patteecake

This is the 3rd month and i'm getting aniexty attacks, feeling deprerssed , even some thoughts of runnin away and just taking a break from life, i'm ocverwhelmed and feeling depressed and crying alot.

So i've been taking my meds every other day. Its been calming and i'm able to relax, I recently moved into my own apt with my son and its great! I've been working on myself and learning to love mtyself one day at a time. I've stopped talking to my son's father its been almost a month and the chaotic cycle i was in has gone away. I still miss talking to him, but not the emotional abuse. I can finally breathe b/c it was eating me up inside. My bi polar was loving the chaos and i hated it. I know theres a old me inside me that is pushing her way out and the ugly me, selfish and naive is fighting her. I know i don't have two personalities. But sometimes i feel like i do.

I try to relax but i feel like my head is about to explode. I cry out of frustration and stress. So many things are happening. i am down to 180lbs and feeling good about myself and i'm happy that i get to use my excersize tapes and my work out dvds and i love my apt. I thought i was going to be lonely but i'm not. I'm not having insomnia at nite any more and i'm sleeping through the nite which is great. I'm relaxing and writing in my journal. I'm am expressing myself on paper more. I'm writing to my son's father about what he's missing in his son's life and i started a weight log journal.

I am starting alot of positive things in my life to help me accomplish my goal in life to move on and i have my new beginning. One day at a a time.