Does this sound familiar?
Hi, i'm new here. I guess i'm looking for answers, but i'm not much of a person who would normally seek help. And talking to people on a health forum is only slightly less out of my personal bubble than talking to someone in person.
Not in a million years would I have thought I would have bipolar disorder. But i recently read a symptom someone else had that sounded extremely close to one of my symptoms I have (which i previously never knew there was a name for.)
Does any of this sound familiar, if so, is this the right forum?
+violent tempers since i can remember, as a kid it was rare for me to have one of my temper tantrums and not break something.
+suicidal thoughts as early as 7 (posting it as former symptom)
+racing thoughts occasionally
+weird emotions; one day I feel I could take on the world and i'd have tons of goals (I usually end up getting house clean.) Then a crash where i'd feel so tired i couldn't do anything.
+creep out customers when i burst into tears and couldn't stop for 15 minutes (i honestly wasn't overwhelmed, had a bad day or anything)
+People would think i'm a different person sometimes, I'd be a giggly happy person, bouncing off walls one day... and the next day, not.
+Random, inappropriate thoughts. (Imagine a 90 year old man with crooked yellow teeth and having the most violent urge to kiss him.)
+Perhaps my most disturbing symptom yet; my brain turns off.. or something. Apparently i say or do stuff i'm unaware of. People would confront me later and i wouldn't recall what happened. Sometimes I can't remember what happened (if someone broaches the subject with me, otherwise I wouldn't be surprised if i have been going on like nothing happened), where I am, or how long i've been "out." I've lost friends do to this because I can't remember what i've said. I've gotten lost (waking up after realizing i've been driving 30 minutes in the wrong direction is a creepy feeling.) To add a little more depth to my problem I've been filed for sexual harassment at work when i can't even remember what happened. (I asked the co-worker a few months later, apparently i said something slightly on the rude side, but we're friends now.)
I have a feeling even if i found out what I have, I won't do anything about it. Before I posted, i looked up some of the medications for bipolar and i wasn't enthusiastic about the side effects. But maybe i'll have some comfort in knowing there's a name for something I have.
Any input appreciated!