Bp teen, know it all and won't listen! HELP - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

arvc · 04-16-2007, 04:32 PM

My bp son is 15 and 70% of the time is a good kid. The last 6 months or so he's changed and feels superior in all things. He believes he is much smarter and "wiser". No matter what I say he argues with it to no end. If I say grass is green, he says it is a brownish tannish shade of hunter green. Yes this does matter to him. I said blockbuster sells 2 items(games and videos) he argued to no end that they sell candy, popcorn, game accesories and such also, and implied duh mom.Yes this does matter also. He went on for 30 minutes about it. He believes I dislike him and no matter what I say and how much I do for him, he still says it. No I don't cave to him and try to prove I do. He will say it's warm when it's 30 degrees and will put on shorts, obviously this leads to an arguement. He purposely waits until it's time to leave to cook something to eat or change clothes and stalls because he knows we "must" be on time. He has sat in the middle of the floor and refused to move. He is now 5'11" and 175lbs, it's a little hard to force him. He could care less if he loses privileges or allowance money. He seems to love confrontation lately and seeks it out. It is hard not to engage back with him when we have a schedule to meet. He does have a dr and has been on the same meds for years, they do work if he'll stay on them. I love my son and have always held him accountable for his bp actions. I do this because I love him and because society will not be his momma. He does have bp but it is not who he has to be. I have always been able to help him and to manage his bp, how do I do that now that he seeks and arguement and no punishment seems to work? I understand bp and that it's not easy to be a bp, but it's not easy to have a child disrespectful and disobeying. He can use every scientific term to describe everything and then ask why you don't understand. I am college educated but he's a genius really. He is smart, but lacks the wisdom of age and experience. Please help!

goody2shuz · 04-16-2007, 07:18 PM

Hi.....been there and done that.

I think that the best thing you can do is to try to disengage yourself from any arguments that may be ensuing. Seems like so long as he has a willing and able participant this will continue. I would come up with a one liner statement that gives your son a clear message that you are not going to engage in his conversation when he starts in. Something like, "Johnny drop it...I am not going down this road again with you." and then walk away. If he continues to badger you then tell him that he is invading your personal space and to leave. If he doesn't then go to the bathroom and remove yourself from his presence. Be consistent with this and after a while he WILL get the message.

It sounds as if your son may be hypomanic....during this time their behavior takes on an attitude that they know what is right for them and no matter how they go about it getting it is their goal. It is a grandiosity of thinking that they are above everybody else and it's their way of thinking and nothing else.

You didn't mention his meds but perhaps it is time to bring this to his doctor's attention so that he can make some adjustments that may help out with this behavior.

I hope that this helps you some....I remember the days when EVERYTHING was an argument....I could say the sky is blue and to her it was definitely grey.

It's easier if you just let these things bounce off of you.

You sound like a wonderful mom and your son is lucky to have you. Hang in there and feel free to come here with any of your concerns....there are other moms here who have teens with BP who will be able to help you out with similar situations that we experience. My daughter is 15 and we are still fairly new to all of this and it is definitely a challenge in terms of learning how to best handle things as well as as finding the right meds. And even when you do, things could be offset so easily requiring an adjustment in meds.

Again welcome and I hope that things get better for you and your son. It definitely is an up and down experience for the child as well as those who love him/her. Nobody knows that more than a parent of a child with BP.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

mamiacp · 04-16-2007, 08:06 PM

I second everything Goody says! Especially the part of engaging him, and I know how easy it can be to be pulled into their arguements. They can be unreasonable and want, as I call it, to hold you captive. My daughter is also 15 and for the longest time I was baited by her. A one liner is what I do, or I simply walk away. She use to persue me, even shouting through the bathroom door. Now that we are stable the one liner really works. But she still exhibits the grandiosity, and I have had to be really consistant about letting her know when she is acting this out. But I think this will only work if they are stable because otherwise they are not listeing to anything we have to say.

Does he go to therapy? I would definitely get with his doctor, especially if this is a behavior that has presented in just the past 6 months. You sound like strong mom who knows what it takes and what is best for your son.

I don't know if you read a post I wrote under Our Bipolar Kids thread. I ordered a past issue of American Scientific Mind called The Teen Mind. I partially this read at doctor's at her urging and it was soooooo interesting. It is the August/September 2006 issue.

Keep posting. There is so much wisdom here.

Cristina

Jess0518 · 04-16-2007, 08:38 PM

I also agree with what was said previously.
I myself am bipolar and can tell you first hand. You won't win. Don't give into his antics. As hard as it may be don't get yourself all worked up over it.
It definitely sounds like he is a bit manic at this point. I know when I go through my mania I think I can do anything and anything and everything I say is right. No matter what my fiance,family or even doctors say, IM RIGHT.

I too am curious about what meds he is on?

Therapy could be the answer but I wouldn't rely solely on that. I personally haven't had the best of luck in therapy and I believe it depends on the person as well as the therapists!

My number one advice would be to be patient. Of course don't let him get you feeling bad or reeling you in by any means! But try to undestand it takes time to get this disease under control. He may be trying to "Rebel" against it. Kind of "If I dont think about it or talk about it, it's not real" It's also very likely that he doesnt realize it's got a hold of him the way it does. He may think being the way he is and feeling the way he feels is just how he is. It's hard to have your eyes opened to mania, even when you are aware of the disease!

Hope my first hand point of view is somewhat helpful!

arvc · 04-17-2007, 02:42 PM

Thank you for the posts! My son is on Lithium, Risperdal, and prozac. He has been diagnosed for about 6 years, we've changed meds along time ago, but these seem to work but he is not taking them 100% of the time. This is one of those issues that is hard to avoid an arguement with. It's hard to avoid arguing when we must be somewhere at a specific time. How do you do it?He must medicate and has been hospitalized before because of atttitude resulting from the feeling that he doesn't have a problem that needs meds. He definitely is finding it difficult to admit his actions are a result of being bp. He would rather believe that all people just do not understand him and who he really is. He does not have side affects to his meds, he says. He can not admit he's wrong or that I do know whats best for him. He does see his psychiatrist every 2 months, but is not in active therapy with a psycologist. I personally feel that the therapy sessions are a waste of my time and his. Perhaps a different therapist might be an option. I love my son dearly and want the best for him, but I just want him to acknowledge(even in a small percentage) that he has problems. His constant denial that he acts "weird" or "odd" is upsetting. I really like to use the term UNIQUE as it doesn't imply a negative meaning to a child who already feels that he's misunderstood. I was married to his bp dad for over a decade(now an addict) and I know what kind of life he can be drawn into. How do I help him to understand that he is bp and get him to acknowledge he needs help sometimes? How do you force your full grown teen to take their meds when they think they really don't have problems? He does confirm he's a bp, but doesn't believe his actions are any different than anyone elses, or that he's like "those other bp's" even though he clearly is. I just want to kiss his boo boo's like I did when he was a baby and make things all better, but then I wake up and reality is still here. I try very hard to understand from his point of view while making him responsible for his foolish actions. Thank you for your advice.