The cycle that is Bipolar Life
I was in a depressive free fall about a month ago.
I finally got to see my amazing psychiatrist after a year (he was ill). He wanted to 'catch up' on the last year - reckons I hit a manic phase just after I seen him a year ago and made some life changing decisions.
He increased my carbamazapine to 800mg daily from 600mg to help with the mood swings but they're getting worse.... It used to be once a week roughly, but over the lasdt week it's been almost continual.
I am so tired I literally have to DRAG myself slowly out of bed after 12 hours sleep. I go to work like a zombie - work doesn't get done how it should anymore. I get in after a 7 hr day and am wrecked. I go to bed a few hours later only to wake up the following morning.
I'm completely exhausted, body feels like lead, am not interested in anything, feel deatcthed from the world and those close to me, don't feel I can give any sort of feeling outwards at the moment. Also, when I go down down very low, I am finding I am completely UNABLE to actually talk to anyone. I can hear them asking questions (especially my loved other half) but am not able to respond. I lie on the bed, not able to move - very calm in myself.
I hate this.
I thought my depression had gone....
Still on mirtazapine too.
I just want to chuck in the towel on this whole BP thing - I hate never knowing who I am going to be when I wake up - once stable, now not!!!!!! I hate it. And most importantly, I hate putting it on those close to me.