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Old 03-16-2008, 01:35 PM   #1
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BP girl-dating, relationships, symptoms, and solutions

Let me start by saying that medication is a very necessary part of maintaining a life when a person has bipolar.
That said, I am fortunate enough that mine is a milder form. I was diagnosed and on meds for 6 years, and did very well through school. Took psychology courses and did research paper after research paper learning everything I could. My fight began by being very educated about symptoms, medications, and other ways of handling the ups and downs.
I came off of meds when my insurance was canceled and I could not afford them any longer. This was not a good way to go, but luckily I had a lot of ammunition, so to speak, and was (unknowingly) prepared to begin to handle things, rationalizing, looking for that one thought that went a little too fast or that one day that I just seemed too tired and immediately responding using compensation techniques even as simple as light therapy to ward off the beginnings of depression. As long as the roller coaster never made it up the hill, or began going down, I didn't have the severity that I had experienced before.

I accomplished some massive goals not on meds, but the whole time I was very focused on my disease and in control and NOT in a relationship. This is where I need help- this is now something I am ready for- I have a home, degree, job, child, and I want a relationship. So I began dating. I found someone I really liked and everything was great. Then it started happening, I became things I was not normally- insecure, jealous, scared he would leave, obsessive, my self esteem began to taper, I was losing myself in him. He didn't like it, but neither did I. I couldn't control my behaviors, it seemed. I was still able to manage "life", although not as well. As he pulled away, I sucked on him like a leech. I managed to get my mind back a little when I allowed him some much needed space, and we decided to break up- looking at it sanely, he was 3 months into the relationship with me and, as far as feelings for me, had none above friendship. Because I had begun to really love him and it was not reciprocated, I felt I deserved better along with the fact that he put me on a bit of a roller coaster too, saying how much he liked me one day and then how he didn't see a future together the next. It was a mutual thing, best for both worlds.

But this really got me thinking about BP and relationships and all the chaos in my head through all of it. We all know the signs and symptoms of mania and depression...are there signs that relate specifically to relationships- such as insecurities, leeching, jealousy...what are they and what are some ways to handle them?????

I know many of you will suggest medication. I have accomplished so many things without it, so I am primarily interested in ideas that don't include meds, but will accept all thoughts...

 
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Old 03-17-2008, 06:33 PM   #2
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Re: BP girl-dating, relationships, symptoms, and solutions

Thank you for sharing this. So, you are still of the meds? You sound like a very determined person--my hat is off to you for not letting BP destroy your life and staying aware of the up's and down's that you experience.

I am new here and I am thinking that I have some form of BP. (I am seeing my dr wed and plan on pursueing this with her.) I have been dealing with major depressive disorder for several years now, but again am thinking BP might play a role in some of my problems.

Anyway, I am no expert in relationships or BP, but I would thing the BP would affect relationships and it affects your emotional health, correct? I remember times that I thought that a certain man was "the one" but they weren't. I can only advice you, say like I would my 19 year old daughter. When you meet that special person to share your life with, it takes time to build this relationship. I think having comman interests and friendship as a base is a great start. Since you have not been in the dating game long (that is how I precieved your post)--have some fun. Don't try to commit to the first person you deal with. I truly believe that when you find that special someone, you WILL know, and a trust will be the core of the relationship. Any mate worth anything should do what they can to lessen jealousy and suspicion, especially if they know that you have BP or any other kind of mental disorder.

While reading your post, I was VERY impressed by your accomplishments while having BP. It must have been hard during those times when you were going to school, but you seemed to educate yourself about your disease while doing positive things with your life. This gives me hope and I am sure others who experience problems with their emotional health.

Again, thank you for your post. I wish you all the best.

 
Old 03-17-2008, 09:44 PM   #3
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genes HB User
Re: BP girl-dating, relationships, symptoms, and solutions

Suzanne72
I applaud your goals to find other ways than meds and I would hope with a milder form of bp it could be accomplished. That said, keep an eye on things and the relationship issues sound to me like excessive worry. You obviously know the signs of trouble brewing.

Sometimes therapy rather than meds can give us a wider view of our symptoms and one can continue to use all the mechanisims at our disposal
to keep on track. Also, a therapist can help to facilitate getting the meds if needed.

I know of a least one person who is handling their disease this way. The first clue they needed help was in a relationship. Therapy has helped her tremendously. Not to say, she would never need meds. She had to learn how to deal with the moods so as not to sabatoge' her marriage.

As for relationships: Learn, be patient and grow. Moving on is often required when the signs say go...and views from a distance are often all that is needed to open a new door to say hello!

take good care,
genes

 
Old 03-19-2008, 11:32 AM   #4
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bellablue2 HB User
Re: BP girl-dating, relationships, symptoms, and solutions

I agree with getting help with a therapist. You statrt to see a mania or depressive episode coming on and you use the tools to realize and try to slow it or change direction. Hope you understand what I just said, it's hard sometimes to get my point across. Jeane

 
Old 03-25-2008, 10:11 AM   #5
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Re: BP girl-dating, relationships, symptoms, and solutions

I am still off meds. I finished my degree in Elementary Education last August; the last 3 years of college was drug free and the last semesters including student teaching were intense...lol. But since then I've also noticed that since I don't have a major focus area (school) that my mind has wanted to take over a bit more and that could also be a factor in the relationship problems I have. I need focus- something specific to keep things on track, but I have nothing at the moment. So I have entered a new area in my life and am going to have to find good direction so that I can maintain w/out meds.

A friend of mine told me that the real thing in finding anyone to be in my life, male or female, friend or more, was that the person had to really accept me, have patience, and be aware of what my disorder entails and that if I get freaky- to be able to say to me- hey, you're kind of freaky right now- what's up. I think it was pretty good advice from someone who does exactly that with me..lol But thanks so much for your support!!!!!

 
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