I am coming to finally have the diagnosis of bp 2 really hit me. I am just so frustrated with it. I know that it is like any other bodily illness, diabetes. I am so upset that I have to take the pills everyday (I know they help and always take them). I hate having to watch my moods and check for triggers. I can't stand the fact that I have personal messes to clean up after hypomania last year. At this point I am really not even supposed to go in the sun or have a cocktail due to the medicine. I know those may seem moot to those who have it much worse and I have had it much worse before the dx, but I just want to have a day where this is not on the forefront of my mind. Its such a constant struggle. I told my doctor how I was finally feeling so much better after 8 months of medicine and felt like I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Then he had to remind me that this is not temporary and that it is a chronic condition. I know he had to say that but I am just sick of it. Ok, end of vent, had to get that out since no friend or family member gets it.
I know how you feel. I can get all bent out of shape when I've got to work a lot on the conditions I have.
I've found it helpful to try my best not to let them be in the forefront of my mind. It takes effort and has taken time to do that. But I don't want to live just as someone with a mental illness, so I do as many other things in my life as I can and focus on them, do what I can about the illnesses, and just go on determined to live as "normally" as I can.
Sometimes it works, sometimes not. You can take that day for yourself. Put it all aside for a while, at least a few hours, and focus on something else.
Easier said than done, I know. This is something that's worked for me, though.
P.S. Please forgive me if I was wrong in posting this. Maybe you just wanted to vent and didn't want feedback of this sort.
Don't know if it helps, but you're feeling is completely normal. I'm Bipolar II, and the diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks. Was I "crazy"? Would I ever be "normal"? Would my career plans, my life have to be on hold or be really different than I'd imagined?
The reality was, the diagnosis didn't do anything but put a name on what I'd been dealing with for over a decade, untreated. And getting properly diagnosed actually meant getting the right treatment--more affective, fewer side effects. But it's still scary.
You will get through this, but it's okay to be scared, and angry while you work through it. If you can find someone to talk to, that's good. And you can always post here.