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Old 03-22-2008, 08:57 AM   #1
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Unhappy lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

i get soo lonely sometimes and yet i don't want to be bothered with company. does that make any sence to anyone else? is it just me? why do i feel this way? i hate it when i get into one of these moods because i don't know where to turn. does anyone else ever feel like this?

all i have to do is pick up the phone and call someone, but i don't want to let them know how i feel and i don't want to pretend that everything is ok either. i also don't want to be bothered by listening to their problems. wow, that doesn't say too much for me does it?

sorry, i'm just venting.

take care

harmony

 
Old 03-22-2008, 08:50 PM   #2
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Llama HB User
Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

ah harmony I know how you feel! I felt like that tonight. I feel kinda lonely yet I don't want to go out with anyone (even though I got offers).

It's such a weird thing, isn't it?

 
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Old 03-23-2008, 12:48 PM   #3
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Harmony

I get where your coming from...I yearn to call my sister cuz i'm so lonely...but i don't becasue I can't stand the thought of having to listen to her gripe about all the stuff thats wrong in her life. It makes me feel like I'm the worst person in the world, but I don't know how to get past it. So I just stay holed up in my room by myself alone.

Kat

 
Old 03-23-2008, 01:47 PM   #4
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Hi,

I get that way a lot. I want contact with someone, yet it seems like so much effort to try and be in the space they're in, be cheerful, interesting, whatever, when I don't feel even like talking to anyone.

I find that this happens a lot when I am just tired and have had too much stimulation and don't know it. Sometimes, I think, we need a rest just from the world. But sometimes, I feel as though I am locked inside myself and don't have the energy to get out.

But it can get lonely, too.

Take care, give yourself what you need,

Seaturtle

 
Old 03-23-2008, 02:24 PM   #5
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martavee HB User
Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Just wanted to say I currently feel the same. I get like this every now and then. It's what I call my "I don't know" mood.... It's like I don't know what I want. Do I want the company (in this case a totally understanding - hell, over understanding boyfriend) or do I want to be alone? It's just weird. I want to be alone, yet at the same time I regret choosing to be alone. So just to let you know, you aren't the only one!

 
Old 03-24-2008, 10:52 AM   #6
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Yes, There are different times that I just want to be alone away from every body. Sometimes my husband and sons go somewhere and I stay home. I don't bother answering the phone. I just want to read a book or watch a good movie. Eat something extra fatting and no one has to know about it. Except my cat and she could care less. It does feel a little lonely though. I just get tired of the extra noises. Sassy

 
Old 03-25-2008, 06:50 AM   #7
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

thanks all of you for responding. i guess it isn't just me after all. i'm sorry that you all go through the same thing because it can be hell sometimes.

harmony

 
Old 03-27-2008, 09:13 AM   #8
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

I feel like that a LOT. I'm extroverted by nature but I usually don't have the mental energy to deal with anyone else's life problems, and everyone has them, so I usually end up being what I call a "horrible friend." Logically, I know that if you want to have friends you need to keep in contact with them, but somehow picking up the phone just sounds so tiring, because I'll either have to be fun and conversational when I'm really not feeling it or I feel like I'll be persuaded to agree to things I don't want to do (or maybe do want to do but feel too depressed to) like go out for lunch or go shopping when I really don't feel like even getting dressed.

So yeah, I'm lonely and know I need lots more human interaction than I'm getting, but yet it seems so time and energy consuming that I end up avoiding it.

 
Old 03-27-2008, 10:21 PM   #9
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

I think this is the most supporting thread I have ever read - I can relate totally to it and reading all the replies makes me feel validated (excuse the therapy-term, ha ha). Especially the reply about not feeling like being conversational or not wanting to be asked to do something. I'm lucky in that I have a great boyfriend, he's with me 24/7 and I don't always have to be bright & sparkling...but the downside is, as the result, I also feel like I'm isolating him from his family because I just plain don't like them - they're a real dysfunctional bunch & they set off my triggers a lot and so I avoid their contact whenever possible.

Sometimes one of them or a couple of them will come over to visit and it's hard to interact & be social...I'm always on edge about how I might be asked to supply food, or cigarettes, or a ride somewhere. Now doesn't that sounds nice! (sorry) I try my best to at least be polite, for my BF's sake; after all it IS his family & if we don't go see them, it should be OK for them to come see him....once in a while. I would go for a walk or something, but I have control issues (?) or paranoia issues (?) about them being in my home while I'm not there. Oh well. I meant to just drop a note and look how I've gone on & on!!! Thanks for listening!!

 
Old 03-28-2008, 11:46 AM   #10
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Call me crazy but I love being alone. I like just watching tv. going on the internet, reading and of course eating.
Don't get me wrong it's nice to get out with friends ect. But heck I love my room.

 
Old 03-28-2008, 05:36 PM   #11
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Bella,

I know what you mean...but for me it's a major "trap"....it becomes a circle I can't get out of. I like being by myself, so I hang out in my room, but then I start to get depressed and hang out in my room because I'm depressed and so goes the circle....and since I'm married and have 2 kids....well you can imagine, hanging out in my room by myself isn't an ideal solution. But for me dealing with people is just so hard most of the time.

 
Old 03-29-2008, 10:44 PM   #12
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

I know exactly what you mean, it's like you just don't have the energy to give back what you need from being with others, I've started to realize more and more that it depends on the people you're with. It seems like some people are just 'energy sucks'. I don't know how else to explain it, you just feel exhausted when you finish talkng to them, like they just used you to fill themselves up with whatever they need, and tricked you into not realizing that you were doing it. Does that sound crazy? Have you ever noticed how some people leave you feeling happy and fulfilled and loved, and others are just the opposite?

Also, I think alot of it is just us, and our 'state of mind'. Sometimes, I just can't be around people, I saw some neighbors coming up my drive the other day, and completely panicked at the idea of having to make small talk with these perfectly nice people, I just couldn't. I'm so glad you started this thread, it makes me feel much better about my antisocial behavior.

What's funny is that other times, I'm completely outgoing and friendly to everyone. What goofballs we all are...

~~lily

 
Old 03-30-2008, 10:06 PM   #13
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Bru023 HB User
Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Harmony trust me your not the only one. Now that i went through my manic episodes im so emmbaresed at How i was acting i dont want to go out with all my old friends even though im lonley as heck. I feel guilty because for a year or so they would invite me out and i would hardly go out, but when i did it just didnt feel the same like my old normal self.

I feel like they are thinking of me as the "Crazy" guy,witch i hate that word now it erks me. It just seems like sometimes like they are just trying to be sympathetic . The old me was a blast , funny excentric , outgoing but now excentric behavior can be looked at as manic so i tone down or shy away. Plus it dont help with the social anxiety going out places like clubs, i even turned down a very sexy girl that i was hooking up with , just because how would i explain my mood swings and locking my-self up in my room for months .i felt bad for me and her because she really liked me but i knew i wouldnt be able to offer her a "normal" relationship even though i really wanted somebody .

I could only hide it for soo long - or until word of mouth gets around ...........I think the best thing would be bipolar stable couples who could understand each other anyway thats enough venting for me .. i just hope they find a cure while im still young so i can salvage some of my life pls

 
Old 03-31-2008, 06:27 AM   #14
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

it's amazing that so many of us understand what the other is going through. when i began this thread i didn't realize there were so many that would respond and understand what i was going through. the unbearable loneliness, that i put onto myself.

there's another reason that i don't like visiting anyone and that is because i get really antsy ( i don't think i spelled that right ) and don't like to stay long. i sometimes insult people by leaving so quickly. it takes me half an hour to get to my sisters house and i'm ready to leave a half hour after getting there. its like i want company yet can't sit still long enough to visit. does this happen to anyoone else also?

well, i want to thank you all for posting, it has really meant alot to me to have been heard and understood.

thanks again

harmony

 
Old 03-31-2008, 08:20 PM   #15
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Re: lonely yet don't want to be bothered?

Hello, harmony,

Yes, your have good company here, I think. I can't stand even 15 minutes sometimes, I get so agitated and just want to leave. I feel trapped by "visiting", and frankly, often bored. I find it much easier to meet people in coffee houses just for tea or coffee, since that leaves me free to leave when I want to instead of feeling obligated to stay out of politesse.

I live alone since a divorce years ago, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I really enjoy myself with projects and writing, artwork, gardening, walking. The only place I guess I really feel comfortable staying is in a couple of groups I'm in, and they last an hour to two, so I always know there's a limit to the time there.

I don't think we're antisocial, just have different needs than some others for our tolerance for being around other people. I just can't stay in one place very long.

Seaturtle

 
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