I think ive screwed up big time, not for the 1st time
but I also know it wont be the last time too
I was Diagnosed earlier this year with BP and was on prozac for about 3 months before being seen by the Pdoc etc, and then put on Sodium Valp too. Now I am taking just the SV in 1000mg per day after having the anti dep stopped last month, as well as the visits by the CPN to my home.
All was going well so I thought untill I found out that my other half was seeing someone else, and that made me phsyically sick as well as a deep downer, which im finding it difficult to climb out of at the moment.
At the time I found out she lied to my face (she even had his house keys) I lashed out in a rage something I aint proud off and have never done before, and I hope I will never do again? she also swore that she aint slept with him but then told me a week later that she had.
I blame myself a lot for what has happened as she says i never told her I loved her or anything like that, or showed any effection she was in one room I in the other, I used to spend hours on here just clicking irrelevent S*** that I had no interest in and didnt go to bed on a nite time cause i wasnt tired for weeks on end, as well as getting into bed and up again about an hour or 2 later ready for the day ahead, thousands of things to do, and started loads but never finished anything.
I just feel like S*** at the moment .
She wants to make things upto me I just dont know what to believe as she has told me lie after lie now for 3 weeks. I am screwed up most of the time without this but even worse at the moment, I still aint sleeping, my appetite is non existant, I just feel like im spiralling out of control on a downward slope with no end in site?
I have had thoughts of doing silly things but at the moment they are just thoughts nothing more? not like last time thankfully