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Old 07-24-2007, 11:14 AM   #1
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Dee-nah HB User
Taking on other people's problems..

I am constantly taking on other peoples problems to the point where my problem doesn't even exist anymore. My ex was a recovery addict, I looked up everything about addiction to better understand him, went to meetings with him,participated in Narnon, listened to his stories until like a sponge I absorbed everything to the point where I became the addict (not literally).. This is just an example of how much I let others people's problems effect me.. I've been this way all my life and I discovered I did this for 2 reasons: 1) I care a lot about my friends and family.. 2) It's a great way to dodge your own problems...


Now I want what is best for me, I just did a med change so now is a good time to focus, I'm tired of ignoring myself.. I want to be happy, I deserve it and my son deserves it...

Does anyone else with BP do this? I know we are passionate people but when and how do you draw the line?
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Last edited by Dee-nah; 07-24-2007 at 01:16 PM.

 
Old 07-24-2007, 12:14 PM   #2
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

I do it just in a different way I guess. I tend to do it in supporting others in their times of crisis and trying to find any solution that I can for them. Thus I spend all my energy literally on trying to save the world. It makes for a hard time of trying to get me squared away too or dealing with my own issues. When I try to focus on my own stuff I think I'm being selfish or get told I'm being selfish cause suddenly I am making something out to be about me. And yeap passionate is true about the things and people I care about. Sometimes those passions might start off to be a good thing but they quickly develop into a monster of a different sort.

Deb

 
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Old 07-24-2007, 12:38 PM   #3
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee-nah View Post
I am constantly taking on other peoples problems to the point where my problem doesn't even exist anymore. My ex was a recovery addict, I looked up everything about addiction to better understand him, went to meetings with him,participated in Narnon, listened to his stories until like a sponge I absorbed everything to the point where I became the addict.. This is just an example of how much I let others people's problems effect me.. I've been this way all my life and I discovered I did this for 2 reasons: 1) I care a lot about my friends and family.. 2) It's a great way to dodge your own problems...


Now I want what is best for me, I just did a med change so now is a good time to focus, I'm tired of ignoring myself.. I want to be happy, I deserve it and my son deserves it...

Does anyone else with BP do this? I know we are passionate people but when and how do you draw the line?
I also do the same thing kinda! Like I will listen to others problems and then if they are mad or something I take on that rage! I get mad b/c they are or depressed like that are! I dont know but I have tried to keep myself away from ppl like that b/c it only brings me down and I feel worse about myself. So, what I can tell you is that you have your own problems. I know helping others is a good thing to do but you need to help yourself before you can help others.
Pamela

 
Old 07-24-2007, 02:51 PM   #4
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Dee-nah, as you know I am not bp but I do the same thing. For 9 years my life was filled with trying to help my husband get well. I went so far as to dismiss all my needs and wants. I just wanted him well. I loved him so much and yet could not help him so now I am left with a void to fill. I want to find what makes me happy they same way you expressed. I am a caregiver and also codependent. I take on others problems too. I know what you are talking about. I hope you find your way to YOU.

 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:16 PM   #5
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

De-nah ... I wish you the best with your new path. I have been trying to 'be true to myself' the past six months and it has been hard. It's strange and I have felt selfish many times but I knew I had no life left in me if I continued to ignore my problems just to make others happy. I am looking forward to reading your updates

Pamela - ahh I'm quite the same in that I 'absorb' others moods. As a result I've re-addressed who I become close friends (I tend to move a lot ). I used to attach to people that I could 'help'. When I meet with a particular person that is always 'ME ME ME, MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE' fishing for compliments, I have to seriously prepare myself psychologically and afterwards I feel so damn drained! It reminds me of the Xmen character that turns into the person that they touch.

 
Old 07-24-2007, 05:46 PM   #6
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

It just amazes me when you tell people that you need to focus on yourself how mad they get??? I don't get it? These are the same people that say they will stand by you but once the thought process looses focus on themselves they flip... ME, ME, ME is right!
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Old 07-24-2007, 08:56 PM   #7
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Dee-nah,

I do it. When I see programs of starving children on TV not only do I cry but I sponsor the children. I started doing this 20 years ago, when I could barely feed myself! Now that I have been blessed with some disposable income I do get involved with many charities. I am proud that I am called on to help and known to be helpful with this in my community. DH is right there with me and supportive but I can tell his heart is not as in it as mine.....everyone's different. I tend to take other people's problems to heart, even celebrities. Poor poor Paris Hilton...that's a JOKE for ya Dee-nah

I know many times I will talk to my husband about our friends and he will say to me. "I don't have to worry about it cause it's not my kids". My brain doesn't work like that. I like to offer educated and meaningful advice to my friends, not just..."I love You, call me if you need anything" with no backup.

I don't mean to be "Holier than thou"...I definitely have my faults. I don't know why I am this way. I did suffer a lot as a child so maybe I have "built in" empathy? I have depression and not bipolar so perhaps it's the depressive side of bipolar that does this as opposed to the manic side? Very interesting subject.


Take Care,


Lucky G

 
Old 07-25-2007, 04:35 AM   #8
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Lucky I think Lindsay needs your help now = )

When does it become ignorant to think of yourself? I'm so confused, am I an ignorant person to souly focus on myself which I've never done before and on top of that I am easily distracted..... I don't want to hurt anyone!
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Old 07-25-2007, 05:31 AM   #9
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

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Lucky I think Lindsay needs your help now = )

When does it become ignorant to think of yourself? I'm so confused, am I an ignorant person to souly focus on myself which I've never done before and on top of that I am easily distracted..... I don't want to hurt anyone!
If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else because you won't be strong enough to do so. Sometimes we all just need a break, ya know?

Lindsay There are some serious problems in her family genetics regarding addiction issues & more. She's got more on her plate than she can manage, she's having a breakdown. I wouldn't want to be in prison with a nickname like "firecrotch"....yikes

 
Old 07-25-2007, 06:51 AM   #10
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

taking on other peoples problems and accommodating them before you accommodate yourself is a sign of co-dependency. I suggest you read the book co-dependent no more......I did, and it helped me a lot.

 
Old 07-25-2007, 04:55 PM   #11
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Is co dependency related to depression or any other mental illnesses?

 
Old 07-26-2007, 04:08 AM   #12
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Definitely! It also could be a kind of illness in it's self.
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Old 07-26-2007, 07:31 AM   #13
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Quote:
Originally Posted by luckygem13 View Post
Dee-nah,

I do it. When I see programs of starving children on TV not only do I cry but I sponsor the children. I started doing this 20 years ago, when I could barely feed myself! Now that I have been blessed with some disposable income I do get involved with many charities. I am proud that I am called on to help and known to be helpful with this in my community. DH is right there with me and supportive but I can tell his heart is not as in it as mine.....everyone's different. I tend to take other people's problems to heart, even celebrities. Poor poor Paris Hilton...that's a JOKE for ya Dee-nah

I know many times I will talk to my husband about our friends and he will say to me. "I don't have to worry about it cause it's not my kids". My brain doesn't work like that. I like to offer educated and meaningful advice to my friends, not just..."I love You, call me if you need anything" with no backup.

I don't mean to be "Holier than thou"...I definitely have my faults. I don't know why I am this way. I did suffer a lot as a child so maybe I have "built in" empathy? I have depression and not bipolar so perhaps it's the depressive side of bipolar that does this as opposed to the manic side? Very interesting subject.


Take Care,


Lucky G
You're humble, you care, you think about others before yourself, and your mind is sound. Who says you're not "holier than thou". You don't maybe, but the angels are dancing in heaven nonetheless.
May God bless you.

 
Old 07-26-2007, 08:08 AM   #14
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Wow, Thank You Jon!

 
Old 07-26-2007, 09:50 AM   #15
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Re: Taking on other people's problems..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dee-nah View Post
It just amazes me when you tell people that you need to focus on yourself how mad they get??? I don't get it? These are the same people that say they will stand by you but once the thought process looses focus on themselves they flip... ME, ME, ME is right!
Dee-nah you're right....another thing you might notice is that people call you selfish. The one thing to make note of is that when someone calls you selfish, its usually because they're not getting their way about something...

 
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