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Old 05-29-2007, 11:36 AM   #1
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
"Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

It's time I start a new Thread.
There are so many wounderful people,(to many to name and you know who you are),on this Board,who have shared their thoughts,hopes,feelings and opinions about Bipolar disorder. Whether you are suffering with BP or have a loved one,spouse,or child dealing with BP;you all have the same constant challenge..living day by day.
I have said,a number of times...My Mission here is to : Guide,Encourage,and Surpport those who are dealing with Bipolar Disorder. Perhaps,one of the best ways I can meet this Mission;is to "Look Back" on my own life. A very important person,Mrs Eyes, gave me the guidence toward many years of stability. It is my hope, that all who read this thread,will receive reasureance that life with BP, can be happy and successful. Please,contribute your positive thoughts,and "Look Back" at your successes...The following is devoted to Mrs Eyes...and all of you :

Looking Back...
Over my life,I can see where I caused you strife.
But I know...yes.I know,
I'd never make that same mistake again.
Looking Back...
Over my dreams,I can see why wise men dream.
But if I'd just had a chance,
I'd never make that same mistake again.
Once my cup was over flowing (mania),
But I gave nothing in return.
Now I can't begin to tell you,
What a lesson,I have learned.
Looking Back...
Over the same,I can see when Love turn to Hate.
But I know...Oh yes...I know,
I'd never make that same mistake again.

Carry On,

 
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Old 05-29-2007, 11:46 AM   #2
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langlee HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Beautiful, Eyes! Thanks for sharing!

Hope

 
Old 05-29-2007, 12:01 PM   #3
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Eyes ~ that is such a wonderful perspective and tribute to Mrs. EYES's part in your stability and your incentive in maintaining it.

I think in looking at what Erin (my 15 almost 16 year old) experiences the most pain with is going through the BP symptoms and then feeling the remorse that follows when she realizes how it has affected others. Just yesterday she had moments of getting upset with me and moments later wrapping her arms around me telling me how much she loves me or thanking me for having her friend over. Those moments show me how she is tormented by the parts of the disorder that she needs to tame....I know that she will eventually learn how to do that but being a teenager makes it all the more difficult.

Anyway...thanks for sharing your perspective on things....it helps me to see that my understanding isn't that off for a non-BPer .

Keep Carrying on, EYES, because you are so good at doing just that!!

Love ~ Goody

 
Old 05-29-2007, 12:02 PM   #4
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Dee-nah HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

That was beautiful! Thank you for reminding me the true meaning of stability!

Last edited by Dee-nah; 05-29-2007 at 01:13 PM.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 01:02 PM   #5
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

I know you asked for positive input but I have to say I tried to be supportive to my husband in so many ways but only to be pushed away for trying. It is so discouraging to me that I could not help my husband but he turned me away for loving him.
What you wrote was beautiful.

Last edited by marshmallow; 05-29-2007 at 05:25 PM.

 
Old 05-29-2007, 01:18 PM   #6
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

wow that was insightful and inspiring. I only hope that one day my BPH will learn the same lesson

 
Old 05-29-2007, 02:16 PM   #7
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

That was really wonderful and something I think I really needed to hear. At the moment, so many things are in turmoil in my life. And the thing is, I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, knowing that it won't turn out any different but hoping that maybe something will change. I'm referring to my relationship, or lack thereof, with my adoptive dad, Mark. I keep reaching out to him and it'll work for a little while, then I'm shot down again when he gets a new girlfriend or what have you. I know things are going to turn out badly, but I want so terribly to have some kind of relationship with him. I don't want to graduate from high school and be pressured to give him an invitation - I want to give him one because I want him to come - not because I'm guilted into it. I'm trying to get out of the catch-22 but it's hard...That and homework. I skip it often when I don't feel like doing it or I'm in some sort of episode or whatever. It seems that whatever I fall into, I fall into again and again, no matter how I try to deal with it. That's the one thing that I have to work on the most while dealing with this disorder - figuring out what are my weaknesses and getting through them so I don't make the same mistakes over and over again. Thanks for your sage advice.

Paige
__________________
Bipolar Ultradian Cycler
400mg. Lamictal
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1mg. Klonopin
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I'm not crazy ~ I'm mentally interesting!

 
Old 05-30-2007, 04:08 AM   #8
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

It's good to hear from those who have posted,and I thank you for the positive comments.

Perhaps,"Looking Back" on our actions in dealing with BP is really more than that. It may just force us to keep "Looking Foward". After all,isn't that what most of us are doing here,on this Board ? We type daily about dealing with BP,dealing with our children,dealing with our spouse. We look "Foward" to hearing for our cyber friends for comfort. If we did not have that support daily from eachother, it would be a long hard road with Bipolar Disorder.

So.....keep commenting to eachother...."Looking Back" may keep us from "never making that same mistake again"......But "Looking Foward" with the support of eachother,will lead us to Stabilization. !

Carry On,

Last edited by twoeyez; 05-30-2007 at 04:10 AM.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 02:39 AM   #9
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Eyes, that was extremely insightful and I think "looking back" is extremely important - when I got my diagnosis recently, looked back too - and saw (with a large degree of horror!) how much this disorder has affected my life, my loved ones, etc. It was a rude awakening, let me tell you!

I also have pain from the otherside - my bipolar father who, for many years, did not take responsibility for his bipolar. It has only been in the last few months - since my diagnosis - that we have really become close. I finally understand him a lot more, and have begun to forgive him for things past.

I would encourage those with bipolar partners to have their partner write them a letter when they are not having an episode, detailing how much they love their spouse and are grateful to them for everything they do. That way you spouses can have a constant reminder of how grateful your bipolar loved one is to you. Hmmm, that is a good idea for us bipolars too, I might just do that myself

 
Old 05-31-2007, 03:58 AM   #10
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieTam View Post
I would encourage those with bipolar partners to have their partner write them a letter when they are not having an episode, detailing how much they love their spouse and are grateful to them for everything they do. That way you spouses can have a constant reminder of how grateful your bipolar loved one is to you. Hmmm, that is a good idea for us bipolars too, I might just do that myself
Aussie : What an excellent suggestion for bipolar partners to do for their spouse/partner. Truly,this would help them to "Look Back" at their past actions,so that they can.at least,"Look Foward" to dealing with their episodes in a postive way. Perhaps if a BPer learns to "drop their pride" with this "disorder",and be honest with their issures (and write it down);then postive communication can start between themselves and their mate.

Carry On,

 
Old 05-31-2007, 06:27 AM   #11
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Hi EYES...

As always, thank you for your insightful words from many years of experience! In my case, I am in Mrs Eyes' shoes - I am supporting and standing by my husband because I love him and want our family to stay together, but stability is yet to be found. Of course there are times in between medication adjustments, etc...which are happy and wonderful. I don't have to tell you that he can also be a challenge to be around. We have been married 11 yrs and he started showing symptoms and was dx almost 4 yrs ago. It has rocked our boat to say the least. My take on it is this - I unconditionally love him and give him patience, understanding and support, while going to therapy for support myself and educating myself on this disorder. We also have 2 young children. The one thing I do believe is that illness or not, each of us is responsible for our actions, and this does not exclude my husband. I don't want him to be racked by guilt for past actions and words during episodes (although this seems to happen anyway), but I do want more open communication on what is going on with him, and an apology now and then would be a great healer - should this be so hard for him to do? There does seem to be a tendency to be in denial and turn blame on the ones who are your biggest supporters, at least in my husband's case.

And for the BIG question...which I know you've addressed before...

how to help my husband fully accept his BP diagnosis so he can embrace his efforts to manage it for the rest of his life.

After 14 yrs of marriage, how did you finally make peace with yourself and move forward with your wife, is it all attributed to an acceptance and the right medications??

With you being stable for so long, do you still have mood swings and just control them better?

I've seen the difference that stability can make (although not long-term yet) and you are absolutely right, it is totally possible to live a happy and normal life! I hope this brings many on this board encouragement and the words they may need to hear.

Your wisdom is much appreciated.

4support

Last edited by 4support; 05-31-2007 at 06:32 AM.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 08:12 AM   #12
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by 4support View Post
.................
And for the BIG question...which I know you've addressed before...
how to help my husband fully accept his BP diagnosis so he can embrace his efforts to manage it for the rest of his life.
After 14 yrs of marriage, how did you finally make peace with yourself and move forward with your wife, is it all attributed to an acceptance and the right medications??
With you being stable for so long, do you still have mood swings and just control them better?

I've seen the difference that stability can make (although not long-term yet) and you are absolutely right, it is totally possible to live a happy and normal life! I hope this brings many on this board encouragement and the words they may need to hear.
4support
You surely are "4support".
To answer your first big question...I feel that a BPer has to come to "grips" with BP from a up front and honest view point. Medications are extreamly important,and to be 100% consistant with them. Then accepting the dx with a postive knowledge that you can live a happy and normal life. Once,the BPer can do this,they can learn to be optimistic about "Looking Foward" to embracing their efforts for management the rest of their life.

You have to truly believe in yourself that "peace with BP Disorder" can happen. "Pride" is something that I believe all BPer seem to have about their (manic) episodes. And this is so very dangerous. They "feel" it is their "right" to blame,disrespect,and misstreat,their spouse. They almost have this "pride" in themselves about thinking that it's OK be this way...just because they are BP. Learning the true meaning of respect for your spouse...is so very important. BP or not ! If a BPer can just keep practicing "respect"...for themselves,then thay can learn respect for their spouse...and others. Then.."Looking Back" the BPer will see where mistakes were made;and patience and tolerence will lead to forgiveness ! Then "peace" will come with BP.

Oh...in my last 23 years of stability...I guess I could of had some mood swings....But the few times I "felt a little off"....I told Mrs.Eyes. And because she is such a great monitor for me, she would tell me what she was observing. Those observations were extreamly helpful,because they would keep me honest with my actions toward constantly with my lithium and my stability. Also...I think aging helps stability....You just get "Smarter" as you "get older" with BP.

4support....you have "it right" when you say.." I hope this brings many on this board encouragement and the words they may need to hear."

Carry On,

 
Old 05-31-2007, 08:57 AM   #13
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bipolarbear HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by AussieTam View Post
Eyes, that was extremely insightful and I think "looking back" is extremely important - when I got my diagnosis recently, looked back too - and saw (with a large degree of horror!) how much this disorder has affected my life, my loved ones, etc. It was a rude awakening, let me tell you!

I also have pain from the otherside - my bipolar father who, for many years, did not take responsibility for his bipolar. It has only been in the last few months - since my diagnosis - that we have really become close. I finally understand him a lot more, and have begun to forgive him for things past.

I would encourage those with bipolar partners to have their partner write them a letter when they are not having an episode, detailing how much they love their spouse and are grateful to them for everything they do. That way you spouses can have a constant reminder of how grateful your bipolar loved one is to you. Hmmm, that is a good idea for us bipolars too, I might just do that myself

Hey, Aussie:

That is a good idea re: writing the letter. However, in my case - after a legal separation, loosing trust and relationship with his child and losing a marriage, homelife, and moving from the house, he still does not acknowledge or accept he has bipolar.

Today, he does say he is sorry but blames it all on being stupid and selfish. Bipolar, in his opinion, still plays no part in spite of the multitude of symptoms which have escalated and worsened over the years. In these cases, there really is no hope because the cycle will repeat.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:36 AM   #14
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Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

blames it all on being stupid and selfish. Bipolar, in his opinion, still plays no part in spite of the multitude of symptoms which have escalated and worsened over the years. In these cases, there really is no hope because the cycle will repeat.

see above, meant to post that attached to this, sorry

Last edited by cocokat; 05-31-2007 at 09:40 AM.

 
Old 05-31-2007, 09:39 AM   #15
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cocokat HB User
Re: "Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective

This is the same thing that my husband says. Its so strange to me that he is saying he is being selfish and knows he is being self. That there is no other problem with him, he for the first time is feeling happy and not depressed and the most confident he has ever been and for some reason he is enjoying it and likes being selfish right now.....
He always brings it up, the selfish comment

 
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