new to the board - need help!

[Her Mom]

My daughter, 35, has had episodes of BP since 15, diagnosed after several events and hospitalizations, 5 yrs ago. Has lived with me for the last 4 years. Both of her children are in the custody of their fathers, with visitation. Since she was living with me and supposedly staying on her meds, and in therapy, she was able to see them once a week and every other weekend. Last fall she lost alot of weight and started seeing a man, (shich is always a problem) I spoke to her in December, saying I was seeing alot of the symptoms again and asked to see her medication, She showed me an old bottle, with medication, said she just refilled the old bottle. Needless to say it was downhill from there, she has now left here, all her stuff is still here, and moved in with him, of course doesn't want her kids around me because "I'm mean to her" Thankfully the fathers know whats going on. Any ideas on how we should handle the visitation until the mediation is called? The children are 14 and 7, and what to tell them, because of our fear in her having them, and the bad things she tells them about us?

[eowyn]

You can probably be a lot more direct with the 14 year old than the seven year old.

But tell them what's going on in a gentle way. Don't hide anything

Children are a lot more resilient than adults give them credit for and if you hide anything they might assume that you're trying to deliberately keep their mum from them.

Always difficult with children. Not something I would like to have to handle.

I'm just thankful my friend doesn't have any kiddies at the moment.

[mudhound]

How sad,
True the 14 year old will understand more then the 8 year old.
I must admit, when my own child was at these ages, i hid the fact that my wife had this illness. Hindsight (20/20) it was an error on my part.
I might try a trearpist who can explian in kid talk what's going on with thier mother. They may need to know more than you think.

[tsohl]

Hello Her Mom,

Welcome to the board. It sounds like you have your hands full with a grown daughter who is unstable and not taking care of herself.

I am a little confused as to what you are asking. Is the issue that the kids still come to your house for visition but don't see the mom because she's living with some guy?

If the question is about the kids and what to tell them, I would say that they are definitely old enough to learn about the illness and how it affects their mother. There is more harm in them not knowing the facts, as kids will often assume they are the cause of the problems. I'm sure they have spent lots of time wondering what's going on.

How does your daughter relate to her children? Does she want them around?

If you coud provide a bit more information I think it would be helpful.

Tsohl