getting diagnosed? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

amm13 · 07-29-2008, 11:57 PM

I am not diagnosed with bipolar but I feel as though I might have it. My boyfriend thinks I suffer from an anxiety disorder. We talked the other day about it. I brought it up to him because I officially feel like I am a little out of control. I feel like I am sitting in this little sound proof booth and that nothing I say is registering. Some days I am happy. Some days I am sad. This can be a matter of days or week in a row. I can't tell if I have progressively gotten worse or better. My happy days I feel like I am not showing my age very well. I get happy and I do things like "oh hey so and so, you dropped your pocket" at work. I mean it is funny, and people think it is funny but I watch myself do it and a little bit of me dies inside at how dumb I am acting. On the opposite scale I went out for a shake with an old friend the other day and it was horrible. I just wanted the night to end. I would start a story and forget the end so I would just be like "so yeah...." and I was tired and totally unenthusiastic about anything. He was very outgoing and social so he held the conversation and I just kind of stomped on it. I knew inside how I normally am or that I had stuff to talk about or I knew the right way to act but it didn't matter.
I worry about everything. I don't sleep because of it. I am hurting my relationship because not only do I worry about everything and over think everything and analyze everything, I also doubt myself. Here I am with honestly the best boyfriend I have ever had, who is crazy for me, and I think about calling it off because of me. I know my logic is wrong but then like my body decides it is logical for me. I dunno.
He told me I have to go talk to someone because we both agree I am miserable. Going to someone creates its own problems locationally and monetarily. I also don't think I can handle doing it alone which presents another problem. My parents are not good candidates to be "in" on this at the start. Its hard to explain but it is kind of like, I am an adult so they respect that but they think it is dumb. My boyfriends mother has had anxiety issues and he told me I could talk to her if I wanted but she lives in another state so it would be over the phone or internet.
I can make up all the excuses in the world for not going but it boils down to I am too afraid to. I don't want to take medication and I also can't afford it. I am afraid if I go they will suggest it and if they don't I don't know how much help it will be, even though I know it could make a big difference.
Maybe I just have an anxiety problem. I don't know but I guess I was kind of hoping someone could offer some support of advice to me about why I should or shouldn't see someone. What the process was like for them.... Something in general to ease my mind about all of this. My boyfriend is mad that I would choose to be miserable over seeking help because after the talk I told him I didn't know what I wanted to do yet. When I started crying he told me he just wanted me to be happy but he was there to support me no matter what. I kind of wish there was something I could do or try to see if it helped before I put myself through it all. That sounds dumb but going through the process of getting help is going to take a lot out of me emotionally and I don't know if I want to do that right now.
Any advice or comments would be appreciated. I read the stickies but I dunno.. I hope this fits here.
Thankyou for listening.

christina_142 · 07-30-2008, 06:50 AM

hi,

i can't say if you are bipolar or not, only a pschiatrist, or even a family practitioner can tell you that but a psychiatrist is better for handling meds. from what you wrote i would definitely say that you need to see someone.

i was diagnosed by my family practioner, i finally sought help because i was in a deep dark hole. anyway she handed me this questionare thingy to fill out and then we talked while i was bawling my eyes and she asked me a bunch of questions and decided that i was bipolar. it was a very emotional day i can tell you that but i felt so much better knowing i had a diagnosis of what was wrong with me and it made perfect sense to me because of my behaviors in the past when i was manic only when i was manic i didn't recognize that i was. it took me getting in to see someone when i fell down that deep dark hole.

anyway there's my story on how i was diagnosed and the process that i went through.

i do suggest you getting in to see someone because there is obviosly something going on with you.

hugs

wolfpup · 07-30-2008, 06:56 AM

i go through a lot of what you go through. some of its situational, some of it is more.

i started with lexapro - and after a few months, i needed more.

sounds like you should at least start with talk therapy. one thing i learned is - there are therapists out there that will work with you on finances. i didnt know that. i found one that doesnt charge me my typical $40 co=pay. she lets me pay what i can afford. my therapist is great (had to go thru a couple of them before i found one i liked).

i also went in for a psychiatric evaluation. while i dont know what the results were exactly, my therapist was able to share those results with my pdoc and i am taking lamictal now. only 5-6 days into it.

see if you can at least start with a therapist, a therapist will be able to point you in the right direction with coping skills and maybe even get you in touch with a good pdoc.

good luck!

CarenR · 07-30-2008, 08:24 AM

Welcome to the board,,,,, you need to go to a dr. and tell him or her about your symthoms...Bipolar is a serious disorder and you need to at least have it ruled out.. some anxiety comes with having Bipolar.

hugs, Caren.... bipolar 1

dismama · 07-30-2008, 09:17 AM

You need to see a dr. They would be able to tell you for sure. But it sounds like your syptoms are similar. If the dr prescribes meds you NEED to take them. I believe this a sickness that only meds can control. A lot of times anxiety is a symptom of BP.