New - Not sure what is going on - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

lance27eng · 08-01-2007, 05:36 PM

Hello everyone, I have been diagnosed with BP II about a year ago and although things started to become clearer and my mind drifted back into reality somewhat, I am beginning to notice that I feel depressed almost all the time. My swings go from somewhat depressed to majorly depressed. And lately the majorly depressed is ruling my life. I own my own business and this is really getting in the way of what little motivation I have.
Over the course of my behavior and since my diagnosis, I have lost 2 very special friends of more than 20yrs each. It really could be a Jerry Springer episode, so I do not fault them for abandoning. But it really hurts. There is no way my best friend will ever be my best friend again, and his "not at the time" girlfriend probably will never speak to me again. Through all of that drama is when I was finally diagnosed. I also have ADD and a slight case of Obsessive Compulsive disorder. I have come close several times since diag. of losing my wife of 16yrs. I want to get into it all but I am not comfortable yet revealing all the details. Lets leave it at my wife and I fell in love with my best friends almost girlfriend. Like I said, very Jerry. For a while my wife questioned her sexuality and didnt care about my condition. It wasnt until the girl told her it was just an experiment with us that my wife finally backed off and recommitted herself to the marriage. I am glad of this, but as I started this rambling, I am always, I mean always depressed and lazy.
Could it be the meds that I am on: Wellbutrin, Lamactil, Adderall, Cozarr (High Blood Pressure) and Colonopin as needed. I don't have Manic episodes, although I am not 100% sure what that intails. Is there anyone that can relate to the constant down. Will I ever get back up to at least normal. Could it be the meds, or could it be residue of the drama?

I really hurt all the time, any advice would be appreciated.

mudhound · 08-01-2007, 06:32 PM

I small belated welcome to the boards. Pain is just that. Pain. We all miss those we love and care for. It is just one of those items we have to deal with. Does this make it any easyer. NOT!

jendg28 · 08-02-2007, 08:04 AM

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how you feel, I have BP I. My question is, If you haven't experienced mania, why did your doctor diagnose you with BP? I was misdiagnosed with OCD before being diagnosed with BP. They misdiagnosed my delusions for obsessive fears. My doctor had to actually see me manic before he diagnosed me. I don't think that is the norm, I just didn't tell the dr everything I should have. Did you ask your dr why he diagnosed you the way he did?

lance27eng · 08-09-2007, 09:28 AM

sorry for the delay in posting.

I guess I have suffered some mania episodes. My mania moments seem to be that I will get focused on a subject or activity, and then that is all that matters. Even if it is the least important thing I need to be doing. Then the next day I can not get out of bed I am so depressed.

As for the Aderall, I have also been diagnosed with ADD and mild OCD mixed in with anxiety, stress... etc, etc. I understand the Aderall (30mg twice a day) is for focusing (ADD, OCD?). Lamactil (150mg once) is for the mood swings (BPII)... Wellbutrin (150mg twice a day)for depression, Colonopin (1mg? as needed)for anxiety, and my General Dr. has me on Cozaar for HBP. Man, listing that out makes me feel like an addict and that I am out of my mind. lol

But I think that is the whole point of this thread, has anyone else taken this cocktail? My mood swings seem to still exist (I have been on all these for about a year, maybe more). The levelness seemed to go away when my dr upped the Lamactil to 150mg. That was about 6-8 months ago. He said that it would take time for the effects to show. But just the other day, my wife told me that she still walks on eggshells when my mood is down. And I thought I was doing a lot better.

Any Ideas?

Lorily119 · 08-09-2007, 03:23 PM

Dear Lance...Believe me!! You are sooo normally me (except for the wife part). I am depressed most of the time and that is totally different than lazy. You have no desire to "do" what needs to be done, b ut feel guilty when you don't do anything about it. I live it daily. I occasionally have manic episodes where I get very angry, say mean and hurtful things and the more I try to control it, the worse it gets!! I hate those moments!!! So does everyone around me! I take Adderall 20mg 1 x day just to function! I take Lamictal 200mg 2 x day (that seemed to help so much once I moved up in dose). I take Zyprexa at night to shut off my brain (thoughts) so that I can try and sleep. I don't think that is working too well. I was on Effexor for depression, but they stopped it due to side effects. We have tried other anti-depressants, but, for some reason, nothing is agreeing with me right now! This is aweful! I am sooo depressed! I cry all of the time. I need something new to complete my recipe of meds. I, too, suffer from HBP and have a bad heart. I had a stroke at 33! Talk about a list of meds!! None of my heart meds interfere with my Bipolar meds. (I researched this) As far as Adderall...A lot of Bipolar pts are ADD or ADHD, so this drug is ok. If anything, it is a good antidepressant for adults because it gives you the energy (most of the time) to atleast accomplish something. Adderall is only a stimulant in children. Just like Concerta or Stratera. I know how you feel more than you can imagine. I think that I am better off being divorced at this point because I do not have to worry about pleasing someone else or what they are thinking about me. I have 2 boys that keep me going and I think that that is my best therapy so far. Good Luck!! We will find ourselves again!!!