sikdog

I was diagnosed BP about 10 years ago but I figure its been with me all of my adult life. If you know The Eagles "Desperado" then you know the overview of my life. For the most part I am just depressed all of the time. Sometimes I get "REALLY DOWN"! I'm sure y'all know what I mean.

I was at my primary doc's a couple of weeks ago and just broke down and started crying. It had been building for about a month. I usually don't have much in the way of manic episodes though I do sometimes find that I really need to produce...to create...I wish I was as good an artist as I'd like to be but I'm not. For the last year or so I've been exploring wood carving. Mostly I do wood spirits. I also like to carve small abstracts. Just find a small piece of wood and start carving and follow what is in the wood.

Thinking about this freak (BP) on the back of my neck makes me feel worse so I don't usually think about it. Maybe If I ignore it it will go away kind of thinking. I know it won't but it is how I deal. I'm a vet so I go to the VA hospital for my medical problems but I really don't like the pDocs in what they call Mental Health. Over the last 10 years I've had 3 different ones and I get the feeling of just plain self righteousness from them. They treat allot of PTSD vets and I feel like they think of me as an unimportant case because my PTSD isn't from being in a military type of war. My war took place over a seventeen year period called childhood............................... .......................

If I go on I will end up writing a book so I'll sign off for now. I feel for us all but the fact that so many people have the same problem that I do does not make me feel better like the shrinks say (You're Not Alone) It makes me sad.

Just wanted to say hi...

In The Name Of The Great Spirit I Wish Us All A Better Day