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Old 12-27-2007, 06:46 PM   #1
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steamrollhehe HB User
Afraid to be happy?

I've been so happy lately, not manic happy, just regular feelin' good. And it scares me. It's like I'm never allowed to be happy without something bad happening. Do you guys ever feel that way? I'm afraid that the longer I am happy and doing well the harder I'll crash.

I just turned 17 (the day after Christmas) and I spent the holidays with my family. Last Christmas I was in in a secure facility and was allowed to see my mother for 2 hours each day on my birthday and on Christmas. It was in Alabama and I live in Virginia so I didn't get to see them all that much. My sweet 16 stunk.

But this season everything is going so well, I find myself smiling for no reason, and singing to the radio- I never do that. But in the back of my mind, I'm afraid that I'll crash and burn and be sent away again. I mean, Last time I was happy like this for this long was right before I was diagnosed. I was happy then and look what happened.

I guess I'm just wondering do you guys find that you can be happy with out something bad happening? I'm young and don't have enough experience with life to know. In my life bad things happen when I'm happy, either I get manic and way too happy or I plummet and get really depressed or a tramatic event happens. Can I just be happy without my life spinning out of control? As far as know I don't think so. That's rather dark and cynical, but it's how I feel. What should I do? I don't think I can stop myself from being happy but I want to be but I'm scared. Thanks for the advice

---steamroll

 
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Old 12-27-2007, 09:59 PM   #2
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Re: Afraid to be happy?

There's nothing wrong with being happy hun. You just got to remember that highs start out as "just happy". I don't think this attitude bodes bad for you but i would be careful. That crash on the other side can really suck. I have had a few really good happy days & when i do, i just go to my room and play music. I listen to most anything but when i'm happy i like hard rock. I listen to it LOUD till my mood stablizes. I mean stable too, not totally happy but not bummed either. Music is a great stablizer. If you like certain kinds then it can help improve your mood. Or bring you down just enough. There are other things that can help, chamomile tea & other herbs, to stablize you. If you try the herbals, enjoy them in moderation. Enjoy your happy time, just not TOO much. Highs can be great but the lows that follow blow big time. Last but not least, don't be so cynical. You're too young to have such a loused up outlook on life. I'm old and cranky so people expect it from me but you're sposed to enjoy your teenage life, a lil at least. I know being BP as a teenager can really blow but with the right meds and some therapy, it can be alright. Take care and I hope you enjoyed you holiday and birthday. Happy Birthday too!!!!!!!! Shane

 
Old 12-27-2007, 10:19 PM   #3
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Re: Afraid to be happy?

steam, I know exactly how you feel. I know this is easier said than done, but maybe you just have to go with the happiness and try not to think about the possiblel bad that may or may not occur. You seem like a strong person and I think that you will be able to handle things that come your way.

I wish I had the answer to your happiness question but I just turned 24 and do not have much experience with that either. I guess time will tell for us. I hope for the best. (((HUGS)))

 
Old 12-28-2007, 08:27 AM   #4
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Re: Afraid to be happy?

Thank you for your responses. Shane- I think the music is a good idea, my tdoc just suggested it the other day but I was unsure if it would work, it seems too easy. However, hearing that it does work for some people makes me want to give it a try, thank you.

Llama- I love hearing that other people feel this way too. It makes me feel like I am not so alone. I will try to enjoy it- be in the present moment and such. Oh BTW thanks for the comment on the other thread, it made me feel speical!!!!!

Today I am going to NY to visit my family for New Years and I am a little worried about it. My grandmother doesn't believe in modern medicine (and her son, my dad, is a doctor, ironic huh?) much less mental illnesses. She thinks that if I had better posture and went for runs and tried harder I would be cured. So if I get manic I don't know how she would handle it. Also, we are driving back Tuesday night late and going to school the next morning. I usually need several days to recuperate from trips, I hope I am going to be okay. But mostly I am excited! I love seeing my aunts and cousins and grandmother!

So, I will try just be happy and enjoy it, yet at the same time watch for warning signs of trouble.

---Steamroll

 
Old 12-28-2007, 10:51 PM   #5
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cherokepyrte HB User
Re: Afraid to be happy?

Steam, I hope you enjoy your visit in NY. I also hope you don't tweak out in front of your grams. Try to get some sleep on the trip back or you might get cranky when you get back to school. You're welcome for the suggestion of music. I've been BP since i was 15, at least, and it has gotten me thru an awful lot. I have found that the cry in your beer country stuff brings you down too fast. Cheatin' songs tend to get you emotionally intense on top of an episode. Classic rock (my fave) tends to emote towards your baser instincts, hard releases aggression, soft releases tears, middle gets you a desent mood. But you need to pick your own style that works for you. Experimentation is not a bad thing in this case. Good luck and let us know what works for you. Shane

 
Old 12-29-2007, 10:33 AM   #6
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Pri Lily HB User
Re: Afraid to be happy?

Hi Steam....

My therapist checks my symptoms, if I feel like I'm a little too happy....

Spending, sex drive, impulsiveness, and recklessness are my big manic indicators....

If all these things are ok.....I relax, and go with it......it's ok to enjoy!

If something is a little out of normal range, I just really watch that symptom, 'til it adjusts itself.

Staying in the present moment, is one of the biggest presents you can give yourself.

Have fun in NY.....

Lil

 
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