Do you tell your family? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

kwj001 · 06-09-2007, 12:06 AM

I've always been very self sufficient and private (although posting on a board wouldn't seem so private) - but even when fighting depression for the past 13 years, I rarely said anything to my mother or husband about the meds i was taking. They never questioned any meds as I have hypothyroidism and take medicine daily - so I always just blew any prescriptions off as related to thyroid.

Since I've been diagnosed as BP2 about 3-4 months ago, I actually told my husband about the diagnosis. He patted me on the head and said "I'm sorry you've got that" and that was the end of it - he hasn't even bothered to ask how I feel or research anything about this disease. We've had a messed up marriage that will have run 19 years this summer. No trust on either side - yet I've never strayed and I really don't know if he has, but we just don't enjoy each other's company. I've always stayed for the kids - although, I wonder if it's really beneficial. Now, I feel like I'm in a countdown to when they go off to college - I'm outta here. Of course, I've heard that is what most BP'ers tend to do - run and leave thinking a new place will be better. I would much rather vacation alone with my kids (13 and 15) than with him. In fact, am stressing about a trip in July that he is coming along. I think I'll need a valium saltlick just to make it through 5 days.

Strayed from my original question. While I don't really see the need to tell my mother or other family about the BP2 diagnosis - I wonder about telling my kids. My pdoc says no. I really don't want them to have to worry about me - however, when I'm down - it's really hard to explain to them why I just want to be alone and am so awfully irritible. Those are the times when my self-loathing is the worst because they are the last people on earth that I want to hurt. Then, a week or so later, I head back on the upswing and am everyone's favorite person to be around.

Another thing I still cannot understand is how I hold up at work and yet crash at home? I think it's because I'm the major breadwinner in the family and we can't afford for me to fail at work - so I fail at home. Here I am whining about this minor thing and there are people out in the world facing life and death situations that are not comparable. I just want to feel well. I'm tired and just feel like a failure. I'm not physically tired, I'm mentally tired. Does that make sense?

Does anyone else feel this?

luckygem13 · 06-09-2007, 12:24 AM

I understand where you are coming from. My husband is bipolar and it's all he can do to hold it together at work and then he comes home and just let's everything out. Sometimes, that is stressful for everyone.

Ya know the grass is always greener on the other side..I have those same feelings and frustrations, but really you have teenagers....you're in the home stretch, hang in there! Maybe try marriage counseling when you feel up to it. Everyone has problems and my friends that have divorced and remarried seem to have just traded one set of problems for another....life is just tough, period.

Good luck to you!

(((HUGS)))

Luckygem

kwj001 · 06-09-2007, 07:14 AM

Thanks LuckyGem. I am not interested in every remarrying - have always said that. So, it's not that. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself. I'm lucky in that I have wonderful kids and don't want them to never know whether they are going to get Dr. Jekyl or Mr. Hyde.

whirlwind4 · 06-09-2007, 09:05 PM

I can really relate to what you are feeling. Although I'm no pdoc, I disagree with the not telling your kids. I'm a divorced mother of 4. Divorced because my husband couldn't accept I was Bipolar. My kids are 15, 11, 9 and 6, and when I go through the down time they wonder what's wrong and ask questions. Instead of trying to hide it from my kids I explained it to them so that they know when mom wants to be alone they know it's not because of them. My 15 yr and 9 yr old actually got on the computer and researched on thier own because they wanted to understand better. All of them feel better knowing what's wrong with me because they really now it's not because of them. Bipolar affects everyone around you and the ones you love the most are the ones I feel should be told because they are the ones who will be there for you. Bipolar does run in families. So there is a chance one or both your kids could be diagnosed with Bipolar somewhere down the road.

As for the husband-my husband couldn't accept it. We would told by my pdoc at the time to get counseling, both together and seperately. He didn't want to, he thought he could deal with it all by himself, but he couldn't. He walked out 3 months after my diagnoses saying he couldn't deal with my mood swings. Like your husband mine never asked how I was or bothered to research it on his on. But now that we are divorced he has starting looking into what Bipolar is and how it affects the person. Now he has a much better understanding of why I acted the way I did and wants to get back together. Unfortunately for him I have moved on and am with someone who cared enough to educats himself on my condition. I agree with Luckygem-that you should get marriage counseling if he is willing, if he's not go by yourself. Since you are a private person about your health, maybe your husband thinks he would be intruding on your privacy if he looked into all the details. You could try asking him if he would like to know more. That's if you want him to know. Anything is worth a try.

Wish you the best of luck! Hang in there, you're not alone.

Dantheinsane · 06-09-2007, 09:42 PM

I can see doing both. There are times when people knowing you are bipolar can help you, but the problem with that is people may know the name manic depression but have no clue what that means and don't care to find out.

I tend to blurt things out, so I told my whole family. It doesn't matter because when I told them I was a recovering addict and alcoholic they didn't care either. Even if some of them are new to AA now.

Do what you want to do and trust that all things will work itself out.