wideawakeinaz

I have been recently diagnoised as being bipolar, which for me, is hereditary and for whatever reason, no doctors in the past ever took me seriously when I said I had bad mood swings, where it literally feels like my brain has snapped. My mother was bipolar, or back when I was growing up, she was considering Manic Depressive, one minute, she'd be fine, next, she's be yelling, throwing things, hitting me, and then almost as fast as it hit her, she would snap back to normal. She took lithuim, but when she ran out, she wouldn't get her refills right away and so, the mood swings would happen. From my understanding, her mom and sister both had this as well.

Im 34 and since I was 14, I always had mood swings. Growing up, my doctor simply felt, I was reacting to my mother, so whenever she was upset, I got upset, whenever she was happy, I was happy, because you never knew what to expect. Loved my mom and she was a great woman (she passed away several years ago), and I don't blame her for anything, for I know, she was ill.

However, after she died, I went to a different doctor who said my mood swings were because of losing my mother. I tried to explain, I had a lot of the same things she did, the sudden outburst, the sudden change of moods, yelling, screaming, throwing things, threatening to harm myself, but was told, at that time, I was only in my 20's and too young to have mental issues.

Years later, my moods got worse. Suddenly I went from outbursts every week to almost daily. Everything and anything would set me off. I could be laughing one minute and the next crying or yelling. No one believed me when I said, I feel like I just snap and the older I got, the scary it got.

Well, I finally found a doctor who listens to me. I told him my family history, boyfriend and asked him some things and he diagnoised me as being bipolar. He said, I've probably been bipolar most of my life, just some doctors are still not sure of the signs. That some doctors want to think my feelings are all in my head and not reality. When in fact, they are reality.

I feel a mix of emotions. Am I crazy? Am I mentally ill? If I have children, will they have this too? I also feel relief in knowing, my outbursts are actually because, like my mother, I am ill. I don't mean to have the mood swings, but at least I know now, it wasn't like I could help it. I admit, I don't know why my boyfriend has stuck around all these years with me, going through this when he could have easily walked away.

I am on lamictal and celexa right now, he did mention in 2 weeks, after I have the initial lamictal started, he may also consider putting me on a 3rd medication, but not sure yet.

Does anyone have any experience with lamictal or celexa? I have taken the medications for a day now and I feel a bit dizzy, but that seems to be wearing off.

Thank you all for listening to me. I really have no one else to talk to about this and very happy I found this board.