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Old 07-04-2008, 07:24 PM   #1
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OuchMyThroat HB User
causing my family pain

My mom puts so much energy into trying to make me happy. It breaks my heart. I. Can't. Help. It. You can't change it, Mom.

She's so beautiful and sweet, and sacrifices so much so that maybe I could be happy. She doesn't fully understand that I have a disease. I can't STAND this. I'm pretending to be happy now. I feel like pretending to be happy is extremely life threatening because my emotions aren't coming out. She feels helpless and her heart breaks. I can't stand myself.

 
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Old 07-04-2008, 08:42 PM   #2
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seaturtle HB User
Re: causing my family pain

Hello,

I know how it is to realize that we can't be all that we want to be for family members we love and who try hard to see us happy.

Can you give your mom some information on Bipolar and see if that helps her understand your very real illness? Have you sat down and talked to her about it?

There are some good books out there.

If you see a therapist, then could she go with you one time so the therapist could help her understand?

I'm sure she really wants to understand so she can help you more. And you do need to be able to be yourself.

Sometimes, our families can't take the fact that we're really ill and prefer to try hard to make everything okay. Do you have other supports - a group, maybe, where you can go to talk about this?

You're not alone in this.

I hope you find a solution soon, keep posting, others will help you here.

Seaturtle

 
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Old 07-07-2008, 11:28 AM   #3
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lavenderlily13 HB User
Re: causing my family pain

Hey there,

I know how you feel. I haven't been here lately because I thought I was doing ok, and I was busy and didn't need the support anymore. We will always need to support each other, and lift each other up when we're feeling beat by this disease. For me, it's very much cyclical. I go through periods where I think everything is ok, and being bipolar isn't going to control my life anymore....but it can't last.

Just like you said, it seems like the harder you try to be 'normal' and act happy and in control when we're really not, the effort of acting becomes too much, and then inevitably we break-down. I completely understand the feelings of guilt too, you know that you're affecting your family, and hurting them when you're sick, but there it is, it's the hand you were dealt, and you have to make the best of it.

My situation is somewhat different from yours, but I can still relate...in my case I AM the Mom. My kids are 15 and 9, and my husband is a really great guy, but I know it hurts him and my kids when I 'lose it'. I'm a hundred times better than I used to be, but I'm still far from perfect, and I wish I could be composed at all times, and never anxious, or depressed, or irritable, but that's not realistic. Acceptance is such a hard thing also, partly because of the stigma associated with this disease.

Just try to remember that it's not your fault, and you're not alone. And do your best to be healthy and stable, and know that you will make mistakes, your family will still love you, and guilt is a wasted emotion, so try not to feed it. Tell yourself it's ok, and you are a good person, things will get better, they always do!

take care,

~~ lily ~~

 
Old 07-07-2008, 12:03 PM   #4
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Llama HB User
Re: causing my family pain

Hi, I agree with seaturtle. A therapist is a great idea (if you don't have one already that is). Then invite your mom to come with you to a session or several and talk this out. That will make both of you feel better. Also, it sounds like you are quite down. Maybe it's time to put a phone call into the pdoc's office as well. Take care.

 
Old 07-09-2008, 11:44 AM   #5
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marshmallow HB User
Re: causing my family pain

Ouch, don't hate yourself the fact that you care about your Mom the way you do shows a good heart! Hopefully she can come to understand what bp is and what it does to you. My best to you.

 
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