I am new here and I am glad to have found a place where I can talk about this disease. I was recently diagnosed with rapid cycling bi-polar and I am a combination of relieved and scared. I have had symptoms since I was a teen but my parents first believed that my angry outbursts were rebellion. I went on Lexapro in college and it seemed to help with the depression I was having but not with my angry episodes.
Fast forward three years...I am happily married and living in a new city...everything seems to be going well and started an internship with a major company. Then about 4 months ago I came back from a day at work and I start having crying jags and panic attacks. This continued for 7 days straight. My husband had to call my boss and tell him that I was very sick and would not be returning to the job. I found a psydoc and he took me off the Lexapro and put me on Lamictal. Things have really been up and down since then. I was very disappointed that I had to quit my job and all my classes and now I am having to start over. I just feel so fragile and I am nervous about making any kind of commitments for fear that I will have another episode and ruin it. I am also nervous about the Lamictal...about a month ago I went into a major depression and my doc just said it was me reacting to the upping of the meds. I thought the meds were supposed to help depression instead of cause it.
Anyways, this post is getting long so I'll try to wrap it up. Mostly I am just bummed out and scared about this diagnosis and I am just feeling a bit lost. Thanks for listening. Kitty
Welcome KittyNY, Yeah bipolar sucks. I am on Cymbalta now I have found a lower dose of this works I can handle being a bit depressed as long as I don't get too out of depression I can usualy control the manic parts pretty well. It is such a delicate balance. I realy realy like the Nurse I work with he is great at discussing and working with me on the meds. In the past I have been on up to 4 meds at a time. Man you don't know if your coming or going then. But it helped keep me out of the hospital and all that. I am on disability because of the bipolar. Even after all these years I can't imagine going back to work. Stress at home gets me in a bad place I don't think I could deal with the stress from a job also.
I hope you do well and get back to your studies and work.
Thanks for the support guys...it has been about a month since I have had an episode so I feel like the meds are starting to work. I am still a bit worried about the possible side effects but my doc says that I should not worry unless I get the Lamictal rash. I have gained some weight (which is unusual for me) and my hair has started to thin out pretty bad. Has anyone else experienced these side effects on Lamictal and if so is there any possibility that they will subside with time?
Have the doc check your thyroid levels. I found out mine was low and that was greatly contribuiting to hair loss. Also low thyroid can cause weight gain. So get it checked.
Glad your doing well after a month.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, but it's all too familiar. I've had to leave so many things I wanted to do - jobs, school, activities of all sorts - because I'd commit and then find myself unable to follow through.
Take some time to get on the right meds. I didn't have the good fortune to be on meds for a very long time, and just recently found something (Lamictal) that's helped incredibly. So hang in there. Once you're stabilized on the meds and have perhaps gotten help from a counselor, your self-confidence will build up again. Perhaps part-time at first?
But for now, take care of yourself in every way, and know you're not alone. And something positive, this is also a chance to find ways to develop your talents and abilities in new ways, ways that accomodate the illness.
Don't get discouraged.You're doing just the right thing for yourself.
Man you don't know if your coming or going then. But it helped keep me out of the hospital and all that. I am on disability because of the bipolar. Even after all these years I can't imagine going back to work. Stress at home gets me in a bad place I don't think I could deal with the stress from a job also. 
