Hi, my username is Maisy, and I am a 43 yo married mum of 3 children. I am absolutely sure I have bipolar, as is my husband. I haven't been officially diagnosed, although I do have a psychological assessment due on 11 December. I am currently not coping well with my illness, and feel embarrassed and alone. I have been very stressed lately which also makes me anxious. I joined so I could correspond with other bipolar sufferers, give and hopefully receive support. Thank you!
I think things will be better for you once you know for sure from a pdoc that you are actually BiPolar. What does your husband take or do for treatment? Is his BP under control? Maybe you could sit down and talk with him about it and that might help aleviate some of your fears...
I'm diagnosed as Bipolar I with Psychotic Features Rapid Cycling (ultradian) and a secondary diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder - Bipolar Type.
I was originally diagnosed as Schizoaffective after being hospitalized in 2006 for a severe manic/psychotic episode. 12 months later, my pdoc changed my primary diagnosis to Bipolar I.
I had a great deal of difficulty accepting my diagnosis and would say that it took me over a year to come to terms with my illnesses. Even now there are still days when I feel level and doubt the fact that I'm Bipolar.
However, it isn't long before mania and depression always return to bring me back into reality.
I hope you find as much help and support on the boards as I have.
dreams in neon
Bipolar I - Rapid Cycling
Schizoaffective Disorder - Bipolar Type
I am recently diagnosed as bipolar just this week and I too am scared out of my mind. I found this board searching for others like me who understand. I have never felt so alone in my life. the couple of people I have told about my diagnosis, husband, parents, seem almost kind of like they don't completely buy it. "Well you couldn't have always had this," "you just need to stop moping around, tell yourself that it's time to get over all this," and the one that I loved the most, "that's what so-and-so has and she's crazy, you can't have that." That one was from my thoughtful, caring mother. (catch the sarcasm). Needless to say I screamed at her and cussed her out and hung up on her. that was yesterday and I have yet to talk to her since. But, I don't really have a problem do I ?? Everyone flies into rages and screams at the drop of a hat, no big deal right? So, hoping to make some friends here and be able to vent and maybe help others too. Just so glad to finally know that this is something that was out of my control and it can be helped.
The diagnose in itself means nothing - it doesn't
determine your future.
Many people develop fears when being diagnosed,
and often these are based on misconceptions.
(like popular notions of "madness", stories you've
heard about people with the diagnosis and things
you've read about the condition.)
Patients' symptoms, development and abilities to cope
vary greatly; thus sharing another's diagnose doesn't
mean you will share his situation. Also, doctors are
unable to give prognoses.
People have thoughts like "will I start hallucinating?"
"will I lose contact with reality?" "will I be able to
hold on to a job?" "will I be able to marry?"
There are many bipolars who handle their jobs,
marriages, not hallucinating or "losing it".
Further I think it's wrong to think of people's situations,
using a checklist: does he have symptom a? symptom b?
There are different issues that cause the symptoms,
(and also the same issue can cause different symptoms)
and I think it's better to focus on them. Overall, I think
it comes down to three things: thoughts (what you think
and how you think), feelings and biochemical issues;
all three influencing each other. Learning to handle
thoughts (and learning ways of thinking) and emotions
(maybe also how to communicate them) is your main thing
to focus on. Taking meds, eating healthily, and keeping a
steady sleep cycle doesn't take much effort.
Therefore it's very valuable to familiarize yourself with your
problems and troublesome habits, rather than fleeing from
them - together with a therapist, a support group and alone.
I can post, if you wish, something a post I wrote about
verbal hallucinations, that also relates to thinking in general
and a little to handling emotions.
I think it's nice that you try to make everything seem so simple for Maisy to alleviate her fears, but realistically it's not alwasy that simple for everyone. Take for instance your last 3 items takeing meds, eating regularly and keeping a steady sleep schedule.
Some people no matter how hard they try, especially if they are extremely depressed cannot sleep at night, whether they keep a steady sleep schedule or not, and believe me I speak from experience.
Some people who have BiPolar also suffer from an eating disorder and eating regularly may not be as easy for them, also when your very depressed eating regularly can be the last thing you think of....as depressed as I've been this last week....the only thing I've had to eat in 2 days was an apple and a slimfast and that was bcause my son reminded me to eat it.
Takeing meds....once again when your manic or depressed it can be difficult to remember to take those meds, you have to be very dilligent. It can also be very hard to get the right meds from your pdoc and the constant changing and trying new meds all the time can be frustrating.
So, it's just not always so easy for everyone to do the things that need to be done, although they try very hard and want to do the right thing.
Thank you for the input.
I didn't keep in mind the possibility of anorexia.
What I meant is that compared to dealing with paranoia,
existential fears, impulses to harm etc. eating regularly
and taking meds isn't hard. Falling asleep isn't too easy,
but going to bed at a semi-regular schedule is easier.
I didn't mean at all to write off the difficulties that many
people face, and the effort they put in to handle their
situation, rather was trying to encourage a constructive
shift of focus.
I hope that in these you have learned that this is someplace where you can go and find people like you going through some of the things you are as well. When I was diagnosed about 5 years ago now I already assumed I was bipolar based on my employment background and some research I had done. I had family members however that didn't want to believe it and I think are only now coming around to understand the full impact.
I won't minimize what Bright Day (I think that's who wrote it) about eating regularly/sleep, etc. As for some that is easy enough, for others it is difficult. And I would argue that going to bed at a consistent time is helful even if you don't fall asleep. I can go to bed at the same time every night and often lay there for hours before falling asleep which in itself adds more frustration.... my doctor told me if I'm not asleep in 30 minutes from the time I go to bed than I can get up and take valium but recommends getting up and doing something and not continuing to lay there being frustrated.