Re: feelings of rejection
I know how that can feel, and if you have Borderline, you're especially sensitive to rejection/abandonment issues.
You doctor is not rejecting you. If anything, he is embracing you. He wants to get the best treatment for you.
Most regular docs are not comfortable prescribing a lot of psych meds. They know their limitations, and they're not experts in the psych med field. He didn't say he didn't want you as a patient or that you should switch altogether to a p/doc, did he?
I wonder - would you feel rejected if he sent you to say, a podiatrist or a surgeon? I'd think not. If you have a therapist, perhaps talking this out and figuring out why the prescribing of the psych meds makes you feel rejected, as opposed to going to a "medical" specialist.
You don't need to hide or be ashamed of your illness. It is just like any other medical illness and has to be treated with medication, just like cancer or MS.
Are you comfortable enough with your doc to tell him how you feel, just for reassurance?
I think you do indeed "get it". But for us, getting it in our heads is one thing. It's our emotions that are out of rational control.
If it's any comfort, I can feel rejected easily, too. Recently, someone has been helping me build a fence. She's much stronger and skilled than I, and did much of the work.
(I was introduced to her by therapist, who said she wanted to work on a project and help someone).
She's a lovely person and we got along so well. I wanted to thank her in some way, and offered to get her something she'd enjoy (she wouldn't take money), or treat her to the theater. She turned me down and said that if I needed help on another project, she'd be glad to help
I'd wanted a friendship. Well, she didn't, for her own reasons. My feelings are terribly hurt, and I already miss her, since we were together almost every day. But it was only 2 weeks!
I have to work on putting myself in the other person's shoes. Maybe you can do that about your doc, too.
Best, hope you feel better,