Amz28

Where do i start?

I'm 28, married for 4 years to my high school sweetheart, have 2 kids (jess is 3 1/2 and Daniel is 18 mnths).

I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder 2 in Jan this year - it came as a total shock to me. Funnily enough I sent my DH (Darling husband) to a Pscychiatrist because I thought he had a problem. Funny, huh? Turns out, my problem was bigger. LOL. My DH was an alcoholic, but has been dry for more than 8 months now. I'm really proud of him.

Anyway - I have a long history that I won't bore you too much with . I have always felt depressed - even as a child, but couldn't really express my feelings becuase I didn't really understand them. Anyway. I had my first child in 2004 and suffered from prenatal depression (never knew it) and then postnatal depression (never realised it either) and then my dear Father who was my life comitted suicide when my daughter was barely 10 weeks old. Great.

Eventually, my Mom and DH realised something was seriously wrong with me (bless their souls) and sent me to a pscychiatrist who put me on some useless drug (unfortunately) and I just wanted to commit suicide myself. They then sent me to a pscycholigist who I saw for about 6 months and that helped a bit.

Fast forward till 2006 - we moved and I fell pregnant again. Hated my pregnancy again, but it was par for the course, right? I went for one of my scheduled "routine" scans and was suddenly admitted for an emergency c-section at 34 weeks. My previous scar from my previous birth was starting to tear and it was literally a matter of life and death for the both of us. My boy was going to be prem. He was in NICU for 2 weeks fighting for his life - getting lumbar punctures, blood drawn every day - it was awful to witness. Add a two year old toddler to the mix and you get chaos. Needless to say - I went off the rails again! I was put on Effortil 2 tablets 3x a day ( I was breasfeeding at the time) and it helped a bit.

We had our ups and down until we finally got to a major down in Jan 2008 and I told DH to go and see someone. Which he did and which eventually brought me to see him myself. Funny how the world works. Within an hour he diagnosed me and put me on Epilim, Remeron (for two weeks), Cipralex and Rivotril.

All was well again for about two months. And then I started feeling bloated, dizzy etc. I was allergic to Epilim.

I was then put on Topomax (150mg now) , Cipralex and Rivotril and it's amazing how much better my life is. I never had a relationship with my daughter. I never bonded with her because of the PND, etc. And now, 3 1/2 yrs later, we seem to be able to connect again.

Thanks for reading my sob story. LOL!! It helped to write it down.