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Old 10-21-2007, 06:26 PM   #1
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seaturtle HB User
Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Hello, all,

I just climbed out of a major depression, and now am hypomanic again, not able to sit still, going all day, sleeping much less and not tired.
What I am having great difficulty with is just waves of irritability coming over me when I just feel as if I hate everyone and everything. I am generally a quiet, pretty compasionate and considerate person.
Sometimes, I feel as if I just cannot stand my friends...and I love them very much. Don't want to talk to them.

This has got to be the oddest and in a way funniest thing: I just got irritated with a cucumber that wouldn't slice right. Lol, this is bad.

Anyone know if this kind of upset is hypomania or just a continuation of depression? And, for reassurance, has anyone else felt this way? I hate it and don't want to feel like this.

Thanks everyone,

Seaturtle

 
Old 10-21-2007, 06:33 PM   #2
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

I can get that way. Normally it is the first day of being hypo...my mind is just going so fast that everyone else seems slow and that irritates me. That is when the xanax helps....

 
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Old 10-21-2007, 06:43 PM   #3
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Thanks, Tony,

You said the first day - does this abate as the hypomania goes on? (What an odd question...)

And I guess I'll find out, too, sigh.

Seaturtle

 
Old 10-21-2007, 06:52 PM   #4
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Hi Seaturtle,

Yes indeed, what you are describing are typical symtoms of hypomania. So many people think that they must not have bipolar disorder because they never experience a "classic" mania, the kind we think of as euphoria, over-the-top feelings, etc. However, much, much more common is hypomania, the lesser extreme of mania, which often presents as agitation, irritability, uncontrolled feelings of rage or anger, problems with sleep. You can also have a mixed episode where you feel kind of depressed but also really cranky and short-fused.

The way to get this under control is through the judicious use of mood stabilizers. In my son's case, it takes 3 to keep him in the middle ground where he is pretty much free of any mood swings or symptoms.

xx Tsohl

 
Old 10-21-2007, 07:53 PM   #5
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Thats how I'm feeling too. Coming out of depression but slipping back and forth between it. The whole time very irritable and snapping at everyone and everything. I myself am not this way...just can't help it. And of course I have an extremely hard time thinking before speaking or acting so it gets me in trouble a lot. As well as hurts pples feelings. Seaturtle we are very much alike in that sense. Feel free to vent your frustrations on here anyime.

Tony~~I need Xanax cause my Klonopin does not cut it at all!!!
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Old 10-21-2007, 10:16 PM   #6
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Thanks, everyone. At least I know I am not turning into a nasty person. I am so tired of going up and down like this...had an appt. w/pdoc Friday, but she went home sick.

I've taken some Xanax to cool down and decided to take a little time to sit and count my blessings, even if I don't feel that way. I also called a friend on the phone who's been struggling with cancer, State 3, and now they've found it in the bone marrow. That set me right back on my heels. Perspective.

Tsohl, thanks for the reassurance. Hearing just facts like those helps me know it's not me, it's symptoms.
When I"m like this, I try to stay away from other people a lot. It's not their fault I have moods, and I don't want to visit my amorphous anger on anyone.

Once again, the support here is seeing me through.
So many thanks,

Seaturtle

 
Old 10-21-2007, 11:01 PM   #7
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Forgotten1 HB User
Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Quote:
Originally Posted by seaturtle View Post
Hello, all,

I just climbed out of a major depression, and now am hypomanic again, not able to sit still, going all day, sleeping much less and not tired.
What I am having great difficulty with is just waves of irritability coming over me when I just feel as if I hate everyone and everything. I am generally a quiet, pretty compassionate and considerate person.
Sometimes, I feel as if I just cannot stand my friends...and I love them very much. Don't want to talk to them.

This has got to be the oddest and in a way funniest thing: I just got irritated with a cucumber that wouldn't slice right. Lol, this is bad.

Anyone know if this kind of upset is hypomania or just a continuation of depression? And, for reassurance, has anyone else felt this way? I hate it and don't want to feel like this.

Thanks everyone,

Seaturtle
Sorry Seaturtle, I've been occupied with dealing with myself and others. I just saw this post, and thank you so much for the others. Well, you know what? That's EXACTLY how my friend feels a lot of the time, and she is bipolar as I have said. It is VERY frustrating to her. In addition to the feelings you mentioned, it's also frustrating to her because some don't get why she can be away from them, and WITH or around others when she is feeling that way. The closeness seems to be the issue, at least in part. Those that know her well. Like me, actually.

So, yeah, like you and for the same reasons, she wants to be away, doesn't want to hurt me, or others, and then feels guilty for disappearing so often and worries that people don't get it because they haven't before. She tries but it's hard, and often she says others don't seem to be happy with what she does try to do. And she does try, but you have to use more than your eyes and ears to see it.

Hypomania is supposed to be more treatable though than mania, and has a chance of being treated more by mood stabilizers alone, than having to combine with more meds. But sometimes things need to be added, or dosages adjusted slightly during such times, because what worked before doesn't now. The mixed state though, that isn't a good place to be for long. Anger mixed with depression can lead to terrible guilt, frustration, and even self harm -- cutting and worse. The pressure of being aware of others hurt, and your own, wanting to help but feeling handcuffed by emotions and encumbered by those that may not get you is a LOT to deal with.

But, I'm sure you more than know most of this. I will tell you that you AREN'T alone. From what I've seen, every friend with bipolar I've had (about 5) struggles with this some, and those I have met through NAMI also deal with this. They overcome, address it, but sometimes the feelings return.

Boy! Angry at a cucumber, huh . . . That is SOOOOOO my friend. When I'm with her I can kind of make her laugh at it a little, but it's still frustrating if you can't stop the surges of emotion.

I know with me, and my occasional PTSD, I CAN get emotional surges. Perhaps from the depression and anxiety that accompanies it. It was really bad once, a cycle. I had nerve pain and tremors from the fear at how I was feeling. I didn't realize that all I had seen could have such an effect. I knew it mentally, but . . . It was so bad for a while I noticed myself snapping a lot at everything, rage, etc. Mostly I was hurting, depressed, but it had nowhere to go and was so strong nothing abated it. I was given xanax, actually. It helped my sleep cycle get back to a somewhat norm and the sleep, not the xanax helped. I mean, THAT took the edge off. Poor sleep is a terrible thing for most people, let alone those with bipolar, and can bring about all kinds of stress and anger and depression if allowed to go on too long. I remember thinking "what's wrong with me! I shouldn't be this angry, frustrated. I FELT the depression. Knew and understood that. I tried walks and that helped some, tried writing, channeling the energy someplace like work, or creative pursuits that I could give to others. But only when the depression wasn't crushing.

I wish, like with my friend, I could do more for you.

 
Old 10-22-2007, 04:22 AM   #8
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Seaturtle,
How are you doing this morning? I hope that you're having a better day. It's hard for me right now to help anyone. Dealing with my issues is draining and I wish that I could help more for you. I'm sorry that you are still struggling and I hope you can get out of it soon. Brighter days are ahead. Its hard to think that I know because it's hard for me to beleive that for myself.

I guess when I get more of a grip on myself and my own BP I may be able to help you and others more. The only thing that keeps me going right now are my kids. If it weren't for them I'd be in bed every day while I'm down. It's so hard to put on a "game face" and go on with daily routines.
Hope you feel better soon. And don't worry about your anger and moodiness those are just your feelings and feelings that you don't want to have. They don't define you.
(((((((hugs))))))))
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Old 10-22-2007, 06:23 AM   #9
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

and TRY to remember that this is a FUNK this is not who you are and you do not feel this way all the time! I try and tell myself when I get in these moods that it's only temporary....
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Old 10-22-2007, 09:53 PM   #10
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seaturtle HB User
Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Thanks, you guys,

I feel less alone reading your posts. I have appt. w/pdoc on Friday, and will try to hold out until then.
I don't totally turn off on my friends and withdraw like your friend. I will talk with them briefly, stay friendly, but just not be in contact for very long.
I don't want them to bear the brunt of my mood, though I haven't the patience for talking for very long.
I try to do this even though I am feeling far from friendly - but as I said, that feeling can just as well apply to a cucumber or something that drops on the floor as it can to a person. I try to keep in mind that it is me, not them, that's the cause of the irritation.

This is such a lonely space, except for this board, where I can tell the truth. Otherwise, to meet me on the street, you'd think I were fine...

Hope everyone feels better soon,

Seaturtle

 
Old 10-23-2007, 05:50 AM   #11
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Seaturtle, Iím glad you posted about not wanting to talk to your friends. Thatís exactly what my friend is doing to me right now. Maybe youíve read my posts on my thread about it. Perhaps it's only that my friend is really irritated with the world and might be taking it out on me. I would love to hear more about how you feel when that is happening. Maybe that will help me understand what my friend is feeling and give me a clue on what I can do to continue to be his friend through it. Any ideas you have would be helpful.

Tinkerbell, thatís interesting that you said you have a hard time thinking before speaking. I guess my friend doesnít really mean to hurt my feelings after all.

 
Old 10-23-2007, 06:32 AM   #12
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Tinkerbell, I feel the same way I have a hard time thinking before speaking and this adds more frustration to the situation... I can't communicate and I become silent so I turn away and deal with it myself.. I haven't found a way out of that stage, I just can't get it out!

And bio, I'm sure your friend is not doing anything to you on purpose.. Believe or not we do not go out seeking to hurt anyone and if we feel we do it destroy's us.. We are VERY sensitive to others and just want to be understood...

This is all brewing from the inside so when my friends and family see me they see nothing wrong and when I begin to tell them I'm not feeling right they are not prepared which makes the words even more difficult to tell.... I really think that is why I personally keep my mouth shut!
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Last edited by Dee-nah; 10-23-2007 at 06:35 AM.

 
Old 10-23-2007, 06:49 AM   #13
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

I find a lot of hope in these posts, as angry rumination/agitation/putting on a happy face for others has become a way of life for me. I seem to get stuck in a loop about a certain "loss" - something that should've happened but didn't. Then I feel angry with those who were responsible for letting me down, one of which is a parent.

Sometimes, though I want to get to know this parent, I wish I never had to be around them, as that just stirs the pot, making me feel hurt and then angry.

At 35 I began to "wake up" to many things, mainly wrongs done to me, and now at 40, I still struggle to move on. I've read books on forgiveness, read all the scriptures, prayed and prayed. I'll feel fine and logical about a past situation for a while, and then, the smallest word or event will trigger an angry, often hostile state. I hate it, and afterwards, I feel very disappointed in myself.

This thread has validated my own experience.

Seaturtle, it will ease up. I pray today is a great day for you, and that your next appt is very helpful. This is a difficult journey, but like you said about your friend with cancer, it could be worse. I often resort to counting blessings, or plunging into a book or movie that will distract me, if I'm able to focus long enough.

Hugs to you

Elf

 
Old 10-23-2007, 05:23 PM   #14
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Re: Need help coping with agitation and flashes of anger

Dee-nah, thatís nice what you said about my friend not wanting to hurt me on purpose. That makes me feel a lot better and Iím finally starting to believe it. My friend is also very sensitive to others and Iím sure he felt very bad after I told him how hurt I was on my birthday, which Iím really sorry for. But from talking to people on here, Iím really starting to understand him. I just wish there was some way he could know I do understand him. Maybe some day.

 
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