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How does your family deal with your BP?

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Old 07-20-2008, 04:54 PM   #1
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How does your family deal with your BP?

I am 47 years old. I have been BP much longer than I have been diagnosed. But have been diagnosed about 8 years with it. I have had quite a few hospitilazations. My kids are now 23, 20 & 18 (I am divorced). They have delt with it in different ways. My 20 yr old is supportive and realy good when I have had problems in the past. My 18yr old is of the mind I need to stop taking all meds free my body of all this crap and I will be ok. (So unrealistic). My 23yr old kind of understands but wants nothing to do with it.
The main thing is the rest of my family that I live near my sister (older) and my niece 36. (Niece and Sister are Mom and daughter) They have no clue what I am going through and in the past when I have had to be hospitalized have just been ****** off that they had to help watch the kids. They don't understand why I act the way I do and it is like they think it is on purpose. My niece is kind of starting to come around a tiny bit. I think she is seeing some of these behaviors in her own life and is getting kinda scared and wanting info.

Each year when I redo the basic paperwork at the PDoc's they want a name of a family member as a contact about my pshyc stuff. I tell them I want NO ONE on that list. Because the family does not understand and if I have a issue or something they would just flip their lids. I have tried giving them information about it they just hand it back to me. Have tried getting them to come to a BP support group I went to and they declined.

So I basicly deal with this illness on my own with the only support being my PDoc (who is a pshyc RN or something like that). He is fantastic about talking to me about the BP and other pshyc stuff. I don't know I just feel I am all alone with this and as healthy as I have been the past couple of years I worry about what happens when I have another episode bad enough to have to be hospitilized again.

Sorry this is so long I just feel like I am the only one that has no one around that understands.

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Old 07-23-2008, 01:49 PM   #2
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

HI welcome to the board. I am in your shoes, I struggle all alone... with bipolar 1.............................

hugs, Caren..

Old 07-23-2008, 04:15 PM   #3
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

It's really hard to admit to other people that there is something wrong with you. I hid it from my family for years. They only became aware this year when hubby was panicked when I was manic. Since then they've kind of ignored it. I guess the figure if they don't talk about it then I don't have it. Kinda sad since it seems to run in the family. All I can offer is hugs.

Old 07-23-2008, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?


I think I know a little of what you're talking about. I have no family, but when they wee alive (and in touch), no one gave me any support. INstead, they blamed me for bp, anorexia and agoraphobia. They just got angry at me and ignored it all.

I do have some support, like you, in a good therapist. I try to bring my issues into some groups, but it tends to get lost because most of them are really into DID and their own stuff. I'm feeling most alone, dealing with some tough stuff in therapy and with the ED, phobias and bp. I am also so sick of being able to relate to others on their grounds and their problems, while everyone dismisses mine.

Whoops, I got into a vent there, sorry. I guess I mainly wanted to say you're not alone, and it's a very difficult place.

Best to you, don't know what else to say,


Old 07-24-2008, 07:17 AM   #5
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

I have a great Pdoc/Tdoc team that supports me, but not much family support. My hubby of 20 years seems to think that I can just wake up fine one day if I try hard enough, As If! My therapists alwasy talk about getting a bigger support group, right now I have 2 friends who help me and thats do you get a bigger support group when people don't want to deal with your issues and diseases, I also have PTSD, and SI.

Old 07-25-2008, 08:58 AM   #6
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

I am so sorry for all of you that we cannot get the support we need... If we had diabetes or cancer then it would be a different story... My SIL was working at one of the mental hospital's as the finance director and everytime she would start talking about anyone, friend, family member... she would say, I know they have to have BP I finally told her, that was very disrespectful...

BP is not the only thing I have either so I take a total of 31 pills a day, not that I want to and can no longer work and am only 45... I am scared to go out anywhere because I have gotten into 3 heated arguments where I could have gotten hurt if the other person had a weapon or just wanted to hurt me all because I don't think my meds work and my doc thinks it is because I am not in a good relationship with my husband...

Sorry, I got off track there....

Keep coming back my new friends, we all can support each other and we do understand each other... Jenn

Old 07-25-2008, 09:12 AM   #7
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

Sorry to hear about your situation. I am 24 and none of my friends know. My parents and sister know but ignore it. We talk about it for like 5 mins after I have a pdoc appointment. Just today it was basically decided by my pdoc that bp is a definite diagnosis and that I'll need a pill for the rest of my life. Sorry to digress but anyway I told my dad and he said I need a new doctor. My mother seems to finally accept it but just thinks the pill is magic. The definitely do not understand at all. My mother also proclaimed even though this can be heriditary, "no one EVER had it". It's good that you have a good pdoc, maybe he can suggest a support group? Good luck. Also this board has some great info.

Old 07-25-2008, 08:20 PM   #8
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?


I know how you feel, with all my stuff, medical and mental, I take a total of 22 pills a day and wear one patch and I'm only 39...but luckily I can still work, so I guess that's a plus. But when I think of how long I have to go and how quick my body is detoriating and the BP is does seem a bit daunting.

Old 07-26-2008, 07:14 AM   #9
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

My whole thing with the family is I am not close to anyone except my Mom and my Dad but mostly Mom... I have an older sister (47) and a younger brother (43).. I have never been close to either of them as they were/always have been close... Never bothered me as my Mom and I have always been close except for about a two year period which was caused by my brothers lying wife... The bad thing about that is my SIL and I use to be very close before she did all this... My SIL and I have talked some of the issues out but she has been caught in more lies and I take whatever she says with a grain of salt...

I gave a little background because I want/need to ask a couple of questions... My sisters oldest son was diagnosed with schizophrenia and she refuses to believe it... I was going to go to a workshop with him and was talking privately to him at my parents house and she barged in and said we needed to get out in the family room so my brother could take some pictures (he had already taken them)... My son came to me the next day and said mom, she told her friend before she came back there to get you two that you did not need to be talking to him, nor did he need to listen to you... I told him not to worry about it because it was no big deal... I didn't end up taking my nephew (he's 25) because I knew my sister would tell him not to go... It would have been a place where he could have met people his own age with same interest... It probably would have been good for me also

But here is my question/comment... I really don't talk much about it to anyone... When I had my last breakdown and went to the hospital once out, I then had to go to intensive partial inpatient 6 hours a day for about 8 weeks and had to have an appointment with my psychiatrist and with a therapist before I was discharged... During those 6 hours we had education for 2 hours and group for 3 hours with a one hour lunch break... I am great at helping others with their issues however, I never dealt with my issues during group because I always felt like it would come back to bite me in the butt... I had/still have major trust issues and am not comfortable discussing issues in a group setting... So going to a support group is not an option for me... I do see a therapist every month...

So if I don't talk to my family or attend support groups and only see my therapist once a month the only place I feel like I have is this place and even here I really don't talk about my issues, never have....

So I guess my question is, is do any of you have this problem and if so, what do you do about it?

Any help, comments, suggestions would be greatly appreciated... And I really don't leave my house except to go to my doctor's appts... I only have one friend but she is really busy and I haven't seen her in almost a year...

Thanks for listening... Jenn

Old 07-27-2008, 08:48 PM   #10
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?


Hey, geez some of that's sounds like you're reading a transcript from my own screwed up family life. I have 5 siblings, 4 living and I am the youngest. The only one that I can talk to about my BiPolar and PTSD is my oldest sister, I still can't talk to her aobut the SI. My mom is not a choice as she is freaking nuts and loves to cause problems amongst her children. My dad is the cause of the PTSD so he's out of the equation. I have 2 close friends but feel like I'm encroaching on their lives if I "dump" on them too much although they tell me I'm not...I guess that's one of my own personal screw ups. I was very close to my sister who passed away, she was only 22 and I was 13, she also had BP and lived out her manic stages to the the time I did not know she had BP I just knew she was a helluva lot of fun and loved to take me to amusement parks and movies and out all the time at the drop of a hat.

My last stint in the hospital was just 2 weeks ago, and I refused to go to groups, I basically just sat on my bed in my room. I have major trust issues with stangers, once again that lovely PTSD popping up, so the pdoc at the hospital called my Pdoc and he basically said he'd make sure I saw him everyday, so they let me go after 4 days. I've never done groups and never will, I have a tdoc and a pdoc, I see my tdoc twice a week for counseling, and my pdoc once every 3 weeks for med management, other than that I have a very limited support group.

Sorry if I didn't answer your questions, but I wanted to let you know that you're not all alone...

Old 08-05-2008, 08:16 PM   #11
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

With my family we just dont discuss my BP. If I have problems the people I turn to is my husband and my therapist. My dad will tell me to look at the happy people and things around and I will feel better. It doesn't help me when I hit rock bottom and don't know what to do.

Old 08-11-2008, 09:05 PM   #12
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Thumbs up Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

I've been having problems since I was a very little girl. My mother was never accepting of it. If I was "in a mood" (to put it nicely) she would tell me I was a lier and I just wanted to make her do everything for me. The sad thing is she knew I had a problem before I did. She told me that when I was very very little (I don't even remember this) I would walk up to her for no reason and say "I wish I would just die!" How is that for a red flag?!!!
All through school I would beg her to help me go see a Doctor. I thought I was depressed. But she was adamantly opposed. I know now we probably couldn't afford it. But she could have been more supportive. There were many times I could have died. I seem to get strep throat when I get really sad and want to die because I stop eating I think. It almost killed me twice. I had to beg her to take me to the ER at least once.

Finally I freaked big and took a bunch of pills.Luckily not enough. I went to my parents to ask them to help me. I wanted to be committed. But I had started self medicating with street drugs (which is never a good thing) and they could not see passed that digression. She told me the only way she would get me help is if she called the cops to have me arrested. Needless to say I left and fell heavily into that dark life of addiction (I do not blame her). But I pulled myself out of it. With her help!!!! I never let her turn her back on me. I refused to let her see me that way. I explained explained explained to her what was going on. And eventually she broke through her own preconcieved notions of mental illness and addiction. We are all masters of our own fate. But sometimes there are things that we cannot do on our own. We need emotional support. Sometimes medical support and that may include prescribed support. She is weary of me taking meds, but now she is my strongest supporter. And when i tell her how I feel she takes me seriously. Because she's seen how serious it is. I don't know if everyone can break through like my mother. And I would never suggest anyone do things the way I have. But hold on... If there is noone in your family who can accept this side of you, you have support here. It's like annonymous group. I love it.. It's easy to open up and tell your story.... Keep coming back

Old 08-12-2008, 02:05 AM   #13
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Re: How does your family deal with your BP?

I also know how you feel. DH seems to think that I am okay most of the time even when I am not. He has a lot of problems of his own with work and with his own family. I haven't been getting enough support from him. Only three of my kids know and they are 19, 16 and 15. My 19 year old doesn't quite understand but she tries to help me out a lot around the house and with my 21 month old. my 16 year old seems to understand the most. My mom and the rest of my family are in the states and I am in Qatar so I don't get much help there. I do have good t/pdocs. but that still isn't always enough. That's why it's good to be able to come here and get the support we need.
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