You are not alone. That is a fact!
I was on trazodone as a first med (a long time ago) for sleep problems, along with zoloft, and it helped. No anxiety, but I was probably dampened from the zoloft LOL... I know how you feel worrying about having to take meds forever and ever after, but I view it now as a medical problem, much like someone with diabetes who has to take insulin every day. It's just part of who I am and I have to manage it. I totally get the drug dealer doc bit, though. LOL!
Once you have the correct combination of meds, you might find more stability, although I do get the wish to feel a mania, esp coming off of a depressive episode (mine take no prisoners either--they are fierce
). The idea of stability is sometimes horrible, but it is helpful. But zombie-like is something I always tell my pdoc about because I refuse to feel like that!
As far as dry mouth, not sure what to tell you except drink more water
. I do not take Lithium, but I'm sure someone else can chime in here. Side effects become a way of life once you're medicated. I get migraines now. Yay!
I hope you'll find reassurance here because you are NOT alone in any of your worries. You're not losing it. Don't worry.