Has anyone... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Kathrin74 · 06-09-2007, 03:02 AM

This is kind of similar to my last question, but phrased differently.

Has anyone ever, while manic/hypomanic wanted other people to see that you're on a high? Like you want to take on that manic identity?

And if yes, then how do you know how much of it is real and how much of it you just act and start believing yourself?

Kathrin

Dee-nah · 06-09-2007, 06:42 AM

I don't understand what you are saying? When I'm maniac wether I want to act or not I really have no choice in how I react, it takes over all of me, I can't even think straight therefore acting is not a possibility or me...

kwj001 · 06-09-2007, 07:24 AM

As a BP2'er, when I'm in my hypomanic state - I'm completely motivated and can complete incredible projects and work from sunup to sundown. I think it must be a very different sort of mania that the BP1'ers get. I salute anyone who can ride out the scary mania that I've read that BP1 people get. For the BP2, it make us feel incredible well and healthy - at least for me it does. The worst part is that we still crash and while maybe not as bad as BP1 crashes, it is awful. I know the meds are supposed to level things out - but honestly, if I could live in a hypomanic state - I'd choose it any day of the week. I'm the best mom, employee and maybe a better wife than normal. Have a rocky marriage at best, but I seem to handle the frustrations that come with that easier during a high. During a low - it's scary.

So, to answer your question - while I haven't shared with my family the fact that I have BP2, I would much rather them associate the hypomania with me than the depression. But, you didn't say whether you were BP1 or BP2 and I think that makes a huge difference. I wouldn't necessarily say that I feel high during a hypomania - just vibrant and healthy. Good luck to you!

Kathrin74 · 06-09-2007, 10:35 AM

I'm not sure if I am bipolar at all. I am trying to figure it out. I get these phases when I want to be this energetic, funny, even "crazy" person, a kind of "look at me everyone I am so cool and happy". While at the same time in the back of my mind I already kind of know, it won't last, it usually wears itself down, and then also always the question: Why am I doing this? Isn't this a waste of life time??? But another part of me just wants to keep doing it and ride on it while it lasts, because it feels good!!! Almost like a drug I can't resist. Just wanting to be all hyper. What I am trying to figure out though is: Am I doing this by choice, or does it just come over me? Somehow it is both. I kind of feel when it comes, but it makes me happy to feel it come!
But then again, also, as a bachelor in psych and having read a lot about all kinds of mental disorders, maybe it is just that I KNOW that something like (hypo-)mania exists, and a part of me wants to experience it especially after I had felt unmotivated and low energy for a while.
But then why can't I always conjure it up? Like something has to make click in my brain first.
Right now I am feeling it. The last few days or so. But it's more like when I get like this, I live in a kind of dream world.
Weird weird weird.
I am just trying to figure things out. Just wondering if somebody who IS bipolar can relate to this feeling. Or not.

Kathrin