep breathing, take one breath at a time, and you will get there.

 
Old 03-26-2007, 09:37 PM   #9
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emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

I for a time would ask myself how I ever fell in love with someone who was Bipolar. In some ways I think we hit it off because we did have that in common and thought it would be easier to understand where the other was coming from. I don't think either of us realized we would trigger each other so badly. I have done a lot of reading, asking questions, and listening to what others have to say on the subject. Some of it has been a tremendous source of help and some of it has been well not so much but each view or experience is unique in many facets just as the people are that are involved. Though for me I do understand that Bipolar or not I am responsible for what I do or say. When I am in the height of a manic phase full blown it all seems true and logical. Meaning you could talk and try to reason till your blue or dead and it makes no difference whatsoever. Later on when the guilt comes on for the things I have said or done it falls into a depression usually pretty deep even if no one witnessed the events or statements themselves. For a long time I would blame how I felt on anyone didn't matter who it was easier then saying hey yeap screwed up need to take a new direction with this stuff. I did finally realize or begin to grow up when I took responsibilty saying it is my fault and not blaming it on everyone else. I think that is probably the first step is taking Bipolar and accepting it as much as possible. In your position you are not in place to do that only he can and so far he doesn't sound as if he is willing to do so. You can't make him or the anaology would be you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. It's the same with him.

I know this site has shown me more compassion even when I don't start a thread or post then my whole family put together. I see tough people who have gone through tough situations and have gotten inspiration from them. Their words of strength, courage, and the will to keep fighting even when they are exhausted give me hope that I can do the same in my own life. I think this a good solid place and it helps to try and understand just how others with this illness think or behave. You can only do so much and I am glad to see that you are taking steps to help yourself outside of this group. That is as important as remembering you are not to blame, you did nothing wrong to deserve any of this to begin with, and that sometimes letting go though hard is the only way to save not only ourselves but the one we love.

I am so sorry this is so long. I can be windy. Things with time, and patience will get better. I do truly believe that even if it might not feel like it at the moment.

Emerald

 
Old 03-26-2007, 09:44 PM   #10
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suddenlyhere HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Well said Emerald. Right on. Not long and windy. Honest, and caring.

 
Old 03-27-2007, 04:34 AM   #11
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Deedee :

Well, you made it through the Night

Three (3) angles :Marsh,Emerald and Suddenly came to your side to give their love and support.

A suggestion would be : start your day by re-reading their posts,again.
Then take some deep Breaths and say, I Respect Myself and I will be only Responsible for My own Actions.

And My DH has to be Responsible For His Actions.

Now, You will go forth with Power in your Eyes.....And the Sun on your Shoulders

Carry On,

Eyes

 
Old 03-27-2007, 06:23 AM   #12
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deedeehurtn HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EYESTWO22 View Post
Deedee :

Well, you made it through the Night

Three (3) angles :Marsh,Emerald and Suddenly came to your side to give their love and support.

A suggestion would be : start your day by re-reading their posts,again.
Then take some deep Breaths and say, I Respect Myself and I will be only Responsible for My own Actions.

And My DH has to be Responsible For His Actions.

Now, You will go forth with Power in your Eyes.....And the Sun on your Shoulders

Carry On,

Eyes
hi you!!! yes i did wow! after spending time here on this site and with you i am able to sleep at you.. what powerful words. i actually wrote what you just said down and put in my pocket- my mornings are usually the hardest- but this morning it was ssslllooww but ok. thank you and i've been doing alot of praying not just for me and my situation but for my husband and all of you as well!!! you guys are all great!!! i hope all is quite today and i have a better day then yesterday......i can only move forward. right! even if i'am in pain.

 
Old 03-27-2007, 06:38 AM   #13
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deedeehurtn HB User
Smile Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by emeraldeyes114 View Post
I for a time would ask myself how I ever fell in love with someone who was Bipolar. In some ways I think we hit it off because we did have that in common and thought it would be easier to understand where the other was coming from. I don't think either of us realized we would trigger each other so badly. I have done a lot of reading, asking questions, and listening to what others have to say on the subject. Some of it has been a tremendous source of help and some of it has been well not so much but each view or experience is unique in many facets just as the people are that are involved. Though for me I do understand that Bipolar or not I am responsible for what I do or say. When I am in the height of a manic phase full blown it all seems true and logical. Meaning you could talk and try to reason till your blue or dead and it makes no difference whatsoever. Later on when the guilt comes on for the things I have said or done it falls into a depression usually pretty deep even if no one witnessed the events or statements themselves. For a long time I would blame how I felt on anyone didn't matter who it was easier then saying hey yeap screwed up need to take a new direction with this stuff. I did finally realize or begin to grow up when I took responsibilty saying it is my fault and not blaming it on everyone else. I think that is probably the first step is taking Bipolar and accepting it as much as possible. In your position you are not in place to do that only he can and so far he doesn't sound as if he is willing to do so. You can't make him or the anaology would be you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. It's the same with him.

I know this site has shown me more compassion even when I don't start a thread or post then my whole family put together. I see tough people who have gone through tough situations and have gotten inspiration from them. Their words of strength, courage, and the will to keep fighting even when they are exhausted give me hope that I can do the same in my own life. I think this a good solid place and it helps to try and understand just how others with this illness think or behave. You can only do so much and I am glad to see that you are taking steps to help yourself outside of this group. That is as important as remembering you are not to blame, you did nothing wrong to deserve any of this to begin with, and that sometimes letting go though hard is the only way to save not only ourselves but the one we love.

I am so sorry this is so long. I can be windy. Things with time, and patience will get better. I do truly believe that even if it might not feel like it at the moment.

Emerald
thanks sooo much i needed to hear your words- it helps emerald it really does... i feel and wish i can take away your pain as well- sorry for the lost of your love but you seem very strong... this is the first time i came to this site i wished i knew about this before ( the other 3 episodes) well my husband needs to realize what he's doing your right, and apart of me think he's finally realizing something?????? cause he's been saying alot to everyone- he doesn't like who he is and has become, and he needs to work on himself???? well we'll see but for the first time he's starting to say things like that.... maybe like you said when he comes down he's feeling the guilt... but as hard as it is i am biting the bullet and not letting him know that i'am torn up inside cause he switches into that mode to where he feels as if he has control... and i know it'll only get worse if he doesn't receive help cause he's about to retire in 4 months from the military (25) years of service and this i know is scaring him and he's like a fish out of water, and i can't be around and be that target for him, as much as it hurts... i'am not giving up... i'am just trying to show him ok i've had enough you can't hurt me anymore.... even though he's killing me inside.... i prayed so long and hard i mean really hard last night for us all, emerald you and eyes have been so great i can not express how much i feel such a relief knowing you two are here and helping us... havin the diseas and letting us see and understand this through your'lls eyes!!! how caring is that... people like myself and marshmellow needs this... thanks so much!!!!! by readin what everyone has said i can have the strengh to begin my day today.

 
Old 03-27-2007, 06:49 AM   #14
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deedeehurtn HB User
Smile Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by suddenlyhere View Post
i really beleive the reason he called was to get an reaction out of me, i beleives it makes himself feel better/ more justified.. does that make sense

Hi D,

Sorry you have had such a horrible day. You will get stronger, and you already sound like you are getting there. I could not have got through this (and continue to deal with this) without the support of the wonderful people of this forum, amazing freinds, and family members. Family and Freinds, dont understand the illness, but I know that they love and care about me.

Your comment above, absolutely makes sense. From what I have read an unmedicated manic bp feeds off this anger, tension, and chaos.
I know that my xspouse is doing all that he is to try and make himself feel better (and its not working) So he tries harder. Its like if he can do this, maybe it will be true. Maybe its not him at all, and its all about you.

Its not you. Its him. One day he will realise. For the time being you need to get strong and take care of yourself. I would financially protect yourself if you can, see a lawyer to find out the lay of the land. (ie is there a minimum time that you must be seperated prior to a divorce etc) Your h/b cannot keep this up indefinetly, he will crash at some point in time.

Just keep breathing, take one breath at a time, and you will get there.
lol!!!! guess i'am talking top a pro here huh???? the less reaction he got out of me yesterday the more he tried to get one... like whose gonna get what,what he's gonna give me, etc. but i'am not responding. i'am going to see a lawyer tomorrow cause i'am afraid he'll end up hurting us financially...and i told my husband that i do not want a divorce cause when we're good-it's great! so much love but when this comes up it's as if he hates me and wishes me dead... and until he gets help ( we will remain seperated) nothing will change and we'll be right back where we started!!!! so i rather get through this one more time rather then 3 more????? i feel like this forum is saving my life!!! i went through this 7 months ago lost so much weight was down to 100lbs, couldn't work my business was failing, smoking 2 packs a cigs a day, i couldn't function and i blamed myself... i blamed myself for him saying the things he did and i was a person whom wasn't woth loving.... well when he left i felt that pressure coming on again and i wanted to learn more about this situation and guess what!!!! i beleive god led me here to you all..... thanks... i am praying for us all....

 
Old 03-27-2007, 07:31 AM   #15
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: can i make it? today was bad-help!!!! where's eyes?

DeeDee ~ I am sooo glad to see that you are gathering up the strength to get through this without losing yourself in it all. You are handling things well and we are proud of you.

Yes, taking good care of yourself and not allowing this to wear you down is what is most important. I think that it is sooo wise that you are going to a lawyer to make sure that you protect yourself and your assets. I think that your husband needs to know that there are going to be personal consequences to his actions and the sooner he realizes that the sooner he will seek out the help that he needs.

I think that IF he brings you to a financial debt that anything that has your name on the title that could pay it off should be sold. Check into your legal rights regarding that but if he takes off and is spending money like crazy you need to make sure that you are legally protected from being liable for any of that debt.

Yes, plug along and don't allow him to take away anymore of your self worth or dignity. You can still love him and love yourself too.....and part of loving yourself is making sure that you are respected and taking care of your emotional and physical needs.

Keep up the good work and know that we are standing right beside you.

Love ~ Goody

 
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