hi! anyone got any advice for a BIG worrier? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

faerie85 · 08-02-2007, 07:11 AM

Hi,
I've just joined this site, guess I'm stuck in a bit of a rut and it's amazing how confiding in strangers can help sticky situations. I suppose i'm just looking for help and advice, maybe even just an ear that understands all the complicated (or what seems to be complicated at the moment) issues of being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar. I've just moved to a new place and don't really know anyone here or have any local friends i can talk to and i get myself in such a mess worrying about my partner and his cycles. (he was diagnosed bipolar just under a year ago)

Just lately i've been feeling under the weather and bringing myself down with concern for him. He's going through a difficult patch at the moment and i feel so selfish but i can't stop it from affecting me. I want to do the right things for him but i'm starting to feel really down myself and pretty isolated too as i find talking to people about my problems very difficult. Am I a terrible person? cos i'm starting to feel like I am...I just want to do the right thing by my boyfriend. We have a great relationship and I'm so proud of the way he's handling his troubles at the moment, I just feel like i'm letting him down. Anyone else have this problem or any idea what i should do?

Wend68 · 08-02-2007, 07:59 AM

Hi faerie85,

Welcome to the board, I just joined too at the weekend, there are alot of really caring, helpful people on this site who will give you lost of advice im sure! I too care alot for someone who was dx BP1 about a year ago and will try my best to help you out!

You will need ALOT of patience, caring and understanding, let him know how much you care and you will be there to support him when he needs you. I have found the more I educate myself on BP the more you will understand and be able to help your partner and yourself, read as much information as you can find and about what meds he is on too. It will probably be a bumpy road to say the least! There are a number of people on this board the are not only BP but care for someone with BP. My personel experience has been very frustrating and confusing sometimes trying to understand what they are going through and trying to help the best I can. It would seem the more accepting they are of their illness, the better chance they have at getting better and communication is the key! although again sometimes that is very hard as they can shut themselves off to people that are close to them, (which is sometimes the case in my situation) leaving you feeling hurt and that it is something to do with you but you have to try to remember that it's not about you, it's about them. I am still trying my best to learn as much as I can but it can affect you so try and look after yourself as much as you can too! I must admitt there have been plenty of times when my friends have said that I am mad to put up with his behaviour sometimes and I've thought what am I doing? I don't need all this and just walk away but it's sooo much easier said than done when you have feelings for someone! I too have felt terrible and guilty sometimes when I have been upset with him for something he has done and had a go at him but try to remember only you know what he is really like and it's not him but the illness. BP can test the patience of a saint so don't beat yourself up, he is lucky to have someone care enough about him to want to find out more and stick by him, not many people would take the time. Anyway just wanted to welcome and wish you good luck!

wend x

faerie85 · 08-02-2007, 09:01 AM

Thanks wend.
Its comforting to know that i'm not totally alone and that there are other people out there in the same situation as me. I'll definitely take your advice. It's just hard being strong all the time you know? Thanks again so much. Hope everything works out ok with you.
best wishes
F x

FallenAngel2007 · 08-02-2007, 11:35 AM

faerie - listen girl, this is just my opinion here and others may differ, but you need to take care of yourself and make sure YOU are well before you attempt to take care of him. The reason I say this is I have spent so much of my life trying to "fix" other people and make others happy that over the years it just wore me down until I forgot who/what I was! Don't let that happen to you.

I commend you for helping your bf as you do, maybe a local support group would give you an outlet where you can meet some other people who are close by? If not, you have us here!

Take care of yourself girl, first and foremost, if you fall into a deep depression what is going to happen to him? Keep things in perspective, prioritize if necessary, take it easy.

Dee-nah · 08-03-2007, 04:59 AM

My best advice (and this is coming from someone that is BP) is always remember the GOOD in this person... I know it's hard to deal with a BP but don't loose sight on why you are with this person...