Feeling Lost, Broken Hearted - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

MSLAINIE · 06-11-2007, 12:26 AM

Hi all,
I am Mslainie and my son is BP. Its been long road and I tried my best. He takes his meds and we just won a case for school. So next year he should be in a private school 11th grade and they deal with children with disorders. I have been out of work for year and orginally to help my son get right med combo and I figure I be working by now. But I had a complete hysterectomy and 2 car accidents so I for a reason I dont see now, I am where I need to be. Now my daughter is 8th grade and having health problems so I have been able to consentrate on her. But I feel so bad, my son went off on me and my daughter. He went to his Dad's who is BP no meds and has been away in jail for a few years. So last week my son ran to my ex-dad in law after a big fight with his dad and then my son lied to me, my ex, my boyfriend and it wasnt good. So my son before i knew about the lies and manipulation, was claiming how scared he was of his Dad. Now since I been seeing alot of things especially my son messing with my daughter behind my back. My son decided to move in with his DAD against my better judgement. My son has been leaving me really bad nasty messages. I went to talk to my son and he came after me. he is 6ft, 16 1/2. I feel at this point I went with him moving in with his Dad and I moved all his stuff. I miss him so much. We were so close and I feel like a knife is in my heart. I pray my ex can handle it, he in NA for pcp and no meds for his BP. Maybe he needs his Dad but I am scared.
My daughter is a new kid and she is happy. I never realize how my son really treated her bad, I always saw her rebelling. I didnt see it on his end. He was a sneaky. I feel like I failed, he takes his meds, sees his therapist and psys.
I will not ever put me or my daughter in harms way again but it is so hard to put this in Gods hands and be strong not to let him come home. MY family thinks it is his Dad has a big part of manipulating my son. But I have been raising our kids alone for 9 1/2 yrs and our son knows right from wrong. I believe his current medcombo is correct and I think my son has to take responsibility for his actions. Meds are only a part to help him and I have seen him control himself. I know he has an illness, It is just so hard letting him go but I will not be scared in my own home. Thanks for listening and if anyone there I would love to hear your thoughts.
TY
Mslainie

Dee-nah · 06-11-2007, 05:17 AM

To another fellow Philadelphian... I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm bp1 and in the mist of going through a med change. The only advice I can give you is to make sure your son is getting the proper help followed by the proper meds... Once he gets there I think it will be easier to talk to him so you both can make sense of things.

GOOD LUCK!

AussieTam · 06-11-2007, 07:34 AM

Ms Lanie,

I am so sorry to read about your pain with your son. My Dad is bipolar, and his behaviour, at times, was atrocious. This is the reason why I go to such pains to manage MY illness. He was violent (to just about everyone - me, my brother, my mother....), manipulative, lazy, reckless and had no direction in life. As a young adult, after his last manic episode in 2003 (when he threatened to come to my home city and kill my boyfriend at the time) that I wasn't going to see him any more, and barely spoke to him on the phone. He was in his forties and drinking/taking drugs/etc more than most college frat boys. In my mind, I decided RIGHT! He has done this crap long enough - he needs to take responsibility for his illness and his life. And he finally did - he is doing fantastically well now, he takes his meds. He doesn't drink or carry on/ He has a little cat and is calm and content with his life. Around the time of my diagnosis, I realised that I could forgive him because I knew how damn hard it was, I was so proud of him coming so far.

I think you've made the right decision - my parents divorced when I was about eight, and if Dad had been around on a daily basis for longer - gah, who knows what would have happened, but it would have made for an even more chaotic childhood. I know it must be painful, but your son DOES need to learn to take responsibility for himself and control his illness. Until he does, it sounds like he is going to be a poor influence on your daughter and on yourself. My thoughts will be with you....

goody2shuz · 06-11-2007, 07:42 AM

Hi, MSLAINIE ~ I have seen your posts here and see how much you love your son and daughter and how devoted a mother you have been. You have done everything you could do for your son. There must be something else going on besides the BP for him to be acting such a way....either that, or he is very unstable and manic. Usually when one wants to run away and does all these impulsive things it is in the midst of hypo(mania).

When you say that your son was sneaky and doing things behind your back to your daughter was he sexually abusing her in anyway???? I think that you are wise to keep him away particularly now that you are seeing such a big difference in your daughter.

I understand your concerns regarding your son and his being with you ex who is unstable himself after how far you have come with him but you do have your daughter's as well as your own safety to be concerned about. The next step I think would be for him to be hospitalized if this behavior continues. I really do think that he is slipping into a mania or if this has been going on and worstening then he has been in a manic state for a while. Have any med adjustments been made lately???? And please remind us what he is on....it is difficult to keep track of everybody's meds here.

I really feel for you....I know that you really want to help your son and have gone through such sacrifice to get him to where he is. But your daughter's welfare must be looked at as well.

Your son is probably saying the nasty things that he is to you because he is unstable and you are standing in the way of what he thinks he wants and needs.

Please know that we feel for you and want to do anything we can to help you out. It may be a difficult thing to do but if you have legal custody of your son it might be wise to inform the authorities about his behavior and the reason he is with his dad. That way....if he needs medical help you still will have the authority to seek it for him.

Please know that we are here for you. You are a wonderful mom, MSLAINIE. And don't you forget it.

It's time to take care of your daughter and yourself....you may have to set boundaries for your son and if he wants to come back he will have to go get the help that he needs so that everybody is safe.

((((HUGS))))) to help carry you through ~ Goody

4support · 06-11-2007, 12:00 PM

Hi MSLAINIE,

I feel very badly for what you are dealing with. I am married to a BP/ADHD hubbie and I just wanted to say that there are lots of us out here who are familiar with the pain that a loved one can cause you who is struggling with this unpredictable illness. Having a son myself and loving him more than anything, the behaviour that you describe he has directed toward you would devastate me. My husband went thru similar streaks when he was manic before he was medicated. I have seen medications make lots of difference, and I have seen mania without stability be something totally different.

I will pray that your son finds stability soon. Just remember that he is in the throes of the illness, and that he is still the same person you know him as inside and his actions don't depict the way he truly feels about you. It seems that his medications are off.

I am not one to advise on how to 'separate' yourself completely from the anger he is directing to you because I am still trying to figure this out myself. I know it's hurtful and the best things is to recognize that it's the illness, manage the stress the best you can, and take care of yourself.

Hang in there and hopefully things will get better soon.

Hugs,
4support