after 4 years of being diagnosed at major depressive and anxiety and ADD, my diagnosis changed to bi-polar, anxiety and ADD. so my real question is ive been dating this guy since november (he lives in another state), but if and when do i tell him im bi-polar.
any thoughts would be appriciated
Does he know about your other conditions? If so, I'd think he'e be okay with the bp, too. You could just say that your diagnosis has been changed, and you'd like him to know about it. The less important you make it seem, the more he'll be put at ease, I'd think.
I'd choose a time when you were together and things were kinda calm. You could ask him how he feels about your bp diagnosis, and perhaps explain that the disorder is one that can be treated well with medication and some therapy and that you are committed to managing it.
Unless you have been having showing noticeable changes in your mood or behavior is it even necessary to tell him? You didn't even know you were bipolar until what a couple weeks ago? So for you right now, it's just a label. Unless you really want to share with him your brand new diagnosis, I'd wait until there is an actual reason to tell him.
I can relate to this a lot! I was misdiagnosed for 8 years as major depressive. Last year around this time I was diagnosed BP 2 with panic disorder. I started dating someone earlier this year and told him on our second date, just because I wanted to get it out of the way. He was fine with it and glad I told him and knew I was dealing with it, and he did his best to understand it. We have since broken up, NOT b/c of me and my BP.
If he knows about your other diagnoses, I can't imagine he would feel any differently about you b/c of this one. The stigma is there, so I totally get your anxiety about telling him, so if you do tell him, do it when you feel comfortable with it. It took me awhile to accept my diagnosis and I didn't start dating the b/f until 6 months later, so I had awhile. Do it when you want to and/if when you feel like you should.
I just discussed this with my pdoc today actually. I am single but wanted to know what he thought I should do if I got in a committed relationship. His reply surprised me, he said,"no one needs to know your health history and its your choice". he also added that bp is very common place these days. I feel like I would wait until I was very serious with someone. In addition I wouldnt be with someone until I was stable for a long time (which I am now-stable , but single). btw that is just my personal choice. To me I feel like if someone couldnt notice it and then you tell them eventually the stigma wouldnt be as harsh. Also, if someone can't accept you for who you are they arent for you. I think once solid trust has been established then would be the right time.
I do think it is an important thing to discuss with someone within say the first five dates or so. I say this only if you think or have a sense early on that this person you are dating has potential for an exclusive or long-term relationship (I realize you don't always know early on but as soon as you have the sense that it could be a viable relationship, I think it is necessary to tell them). Persumably, they like you for who you are and should be understanding. If they are not understanding (say, one of those rare types who have never experienced depression or have had any exposure to mental illness, mild or extreme, who think you can just "snap out of it") they either need to make a commitment to being educated or make a break because they will not come to terms with BP behavior or side effects from perscriptions, etc. which may cause problems in the long run.
I actually did not divulge my BPII diagnosis with my current boyfriend but was working up to letting him know when one day he admits to me as being BPI and medicated for it. It was a bit suprising to each other because we are very high-functioning individuals and didn't suspect it of each other. Now, we are finding out that two BPs can make for a difficult relationship but we are working on it every day. We are about a month and a half into this and I can't imagine it would have worked out if we had not have shared this information with each other.