I have been Dxd with bipolar. If I look back on my life I can now see that I have had episodes, I have been dxd with depression for like 11 years but now see that some is bipolar.
I started what I call an episode in mid march. I was on only 75 mg of effexor, than was bumped up, than added seroquel. to many side effects. now on lamictal and lexapro. now back on taking a small dose of seroquel and the other two meds. I also started counseling.
I just feel like I cant get a grip this time, that I cant come out of it. I have good days, hours and than low times. almost put in hospital for major suicide thoughts.
I have a great primary doc and have been seeing him for like 4 years so he knows everything about me. He caught the bipolar.
I know I need to get meds stabilized and right, but I feel like a lab rat.
will it get better, will I gain control?
I dont like the rollar coaster feeling, I dont feel like me, I know some is most likely the meds.
any insight would be great. I know I am not alone but do feel that way
Krista
I am assuming that your primary doctor is just that - a general practitioner? If so I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist, a doctor who is specifically trained in mental, emotional and behavioral disorders.
When I found the right psychiatrist my life drastically changed. She is very knowledgeable about pharmaceuticals and for me that is what I need to treat my disorder. It took her about one year and both of us being willing to keep trying until we found something that worked. I do not suffer from bipolar but episodic depression (I cycle between depression and hypomania).
I second what the previous poster said about seeing a psychiatrist if at all possible.
About being scared--I think that's normal. It's a scary diagnosis, or at least it was for me--it's been a year and I'm still not completely okay with it. But you will get there, you will find a medication balance that will work for you and that will lead a normal life. It won't necessarily be an easy process, it hasn't been for me, but there are other people going through it and you can too.
It's a tough time, I'm sorry you're having this. How long are you on Lamictal? That takes a bit to work.
Can you hang in and know that you're on your way to getting better now that you have an accurate diagnosis? Adjusting to the meds and side effect and experimenting with meds until you find the right ones is frightening, as is just not feeling like yourself.
And perhaps you could see the diagnosis as a relief? At least you know what's wrong and can now fix it.
I agree about seeing a psychiatrist. Getting the right meds from a good psychiatrist, after years of seeing one who just didn't get it, has made a world of difference for me.
You can do it, may take some time. It will be all right. And everyone here will support you.
So Scared 
