Some advice needed - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

jules3 · 09-15-2007, 07:45 PM

Hi all my friends, where i run to when im in turmoil.

Most of you know about my son and his problem bp probably? on topamax and zoloft. Well, lately he has become that person he was but only on the weekends, strange but i do understand why...his couple of friends are away at college, he has no friends at home and is not socializing on the weekends and has become very depressed and full of anxiety again. And, the icing on the cake is his 18 yr old sister that is completely happy with her bf and was home for the weekend..my son acted like a complete lunatic , telling her that he doesnt want him in our home, making horrible comments in front of him humilating her and me so bad that she ran out of here.For no reason, her bf is a nice kid treats her like a queen. She now cant stand her brother and i cant blame her. he is so miserable and wants to make everybody that is happy miserable too. im am so sick and tired of this nonsense..what makes a 21 yr old have no self control? he cant control his negative actions and seems to not have a conscience? her b.f is a human being, a person and he treated him like an animal. To be honest i am so fed up with him i would love to have him move out of here. I told him that i would like to come to see his therapist with him this week. he will not allow it. What am i to do? i am so upset and so is my daughter..he is taking topamax for his moods, tried to lower it and than realized he needed to keep his dosage as it was. so he went back to it..he does know that he needs his medication. could it be time to add something? Im at my wits end..all i know is that i had enough of this behaviour and when i try to explain to him that hes acting outta control, he really, really doesnt see it..its truly like talking to a wall. he blames everybody else alwayss...im sorry, i guess i needed to vent..

goody2shuz · 09-15-2007, 08:05 PM

Hey, Jules....it was getting pretty quiet around here, almost like the calm before the storm.

I am sorry that everything seems to have escalated with your son. I think that you must know, as I do, how this all is due to the changes that have occurred over the past few weeks. The new job and starting with college again and change in itself. The boredom staring him in the face not having anything to do with his down time as if it is the worst thing in the world.

The decreasing of his Topamax couldn't have happened at a worse time!! With all that added stress and that decrease in his med I think the behavior that you see exhibited by your son has everything to do with it.

Not that it should be excused but also....your son may be also reacting to the loss of his sister to college and her BF. He had to lash out and went for the one who he needed to get out of the way. I am sure that he is also upset at seeing how your daughter's life is so balanced as compared to his. And that must be really upsetting him even more than he can possibly understand right now.

I think that you need to keep the home as tranquil a setting as possible. Try to take your daughter aside and talk to her about how this all may be affecting your son and how unaware he is of what he is saying and doing right now. At the same time acknowledge her feelings of hurt at how his behavior is hurtful and wrong but that in his condition he is unable to see it as so.

Let things settle down a bit with your son. If he becomes upset and angry make a suggestion in as calm a way that you can that he settle down in his room for a while until he rides it out. Does he have the ability to take some Seroquel when needed???? I would definitely encourage him to take the Topamax as prescribed and reassurre him that things should get better. Tell him that his behavior is not acceptable and it is hurtful....that you know that he is hurting himself but that doesn't give him the right to hurt others. That you want to help him and if he needs you that you are there. Make some suggestions such as "I know that starting a class and working are most likely putting more stress on you and perhaps talking to your pdoc and tdoc about this will allow them to make some adjustment with your meds so that it isn't such a difficult thing for you."

Give him some space and time.....encourage him to sleep and give him hope that you know that it will get better but he has to have the courage to talk to his pdoc and tdoc and if he needs you to help him that you are there for him.

Hopefully with that time and space as well as the Topamax back to the proper doseage, we will see some improvement.

We are here for you, Jules. You are a GREAT mom and I guess your son needs to know that he has your love and that everything is going to be alright. Right now he doesn't see it that way but hearing it from you may make a big difference.

(((((HUGS)))))) to a wonderful friend ~ Goody

jules3 · 09-15-2007, 09:12 PM

yes goody everything you said makes sense..hes confused about alot of things and always had his sister around to watcha movie with..now, she iscompletely wrapped up in him for awhile..and has not been looking to hangout with her brother...so hes getting rejection from all sides.. but thsi is life he needs to learn to deal without creating bedlam around all of us..its not acceptable anymore..its getting old and tiresome. and frankly, i had enough and i wish he could find an apartment and move out.. we would all get some much needed peace...

goody2shuz · 09-15-2007, 09:43 PM

Jules ~ I know how this sucks the life out of you but I also know that as much as you want your son out of your house you would still have as much inner turmoil as you are experiencing right now....I don't know, Jules, I would imagine that I would be feeling just as frustrated as you right now if my kids were 21 and still making life so stressful day in and day out. I have a few more years to go with Erin yet but Kait is almost there. I must say that when she is away it IS less stressful, I don't worry about her as much and there is definitely some truth to the saying "what you don't see won't hurt you."

So....perhaps you will have to set a deadline with your son and this could be possibly the final push to his taking ownership of all of this and his life.

What do you think???

I do know the turmoil that you are going through.....been there and done that!!

But I am also seeing the results of staying strong & hopeful when I see how things have turned around for Erin. I know that they will for you and your son too....it's just a matter of time.....right???

Meanwhile...hopefully Tsohl will have some more insight to share. I forgot when she said that she would be back. She had the wedding and went to see the doctors and I am anxious to hear about the outcome of that.

Kait continues to do well...she actually says that she is too tired to go out like she did last year with this internship which I think is a good thing!! She continues with the Lamictal and increases to 100mgs on Thursday!!!

That is about the time that Erin first started seeing a difference and I am hoping to here that from Kait as well. I am taking a low profile on things and she voluntarily tells me about her increases which I am happy to see.

My family is upset to hear that my brother had a setback when he had to get a central line put in for his meds and IV fluids to be given since the other line he had gave way. He went in yesterday. They had to give him some twilight sedation and when they did between that and the trauma to his central nervous system he went back into tremors.....was in and out of them for about 11 hours yesterday. Today they aren't as bad but he fell when PT tried to get him to a chair hitting his head. He is back on the oxygen and unable to walk or move without having those episodes. We are hoping that it is only temporary and that it won't take him so long to get back to how great he was doing before the surgery. He is still in the hospital and trying his best to get home again.

Well....I want you to know that I am thinking of you and your family. So your daughter is home again???? How are things going at college for her??? IT is obvious how much she is missing her BF!!

I sure hope that she is able to work things out with your son before she goes back again. I know this must be killing you to see them upset with one another.

Vent all you want, Jules!! We all have our moments and it is good to be able to come here knowing that we have others who will understand.

Hang in there and know that I am right there beside you.

Love ~ Goody

Lor60 · 09-16-2007, 07:20 AM

Hi Jules,

I am sorry to hear that your son is having such a difficult time right now. Do you think he would reconsider and allow you to attend his tdoc appointment or at least email the therapist prior to the appointment? Of course my son is much younger, but his therapist either meets with me or emails me prior to each session just to get my perspective of how Drew is doing. It sounds like your son just doesn't have a lot of insight. I know it's much harder when they are over 18.

Also it sounds like your son is doing OK during the week but having more trouble on weekends. With his friends and sister away at school he is probably lonely and feeling sorry for himself. Could you and your husband plan some activities for him on the weekend just to keep him busy and help him get over this rough period? My husband and I have been doing this for several months with our son. He is doing better but is not socializing with his friends except at school and practice. We have been keeping him busy with family activities and although it is exausting at times we really are enjoying all the time we spend with him.

Is your son still working out? I know with Drew he gets really edgy if he doesn't get some exercise every day.

Hang in there Jules. You are a great mom and your son has come so far. Now that he has been clean for a while it might be a good time to reevaluate his dianosis and medications to see if a change would help him become more stable.

Goody, I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I will say a prayer for him and his family.

I have some exciting news to report. Drew is now an Uncle which makes me a Grandma. Our oldest dauhgter had a baby boy on Friday. Everyone is doing well and I must say that he is the most adorable newborn I have ever seen. They live about two hours north of us so I am hoping we will get to see him often.

Lor