Messed up BAD last night - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Tinkerbell79 · 10-24-2007, 06:09 AM

Ok so last night I was havin a manic episode. Kind of a blessing from the almost month long of depression. Except....instead of taking my Seroquel and putting myself to sleep no matter how wide awake I was...I stayed up ALL night. I get hooked on this computer and can stay on here for hours ,and even though there's a little clock on the lower right of the screen,still lost time. I was excited though because a guy that I've been talking to on and off and more in the recent week IMed me around 12am when he got home from work. He and i talked till 5am!! I was fine until about 7am. Not I'm crashing and dead tired and I have an appt with the intake/eval lady for the outpatient program as well as an appt with SS right after that. Plus a ton of errands to run. I just hope I either catch a second wind or I can get home in time to catch a couple hours of sleep before my kids get home. If I'm still tired when they get home I will be very irritated. So anyway it's my fault but I have a hard time tellin myself to do things I need or should do. I'm totally defiant of myself most of the time.

I'll keep yall posted when i get back about how the eval/intake went. I better be ableto get into the program or I'm going to get pretty hostile in that office. No sleep and still in manic state does not look good for the pple in the office if they give me bad news. Oh man I will so go off!!! They may committ me then haha.

Catch up with you all later.

fineanddandy · 10-24-2007, 09:11 AM

Tinkerbell, I know it can be hard to make yourself go to bed (especially when you are IM'ing someone special!). BUT, I think you need to make 2 resolutions:
1. You will set an alarm clock and take your Seroquel when you are supposed to.
2. You will turn down the brightness on your computer when you take your Seroquel so that you aren't stimulated by the light from it.

If you feel the need to stay up - I wish you wouldn't: you know it will make you worse - but, okay, I understand. Just promise yourself that you will do the other 2 things to give yourself a fighting chance.

Good luck with your appt today.
F&D

FallenAngel2007 · 10-24-2007, 10:54 AM

Tink I know how you feel and how easy it is to get in that position. And I justify it to myself half the time, lol. I think - well, for the past 2 weeks i haven't been able to get OUT of bed, so I need to take advantage of this "up" time while I have it. I typically start cleaning, doing whatever I can that is quiet so I don' t wake anyone up, cause I'm terrified of getting caught being awake, lol.

It's hard, and I know I probalby need to go on a mood stabilizer as my doc has suggested but i'm terrified of being numb. Christ, half the time I'm overanalyzing myself trying ot figure out *** I feel, lol. (Am I really like this or am I manic? Am I just exhausted and tired or am I depressed? I don't even know if what i feel is real anymore, and so the thought of adding another med is terrifying for me)

Anyway, didn't mean to ramble, just wanted to let you know you're not alone girl!

Angel

sacee · 10-24-2007, 11:22 AM

Tink -

Hang in there and I wish you well today. Let usnow how it goes!

Llama · 10-24-2007, 11:40 AM

Oh Tinkerbell, don't beat yourself up too much! We all make mistakes! I have done the same. We just have to work on them so we can get better habits! Easier said than done I know!

Well I'm off to the pdoc too. I'll post when I get back too and you post too! It will be funny. I am still a little manic! haha! The good kind too. I am sorry you are having the bad angry kind.

Well I do hope all goes well for you at your eval and appt! Talk to ya later!