Dee-Nah? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

distroyed · 06-18-2007, 01:57 PM

Hi Dee-Nah! I just stole one of your quotes from another post and was intrigued
"I'm sorry to say but no I don't remember anything if I'm maniac while fighting or doing something extreme!!! When someone tells me what happens I won't deny it... I know what I'm capable of!" Dee-Nah.

I believe you have read some of my posts and know a little about me (other than my spelling issues) Anyway I find it very interesting to read your words here because my probably soon to be x wife also says she doesn't remember the things she has said and done to me over that last year. I don't believe her, I felt it was a cop out so she wouldn't have to face what she had done. I guess maybe I should re-think my position. I'm still not excusing her behaviour, but maybe I should be more understanding of what she may remember and may not?
she also doesn't deny it, but at the same time doesn't believe she was capable of such things and is not sure if she sould believe me.
I'm not just talking about the small stuff like putting me down, but big life changing events is it possible while Manic to just loose a year of your life and not remember much? maybe it is easier for her not to remember like a defense mech. she blocks it out. I wish I could

Dee-nah · 06-18-2007, 02:10 PM

I have mastered 2 things Black Outs and Disassociation, I rarly remember how I get from work to home, I'm always in the clouds, day dreaming (this is disassociation)!

The most I've ever blocked was probably 2 weeks, I mean I was fully functional but I don't remember my actions. When I'm all worked up I have no recollection of what I say or do and like I said in that sentence, I know what I'm capable of...

The blacking out for long periods of time are before medications. I have been in situations where I say things and I honestly don't remember saying it. Impluses play a HUGE part in this, you don't want to act a certain way but the impluse is just to hard to handle so you do it , then you get the reprocussions from it so now you are even more depressed about what you did THEN you try and explain yourself, the person doesn't believe , you can't, you stumble over your words you feel like an idoit now you are even more depressed... the person is sick of you and walks away ignore you... now your even more depressed... and so on and so on

It's too much, is my only answer and we black out....

distroyed · 06-18-2007, 02:39 PM

frightning! I don't know, she (my wife) doesn't seem able to put the last year and a 1/2 into a time line She was with another guy for 9 months and lie'n about it, ignored me and my family while my dad was sick and died, left the kids to live with me after initially taking them from me (for no reason) buying a new car losing 2 jobs bieing admitted to a hospital for 2 weeks going to FLA with me (while messing around with other guy) getting rid of our home, and asking me for a divorce the day my dad passed away. There was alot more crazyness that went on too but you get the idea.
Now when I ask her about some of these events all I get is "I don't remember" "I don't know"
she even went as far as to say she wouldn't even recognize the other guy if she saw him because she cant remember anything about him. uh huh... she was seeing him for almost a year I find that one really hard to believe.
I want to understand it's just so hard to believe that some one could block out such major long term events.

I think what is difficult for me that all these events deeply hurt me and if she can't remember saying and doing what she did then I guess she can't validate my feelings of hurt. I have to just accept that my desperate questions can never be answered and how can she appologize for something she is not sure really happened

My dr. told me that for my relationship to work I have to let go of everything she did in the past 1 year and 1/2 never mention it and treat her as though we just today. Way easier said than done! He also said I should look at the relationship as exciting?????????? ya know every day is different with her. Hmmmmmm..... I can deal with the mood swings and anger, depression, but the rest I cant handle

Dee-nah · 06-18-2007, 02:47 PM

I'm no tdoc or pdoc but not remembering a guy that you where seeing for a year is a bit too far.. I can see her not remembering the itimacy, the feelings being attract to him, etc, that could be possible.

distroyed · 06-18-2007, 02:56 PM

how could you not remember the itimacy? that's the part I would find hard to belive. but I guess I look at it differently. I don't really think she wanted that but it was necesarry (spelling ) to keep him around. But to block that part out? I wish I could. those are the images I stuggle with day to day. She just doesn't think about it. Maybe I'm messed up

Dee-Nah thank you for your prospective