Is my husband ever gonna trust me again - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

pamelareichert · 06-12-2007, 08:00 AM

OK so I am bp just found out I am bp about 4 months ago! I went threw a manic phase last summer (although then I didnt know what was going on)...I put my husband threw hell and back. for starters I went to cali to visit my dad for a month. I was out with my cousin clubbing for basically the whole time! wait let me back up...before I left I had smoked pot and he threw what I had away...so I fought with him and we both agreed on divorce. This was a few days before I left....Now back to last summer. So, I was in cali. I didnt care to call him but he called me! I didnt cheat on him there although I had plenty of chances to! So, I came back we didnt hug nothing... I started seeing some guy! He found out and went off broke my pc (i dont blame him). He asked me to stop and I wouldnt! This guy made me feel good...pretty and wanted! So I said I wanted a divorce! I put my husband threw hell and back! He ended up at the doc office with a panic attack. He had a few at home. My husband begged me to stay he said I am asking you to take me back give me another chance..I didnt listen.. I ended up cheating on my husband. I told him. He still wanted to work things out. Finally I ended it with the other man. And sought help. Now, every time im on the pc or get a call on my cell phone he accuses me of cheating. Even though my cell has caller ID (its my dad calling) I dont know how I can ever earn his trust back or maybe I cant and maybe we will just end up in divorce anyway!!

Pamela

leomia · 06-12-2007, 08:20 AM

Pam I did something similar, long story short we are very happy today. It has been 4 years and I had BP for 7 of them. But you need to have a heart to heart with hubby. BP or not, things do happen and people do make mistakes sometimes. You have to first be sorry that you did this and tell him and then ask him what you can do to gain his trust, assuming you still love him, that is why you posted this, then maybe see a counselor or get a marriage help book?
I dont know the right answer for YOU but you definately need to talk about this esp since the call was your dad.
Maybe you can agree to a compromise. I know it seems so hard right now, me and my hubby went through this and it took a year to get it all set.
Now sometimes I even think about the past and regret and hate myself. The thing is that he really did forgive me and that is why.

Question is, does your husband really forgive you? That is up to him and even if you ask you cant make him.
But if he can forgive you, it also may take time, so you two need to be talking about everything and keep it all open communication, If you dont the marriage will fall apart.
He may want you to do certain things to prove you wont do this again, maybe you can let him answer the phone, if you have nothing to hide? I dont know, that is up to you, but keep the communication that is the only way it can work. There is a lot to do, I know but you will get there if you show him you are willing. Episodes or not, that is beside the point. Make sure he knows about BP and how it affects you.

Well I wish you the best of luck!

twoeyez · 06-12-2007, 12:40 PM

Pamela & Leomia

Your stories are about the same. For a us BPer,it is important to "look back" at our mistakes and ask forgivness for our actions. About 3 weeks ago I started a thread called....."Looking Back"-A Bipolar Perspective...In part, I would like to share it with you two :

I have said,a number of times...My Mission here is to : Guide,Encourage,and Surpport those who are dealing with Bipolar Disorder. Perhaps,one of the best ways I can meet this Mission;is to "Look Back" on my own life. A very important person,Mrs Eyes, gave me the guidence toward many years of stability. It is my hope, that all who read this thread,will receive reasureance that life with BP, can be happy and successful. Please,contribute your positive thoughts,and "Look Back" at your successes...The following is devoted to Mrs Eyes...and all of you :

Looking Back...
Over my life,I can see where I caused you strife.
But I know...yes.I know,
I'd never make that same mistake again.
Looking Back...
Over my dreams,I can see why wise men dream.
But if I'd just had a chance,
I'd never make that same mistake again.
Once my cup was over flowing (mania),
But I gave nothing in return.
Now I can't begin to tell you,
What a lesson,I have learned.
Looking Back...
Over the same,I can see when Love turn to Hate.
But I know...Oh yes...I know,
I'd never make that same mistake again.

pamelareichert · 06-12-2007, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leomia

Pam I did something similar, long story short we are very happy today. It has been 4 years and I had BP for 7 of them. But you need to have a heart to heart with hubby. BP or not, things do happen and people do make mistakes sometimes. You have to first be sorry that you did this and tell him and then ask him what you can do to gain his trust, assuming you still love him, that is why you posted this, then maybe see a counselor or get a marriage help book?
I dont know the right answer for YOU but you definately need to talk about this esp since the call was your dad.
Maybe you can agree to a compromise. I know it seems so hard right now, me and my hubby went through this and it took a year to get it all set.
Now sometimes I even think about the past and regret and hate myself. The thing is that he really did forgive me and that is why.

Question is, does your husband really forgive you? That is up to him and even if you ask you cant make him.
But if he can forgive you, it also may take time, so you two need to be talking about everything and keep it all open communication, If you dont the marriage will fall apart.
He may want you to do certain things to prove you wont do this again, maybe you can let him answer the phone, if you have nothing to hide? I dont know, that is up to you, but keep the communication that is the only way it can work. There is a lot to do, I know but you will get there if you show him you are willing. Episodes or not, that is beside the point. Make sure he knows about BP and how it affects you.

Well I wish you the best of luck!

I have asked him to forgive me. I have told him all my passwords (my pc) to everything. I have nothing to hide!! I keep telling him that. When the phone rang he was a sleep and my son answered it. He said who knows who our son was talking to!! I showed him it was my dad but since my dad called from his home phone which is not programed into my cell phone he said it was someone else! I said look its a cali number he said well anyone could get a cali number! I told him to call the number back. Then he only gets madder. so, when I can prove my innocence he is still freaking out. He says he forgives me but I dont know... I guess if he did then maybe he would be acting like this??? When I do talk to him about it he shuts down!! I have told him how sorry I was and even cried b/c I was so sorry!! I just am at a lost on how to prove to this man how sorry I am How I wish I could go back in time. I cant so what now.
Pamela

leomia · 06-12-2007, 01:59 PM

I would say try to get him alone on a heart to heart. then you can honestly tell him how you feel and what its doing to you etc. maybe He needs to hear it again, I dont know. Well I hope this works out for you, sorry your having a rough time of it.