laminarflow

klyn07, I can't imagine what it's like having voices that taunt you, for that sounds like a distressing state to be in, but economist, I have had the delusions in the way that savvy traveller describes. Fortunately I find my medication (Depakote) keeps me on the ground and if I ever go up too far I can take Olanzapine for a few days to come down again. The latter is like an emergency brake that stops everything.
Earlier this year I did something a bit foolish and stopped my medication for a month to see what would happen. Since I had my first manic episode in 2005, I have had a few mild episodes and I wanted to know if I could deal with the delusions on my own.
I have always believed that a manic episode is like a small hurricane of feelings and ideas that gathers energy in your mind, but if you head towards the centre and ignore the side winds, you can reach a calm eye free of chaos and confusion.

In your manic states did you feel hypersensitive to other people's feelings? Did this make you want to put your shields up? For me I found that lowering my shields to zero, even in situations which could be seen as a little hostile (eg two teenagers starting to fight on the street) made it easy to stay calm and in control. Afteral, so much of your effort is spent calming your own inner feelings, that someone else's agitation has little affect.

As for the delusions, I found it depended on who I was around, male or female.
The "male" delusions were hard work. I experienced heightened sensitivity and self-confidence, and this made me really believe in the rougher parts of London, that people thought I might be an undercover cop; whereas in the office where I worked I was increasing believing it was the new site of the UK secret service and everyone I worked with had some "secret" role as well as their real one. The police didn't know for sure who I was, and the many secret services around the world didn't either, and in some way I felt that by giving nothing away and "acting normal" (bar being totally confident) I was actually causing these agencies to work together.
How did I cope? Really by seeing this as an alternative universe, where for an alternative me this was true, but down in the original world everything was the same as normal.
The "female" delusions were much less tiring on the mind, but much more tempting to believe in. Quite simply I couldn't help believing that I both understood and I became each woman's idea of a perfect man. It was interesting how this feeling changed with each encounter.
I found such pleasure in momentarily sharing the same emotional space with a woman even when doing something as innocent as just paying for something in a shop. I'm single and the temptation to seek something further with each woman was great so I had to force myself to walk away each time and just see life as a string of pleasurable moments.

Woops, been talking about myself too much. First chance I've had really. Main thing is I'm back on the medication and I'm just a normal person, well in some ways less because i lack the confidence to do things that others do so easily.

I guess I really wanted to say to others that experience psychosis that if you allow in, passively observe, and then let go of every delusion that comes your way - without buying into them - then you will never have any need to fear anything in the future, and you have a good chance of holding self-control.