I actually only heard about bp a few weeks ago.
Have recognized, that something has been going on for many years, but never knew, that "my character" was an illness, nor that there was a name for it.
Everything really started falling apart during the pregnancy and after the baby was born. But I know, that I didn't suffer the bb-blues, nor any other hormonal weakness. The feelings, that came out, have always been there, but just not that strong and that intense.
I thought all this might change over the months, but now that my bb is 14 months old, it seems to get stronger and stronger. Mood swings through the roof! I usually start the day either with a super high and by the end of the day I simply wish to crawl into bed and die, OR the other way around. I am dead tired by 8pm and happily have an angel baby, so I could get a good night sleep, but usually wake up at 2 or 4 and can't go back to bed. Now it's 2PM here and I am worn out.
Have done lots of research and actually saw a program on TV about bp. The lady in the program spoke "about me". Well actually it was her, but I felt like she spoke about me.
That was a few months back and I still have not seen a doc, since I don't know what to tell them. Hi Doc: I've got BP! They will laugh in my face. Especially since I live in Asia and here people don't admit, that they are sick.
And then there is my husband...
And then there is my baby!...
I can't talk to him and my daughter needs me.
What if they put me on some weird drugs?
Anybody out there, who has some suggestions for me?
hi there. i like what you said about feeling like you didn't have a new postpartum depression because the feelings had always been there...
that is exactly how i felt but i didn't know how to put it into words until now.
doctors kept telling me i was having baby blues, etc, but i knew there was something else going on because i had had those feelings all along..just now they were taking on a new, different light.
i, too, felt it was my 'character'. i still think that, to be honest. some days, anyway. other days i realize that i have a problem. but some days...i feel like it is simply my personality and that nothing can ever change it. i think it is just because i've been this way for so LONG, it's hard to imagine myself without it.
After the birth of my first son, 18 yrs ago is when I was first dx'd with BP, i tried to commit suicide when he was 3 weeks old...I was so depressed. I was dx'd with BP, with severe BP suicidal depression and have been battling it ever since then, with a total of 6 suicide attempts. It's been a very long hard road, but with the right meds, docs, and therapists it can be managed.
thanks for your reply. I am happy, that there is somebody out there "like me".
It's really funny, now since I know, that this "character" has a a name, I understand all these people.
I know why some people don't like me, others love me.
At time I am very intense to be around. My husband loved that about me, although he must have recognized, that something has changed. Because it has. I have these really steep highs and low. Today is a bad day. I call them "my grey days". Was on the way to the swimming class with my daughter and turned around just b4 arriving there.
As a excuse I used my mense and told them I couldn't go into the pool, but that's not true. Once having returned home, I just wanted to crawl back to bed, but I felt sorry for my little daughter. She wanted to play with me, so I just sat in the bath tub with her for an hour. She loved it and enjoyed having fun with mum (who did not really enjoy it), but what should I do.
Don't understand me wrong, I love being a mum, but there are times, when I am really happy, when I can drop her off at the nursery in the afternoon. She goes there every pm and I am happy. I have the feeling, that it's better for her to be there with others. I so don't want my ups and downs to interfere with her life....
Well...this reply is getting too long, sorry!
Just thought I'll reply and thank you for your answer.
Let's see I'm not sure how to say this with out sounding accusatory....sometimes especially when we're down and very sad we have to watch the actions and even activities that we do. You mention that you get depressed and it gets very bad....sometimes when the depression gets bad, people can just tune out, you know...I know I do...so sitting in the tub with your daughter might not be the best thing in the world, since she's so young and could maybe fall over in the water or something like that. This is just my opinion, and like I said, not trying to tell you what to do or anything. You sound like a really good mom and focusing on the fact that your baby girl loves you more than anything in the whole world, sometimes that's all it takes to get you through the next hour. Because alot of the time, that's how we live, hour by hour.
Keep talking to us, sometimes it's just better to come here and vent or rant or whatever you want.
I can empathize on so many levels. I am a mother of two, both boys, a 4 yr old and an 11 month old. I have known I am bp for almost 10 years now and I was working on the right cocktail for the first 3. When I had my first child I went completely off all my meds. Cold turkey. Overnight. Talk about rough. THen after I had both of my children I breast fed for the first 6 months so that was even more rough. I went almost a year and a half without meds woth both of my children and as much as I loved them I didn't enjoy them. I would lose my temper, get irritated and afraid of what I would do next. I felt like you do, maybe they are better off with someone else. I know that isn't true but it doesn't change the way you think or feel.
My advice, get help whether meds or counselling, find something that works. You and your kids both deserve it!!
I have thought about this too, but somehow I forget my feelings, when I strongly have to concentrate on my little angel. I know, that I have to watch over her and protect her and I would never let anything happen to her. But you are right, sometimes it take a twinkle of an eye,...with or without "being different".
Hope you are having a wonderful day today.
Mine started a bit stressful, but so far doing ok.
Thanks for your answer.
I am amazed that you went off the meds cold turkey.
This is one reason why I am not keen in starting.
I breastfed my daughter for 7 months and now she's 14 months and we are working on another baby. Actually just had a miscarriage one month ago.
So I CAN'T start taking any meds, but at moments I don't know what to do.
So far a glass of white wine helped (NEVER DURING THE DAY!!!), only once baby is in bed, but it soothes me. YES, I know, alcohol is NOT the answer and I never and would never drink while pregnant or breastfeeding.
BUT, what on earth shall I do? I don't want to start medicating myself now.
Is there anything "smooth" out there, that I could try?
Would be grateful!
If you go to wear it says "search this thread" and type in "vitamins" and hit search and show threads. There is a post called "vitamins and meds" and in it one of the posters lists all these vitamins that may be beneficial to BP you may want to check out that post.