Maybe This Is Common? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

xblondeangel650 · 12-04-2008, 12:34 PM

I'll explain a situation that all of us go through pretty often,manic episodes.Everyone has different types depending on the specific kind of Bipolar they have,I was diagnosed with type II mania.Every single time I have a huge episode when I'm with my significant other,and it soon goes away,it's as if it never happened?!My mind just completely blocks off the fact that I just went through something major,it definately scares my boyfriend.He always says "See your doing much better now" but what people that don't have Bipolar,won't understand that it could come back so easily because it's manic.So i'll go from being overly depressed/suicidal thoughts,to being happy go lucky again,anyone go through that too?

dreams in neon · 12-04-2008, 04:16 PM

When I'm manic (I'm bipolar I rapid cycling) I cycle on an hourly basis between mania, depression, irritability, agitation -- sometimes even auditory hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.

My sister used to be in denial about my bipolar and would often ask me, "What do you feel when you're manic? Are you anxious? Nervous? If so, those are normal emotions that everyone experiences from day to day." What she fails to understand is that I don't have any control over my feelings and since I rapid cycle so much, I can barely put my finger on any of the emotions I feel because they change so quickly. That makes it difficult for me to pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling at any given time.

I'm happy to report that she has since accepted my diagnosis and is now one of my best advocates. She always keeps an eye on me and is the first to tell me if I'm showing signs of mania (95% of my symptoms revolve around mania except during the autumn and winter months when I cycle between mania and depression).

CindyInOz · 12-04-2008, 04:41 PM

I don't think anyone who hasnt walked in the shoes of Bipolar truely understands the lack of control we have over our highs and lows. After an episode, others seem to think your over it and consistent in their efforts to convince us that we are doing much better (ie - now we are well?) I too never saw my highs as having a major impact, once they were over I continued on as if nothing had happened. It was only after (finally) finding the right medication for me and making some good lifestyle changes that I was able to look back and see how very huge my mania had been and what an immense impact it made not only to myself but to those around me. My partner seems to think it's a case of "mind over matter" and that I should be able to control my mood swings, but even on medication I still experience them albeit to a much lesser and controllable degree.

I have now sort of given up even trying to explain it to him, as those "outside the bipolar circle" really have no idea what it is like to live on a daily roller coaster and to never quite be sure whether the joy or pain you are feeling is "real" or not. Even now, after years of being stable, when I get excited or very happy about something I question whether I am "normally" excited or whether I am manically excited. It's can be quite exhausting monitoring myself constantly. But, yes I do believe that others simply dont get the fact that we can have our manias and depressions occur at anytime and that they will almost always be there forever.

Brightest Blessings to you,
CindyInOz

LonelyInNY · 12-04-2008, 04:52 PM

yes i have been like that for a long time, it got to the point where i'm in counseling. i've been emotionally and physically abused. I have trust issues and i'm some times selfish and never really satisfied with anything. i block out major episodes as well. b/c bi polar has its on/ off switch, we are very selective in our memories.

xblondeangel650 · 12-04-2008, 06:51 PM

That is true what you say,being able to switch how you feel on and off,it sounds kind of great because you can push the pain aside.It just sucks when down the road it hits you 10x harder with the mania,and then major depression.I wish it could be irrability only instead of mixing the depression part of it,that's when everything turns into being scary.I have literally scared my significant other,and I don't feel sympathetic towards his emotions at all during that time.It's like your selfish going through manic episodes,I really feel bad for my family putting up with me though,boggles my mind how they handle it.