Paul...I am pleased that you took this challange to start this Thread.
Your story could be a "clone" for so many Male BPers. I know, because I went through almost all what you described in your early undiagnosed years and more.Truly,there is some relief, when we can say that the right combination and dosage of medication is starting to give stability. But compliance is manentory.
You may remember that my history is long one : 26 years of unstable and uncontrolable BP. It took 3 hospitalizations and an attemped sucide, to start any semlance of begining stability. I am now in my 23rd year of stability.
Below,I printed a portion of your post. It appears that your present main concern is reestablishment of your job statue :
Quote:
Originally Posted by paulgarrett01 
The main area of my life I now wish to improve is my job status. Having enjoyed demanding and challenging roles since graduation, I wish to return to a similar level of challenging well paid employment in the future. However only as recently as early Summer, I became delusional again (whilst not noteably manic) beliving as has been typified by such eppisodes that I in some way have the solution to world peace and harmony (my rispidone was increased and my thinking returned to normal). Clearly if I were to express such belifes in a working invironment my credability would be shot and it would be clear to future collegues and my employer that I have a mental health condition.
The combination of 5 years distruped health and the threat that this illness could start all over again has severly dented my self confidence. Whilst I still take Depakote as a mood stabiliser, my mood seems to have stabilised on the low side and I seem to lack, drive, confidence, creativity etc. All characteristics that I have relyed upon in my previous job roles and now feel lost without. Whilst I recognise that some of these characteristics may return once I am back in employment and presented by day to day challenges, right now I fear being lost in the working environment as I have expirienced these problems when previously trying to work whist dealing with depression.
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Truly,Paul,your job status is perhaps and will be the most challenging goal of maintaining stability with BP. Setting your goals to high by attaining the same level of financial employment as in the past,was the trigger to more episodes.
However, you relized the symptoms of delusions soon enough to take full control with medication change. That was most important. And I hope helped you understand that patience and tolerence of BP is needed in all of your goal settings.
Know and learn to accept that your fears of this illness can and may start over in your present life, is very valid. If your self confidence has changed, then is the time ask why. And working on ways to change your feelings. Again, possible med changes may be necessary. Depression can be controled.
Keep your goals level and strive toward stability,again. Give yourself the benifit of time and patience. Your stability will return. You have a new wife and a new family on the way. Always think in the present ( about them). Never revert back to your older episodes and your troubled past. You can find stability only in your furture !
What I bring to you in these thoughts come from my continued work on my 23 years of stability. It still can be a day to day challange....but I have found that the days can strech father apart when I know that my stability will always continue. It's learning to read the "clues"
I welcome your continued thoughts toward stability,Paul.
I also welcome other Male BPer to your new thread. Together, we can
provide some answers to continued stability.
Carry On,
Linear Mode
