bipolar and children - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

cyclomaniac · 04-23-2008, 12:25 AM

just wondering if anyone else, after learning about their bp, has decided not to have children. my husband and i are afraid of having a child with bp worse than mine (mine is mild, but it runs in the family).

we're pretty set on not having them, but i want to know what experiences and decisions other people have made.

genes · 04-23-2008, 01:42 PM

I had my third child, who is now 18 and he was diagnosed as bi-polar at the age of 16, when he decided it might be time to leave home and preach to the world. He left school on Friday ready to go to the end of the drive and let god take him where he may. It was the scariest thing that ever happened to all of us.

I have bi-polar and never knew until recently that it was passed on. I, as I said have 3 children and so far our son is the only one with it besides me. I cannot imagine my life without this young caring individual. He has always been one with patience for those less fortunate and I have no doubt he will touch the world with his own talents.

He is an artist and pursuing higher education and is stable on meds. It was a long road with 2 years of discerning the right medications, but well worth the ride. He was a joy as a child and often required added attention to bring out and let his creativity thrive.

He hugs me everyday and we learn more about this disorder than I ever imagined I could do alone. He will be home perhaps longer than I was, but I have no doubt when ready he will fly. My own education has taught me the gifts we receive from our children no matter what trials they experience and overcome are blessings beyond words.

Well, I guess other than that, I can only say keep an open mind. The outcome could be beyond your wildest dreams!

Take good care,
genes

always smiling · 04-23-2008, 04:38 PM

I grew up never really wanting to have children, however, when I met my husband he had a little girl, so I now have a beautiful stepdaughter who I love more than anything.
There was one point and time when I think I was feeling depressed and was wanting a child of my own. My husband and I discussed it and decided against it. The main concern was how I would react without medication while I was pregnant. Also we worried if I would have bad post partum depression. I don't think we placed much focus on how the child would turn out. It was more of a concern for me, given my past experiences with a hospitalization and suicide ideations as well as thoughts of hurting others.
My husband has since had a vasectomy.

Omi2008 · 04-23-2008, 05:00 PM

I'm a lot older than you but I suspect that you guys have decided to not have children because of a myriad of reasons other than your bipolar. Having bipolar is only one issue to think about when considering children. There are so many others that are both positive and unfortunately, negative, in parenthood. Time and nature might change your minds. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. Let it play out for awhile. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Schatje · 05-07-2008, 01:52 AM

I'm bipolar 2 and have 2 kids. I had one before I knew I was bipolar and one after. I never once considered the fact that I have bipolar a reason not to have kids. This is just me and it may sound selfish to you, but I refuse to allow this disease to control my life and decisions anymore than it already does. It is enough that I have spent at least 95% of the last 16 years in a mild to severe depression (the hypomanic episodes are very very mild and of very little concern to me or my doctor).

I think of bipolar as just another incurable yet controllable disease and is not a death sentence. Not that many people sit down and think - I have a history of diabetes or heart problems or Alzheimer’s disease in my family so I shouldn't have children. Just because you have the disease doesn’t mean that your kids will, remember they have a lot of their dad in them too. If they do end up with the disease there is no better person to know the signs to look for and to get them help to control their disease a lot sooner than most people.

I'm not trying to tell you that you are wrong to decide not to have kids. To tell you the truth I didn’t want kids before I had them (oopsies happen). I just want to give you a different perspective. Bipolar isn't the only thing that can be passed on. If we all worried that we could pass something unpleasant onto our kids then there would be a lot fewer children in the world. When making your decision remember that having kids is a crapshoot no matter how you decide to play it, but the prizes can be amazing.