Wishing things were better - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

steamrollhehe · 01-14-2008, 08:55 AM

Hi again,

I've been having a rough time. Yesterday night I overdosed on tylenol. I went into the hospital and drank charcoal and was fine. I didn't, however, go into the psych ward because of the circumstances.

It was weird. Things were going well, I was happy and I have no idea why I did it. I had black outs and don't remember getting from one room to another. It was like I just woke up and found myself with a half empty container, still taking the tylenol by the hand full. I woke up my mom and dad (it was 2 am) and dad took me to the hospital. I had a pdoc evaluate me and based on the fact that there were no beds in the hospitial and I was not sucidial I didn't go into the psych ward. I still have no idea why I did it.

I have missed a bizillion days of school and am stressing out about it. Silly huh? school is one of the least important things in my life right now and it's what I'm most worried about. I hate school, I am in the proccess of trying to change to a small private school. I really hope it works out. I have never hated school before and now I dread waking up in the morning, knowing that I have to go to this miserable school again.

I have a pdoc appointment tomorrow and a tdoc apppointment the next day. I am not looking forward to the tdoc appointment, I know I am going to have to try and answer questions that I don't have answers to.

I just don't know where to go from here. I am afraid that if I screw up any more my parents will send me away again, and I am afraid of myself, I mean, if I don't remember how this happened, it could happen again. I can't take this any more, I just want to be happy and healthy, is that so much to ask?

Wishing things were better,
-steamroll

jules3 · 01-14-2008, 05:21 PM

steam, please go to your appts and be totally honest with your doctors..if you are not ,you are only hurting yourself. let them have a chance to help you. You should have been admitted..some doctors are so stupid and you are right, they probably didnt have a bed...i hear how you feel about school, you need to be perfectly honest with your parents too...tell them how you feel, losing some time away from school is not horrible..it can be made up.

seaturtle · 01-14-2008, 08:00 PM

Hi, steamroll,

Yes, go to your appointments and be sure to tell them about not realizing what you were doing.

You mention a private school, any idea of time table on that?
It does sound as though going to school now is a major issue for you.

First things first, though; you could have killed yourself (and there must be a part of you that wants to do that). Do whatever you can to get and stay safe.

Also, make clear to those helping you how bad your experiences were before when you were sent away. There must be other ways for you to get treatment.

Let us know what's going on. I'll be looking for your next post, and hang in there.

Seaturtle

Llama · 01-14-2008, 08:40 PM

Oh dear steam, that is quite a scary night that you had. I am so glad to hear that you are ok. Please post to us here next time you feel like doing something like that. We are here to listen and help eachother.

I know how you feel about school being so stressful. I just feel like I want to pull my hair out most of the time. Yet, is this what we should be really worrying about? It seems so dumb but the pressure is so real. It's always in the back of my mind. Is that how you feel? I just dropped another class so I am now officially part-time (only 2 classes). I feel so dumb, yet know this is a good decision for me. I think? What if I could have handled more? I feel like I am wasting all this time and money...I really hope I can finish. I only need 6more classes, and only 4 if I finish this semester.

Sorry for blabbling. But I really do care about you and I want you to feel good and feel like doing things like that. That scares the crap out of me. I hope you are feeling ok now, and I know that your next tdoc and pdoc appts will be hard...but hopefully they will be helpful! Please, please take care of yourself. You are one of my favorite people to talk to on here.

fineanddandy · 01-15-2008, 03:16 AM

Oh, steamroll, honey,

I am sorry you are having a rough time this week! My heart goes out to you. Here a couple of thoughts for you:

First, discuss what happened in detail with your pdoc. Perhaps you are oversedated.

Second, be sure to go to bed right after you take your night-time meds. I'm not sure what you take, but chances are they are sedating and you aren't really "in your right mind" after taking them. Also, be sure you don't drink alcohol.

Third, perhaps your school district offers "homebound" instruction. Most districts do. I think the goal would be to get your anxiety level down to where you can handle going to school. But, if you can't handle it right now, you can't handle it right now. Get your folks to talk to the Special Education department about having a teacher come to your house.

Hang in there, sweetie. We are all routing for you!