Hi all! I'm new here, newly diagnosed, hoping to get some advice - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

FallenAngel2007 · 08-01-2007, 11:36 AM

I am 35 years old, married with 3 children, and just diagnosed as bipolar II. This is very hard for me to swallow. I have suffered with anxiety/depression for probalby 15 years, off and on of course, not all the time.

A couple months ago I was in a really depressed state. Told my husband I wanted to leave him, he is miserable all the time, I felt miserable. It seemed like I had lost who i was. I didn't even know what I enjoyed anymore, my whole life was about trying to make him and my kids happy, I put myself on the backburner so long I forgot how to make me happy. And of course I felt taken advantage of, like everything I did was expected instead of appreciated. It drove me to go to therapy.

I found a female therapist i really clicked with. My first visit was awesome. She worked on my self esteem/ self worth issues and showed how alot of that was due to my childhood. After that initial visit though I felt let down, like I wasn't getting much out of it.

Well, here recently i have been having sleep issues. I can sleep 13 hrs at a stretch, for weeks at a time, and only get out of bed cause my hubby or kids make me. Then I'll go days without sleeping at all. So I contacted my primary care doctor. Went to see him requesting he run bloodwork to check my hormone levels and thyroid figured that was the cause.

Well, I don't mention therapy, mood swings, none of that, cause i figure this is a physical problem, not a psychological one. He starts asking family history about mental illness, etc., so I ask him, obviously you don't think it's thyroid or hormones, what do you think it is?

He explained that if it was thyroid it would be hyper or hypo, one or the other, it would not be cycling back and forth. That due to my cycleing, my history of anxiety/depression, my weight loss, he believes I'm bipolar II. he said bipolar II is often misdiagnosed as anxiety/depression cause you typically go in and complain about one or the other, not both, so it's hard to see the cycle.

Well, once he said it it hit me. It makes sense, as there has been something on my mind for a long time that I have been WAY too embarassed to tell anyone, and that is my preoccupation with sexual thoughts. I won't get into details, but I felt like a freak, lol. And I never acted in my impulses, but the thoughts invaded my mind with pretty much every guy I would meet or see and I felt so ashamed about it!

It is difficult for me to swallow a bipolar diagnosis, I feel like I'm being labeled, or defective. And the idea of being medicated does not sit well with me. Hubby would tell me when we fought or I got worked up to go take my crazy pill, and it infuriated me, like doping me up would make our problems better. Screw that, it would just zombie me out so I wouldn't care!

I hate the idea of having to take a pill every day to function, to be "normal".

My bloodwork came back all good (I insisted he check my thyroid and hormones and he did to placate me, lol), so now we have to meet to discuss medication. I'm hesitant to do this.

I was on lexapro for years and it helped, didn't leave me feeling groggy or dull, I'm hoping I can be put back on that since my issue is mostly with depressive episodes. I'm terrified of the trial and error part of so many of these meds, the side effects, weight gain, etc.

Any advice, experience, or wisdom you could pass on would be greatly appreciated!

Angel

jendg28 · 08-01-2007, 01:59 PM

I would strongly recommend going to a psychiatrist to prescribe your meds for bipolar disorder and of course to diagnose you as well. General Physicians are great, but that is not their specialty. Would you go to a dentist if you had a fungus on your toenail? No, I doubt it. Anyway, I'm sure your doctor is right about your diagnosis, I just believe you need a specialist. A therapist would probably help you with your problems with your husband as well. I learned how to talk to people in a non-threatening way, etc. from my therapist and it really helps my personal and work relationships. Then again, most of what I learned goes out the window if I'm depressed or manic. Your husband is being very mean when he tells you to take your "crazy pills". Also, try to look at this new diagnosis the same way you would look at a disease like diabetes, or arthritis. It's a chronic condition that is not curable, but can be treated successfully. There is no reason to feel ashamed or "different" from anybody else in this world. You just have an illness, you aren't a lepur(sp). Unfortunately, society has given us permission to degrade ourselves when diagnosed with a mental illness. It's almost like we have many illnesses rolled into one. Hang in there. People with BP are generally very strong people who are also incredibly intelligent and creative. I'm sure you are one of them.

goody2shuz · 08-01-2007, 04:17 PM

Well said, Jen

I couldn't agree more with getting a good psychiatric evaluation with somebody who knows the meds and how to properly go about diagnosing.

Angel...it sounds as if you really trust your GP....and I have to say that he is right on in terms of taking the information and giving you a diagnosis with the best intentions in mind but still, you should get a proper evaluation with the doctor who deals with the organ affected which is the brain. Basically whether it be depression or BP there is a chemical imbalance invoved which needs to be corrected. I would highly recommend that you further discuss this with your GP and get him to give you the names of a few psychiatrists he would recommend. It will take some time to get an appointment but perhaps he can push that along for you and call one of them to see you sooner.

As far as the sexual thoughts....hypersexuality is a big thing with BP, particularly in the hypo/manic phase. Once you are properly diagnosed and medicated this will be handled so that you don't act upon impulsive urges. Alot of BPers in the manic phase will cheat or have an affair when unable to control these impulses. So being diagnosed and treated may save you and your family alot of unnecessary pain.

It sounds like you really want to find out what is wrong....and that is a gigantic step especially since you have been feeling bad for so many years. Getting to the psychiatrist will be the first step to avoid having to live this way for any more years.

BP is not something to be ashamed of and I commend you on the courage it takes for you to seek out the help that you need. The more you learn about the disorder the better equipped you will be to do all that you can do to make things better. But the first thing I would recommed is to have a good psychiatrist confirm the diagnosis.

This is a wonderful place to find support and information. Keep on posting and I guarantee that you will be glad that you came here to seek out the support and understanding you need when going through a tough an scarey time.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

FallenAngel2007 · 08-02-2007, 07:51 AM

Thanks for the responses Jen and Goody. I have to tell you, the more I read about bipolar II the more I see things make sense even in terms of my finances and being organized and all.

So you two both think maybe I should see my primary care doc and a psychiatrist? I'm supposed to be seing my therapist tomorrow, she is a licensed clinical professional counselor, and i wanted to see what her thoughts are on this before I "accept" this diagnosis. But it sounds like I should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a therapist. Right?

jendg28 · 08-02-2007, 07:59 AM

A therapist is definitely good for someone with Bipolar Disorder, but they can't presribe you meds. A Psychiatrist (not psychologist), is a M.D. who specializes in psychiatric disorders. Yes, you most definitely need to see a Psychiatrist.