It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Bipolar Disorder Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-13-2009, 05:59 PM   #1
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
I don't know how to handle this anymore... help.

Wednesday things got really really bad, the stress from work, husband, being sick, more work, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. all of it...I coudn't handle it, I tried so hard, but I couldn't. I ended up self-injuring and had to go to urgent care and get 10 stitches. I'm so tired of all of it, the BP, the SH/SI, the OCD, the PTSD all of it. Now my tdoc has come to the decision that she cannot work with me unless I agree to go to a DBT group. I don't do well in group settings, they scare me, give me panic attacks, and increase my anxiety 10 fold, and I have no idea why? I don't want to lose my tdoc, but I don't know if I can do this group thing and I don't know what to do? How do I make this decision? She says she has my best interest at heart and is at the point that she can't help me alone and is concerned that I will do irreperable damage to myself, but I feel betrayed and threatened that I have to do this or else. It just brings back stuff from my childhood....Do it or else!!!

I have to see my pdoc on Tuesday and talk to him about all of this, but I'm pretty sure he'll be in the "group" corner as he's tried to get me to join a DBT group for a long time. I understand that the DBT is going to help with the SI/SH but it's not going to help with the BP which can cause the SI/SH so how is this loop that can't be broken going to help anyway?

 
Old 02-13-2009, 08:10 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

((((((Kat))))))

I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. I wonder if the DBT group might help you think about your urge to SH/SI differently and could provide coping strategies to enable you to deal with your feelings whenever you feel severely depressed? I don't think it would hurt for you to try attending one session to at least see how it goes. If you're unhappy with the group, how about going to a 12 step program? At least you'd be finding a way to cope with your BP and that may be enough to satisfy your tdoc.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 02-14-2009, 06:39 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,916
seaturtle HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

kat,

Go for the DBT. It can help with all kinds of things, including bp.
If it might help with your SH, that alone is worth it.
Work it a couple of times if you have to. I think that your therapist is laying down a condition for continued treatment is important. Do you trust him?

In AA (maybe you know), there is a saying "When all else fails, follow directions."
Maybe you can trust your doc to give you the right directions at this point.

As neondreams says, you can always go for one meeting. But my experience is that you have to stick at it. I hope you do it.

I may not be around much for a couple of days - I'm not feeling well.

Hugs to you, kat,

Seaturtle

 
Old 02-14-2009, 07:37 PM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Dreams,

There's no "satisfying" she made it clear that i have to go for a full DBT class which is a year long or she'll no longer work with me. It's like I'm being punished for having a mental condition that I cannot control. I feel so betrayed by her, my tdoc. And our weekly sessions would be what, me being pi**** off at her the whole time and not wanting to talk to her. I'm so tired of doctors controling my life. They control it all don't they, they tell us what to do, when to do it, what meds to take, how to take them, whatever. Actually the more I talk and think about it the more I think I'm just ready to give it all up, I've just about had it with all of it.

I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time getting your moods in order and the cycles to stop. At least you have Dr.'s that care for you and what's best for you.

I hope all the best for you.

kat

 
Old 02-14-2009, 07:38 PM   #5
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Seaturtule,

I'm sorry that you are not feeling well, and I hope that you get better soon. Sending good thoughts your way.

Kat

 
Old 02-14-2009, 09:36 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Kat,

You may not realize this, but you also have doctors who care. You really do. I know you're upset, but your tdoc is only looking out for your best interest. As you know, I also struggle with SH/SI (although I don't cut -- I have other behaviors) and my tdoc is trying to address that with me in addition to my bipolar rapid cycling and PTSD. I know how frustrated you are with doctors. I get frustrated too and miss the days when I didn't have to go to therapy, psychiatrists or neurologists. Having said that, we can't give up. If we do, we are only defeating ourselves. If you're unhappy with your tdoc, I would find another because there's no sense in continuing to work with her if she is going to keep telling you to attend DBT groups when you don't want to. I hope what I've written doesn't upset you because I don't mean for it to. I'm here as a friend and care about what happens to you. ((((((Kat))))))
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-14-2009, 09:41 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Kat,

I just wanted to say that I really do hope you attend DBT group. When I was hospitalized in December, I didn't want to attend art therapy or relaxation classes given how depressed and psychotic I was, but I was encouraged to and I'm glad I was. Being around others as well as being active helped me to think outside of myself for a change instead of constantly thinking about my rapid cycling, mania, depression, psychosis, delusions, paranoia and bipolar in general. It was a nice reprieve. As far as your situation is concerned, I really do think that your tdoc has your best interest at heart. She can't help you if you continue self-harming. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to fight the urge to self-harm (I'm IP right now and am fighting that urge as we speak), but you have to try. Please don't give up. If you give up, then I might as well give up too.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-14-2009 at 09:43 PM.

 
Old 02-15-2009, 09:44 PM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Dreams,

That was playing unfair...

I like my tdoc, but I can't help but wonder what' next? What will be the next thing she makes me do in order to keep seeing her? And it so feels like I'm being punished for doing something that I did wrong. I didn't mean to breakdown and for not anything else I tried to work it just happened and truth be told It was so bad on Wenesday that I SI'd high enough that it wasn't permanent.

I've went over a few of the DBT groups my tdoc suggested and will check them out tomrorow see what they have to say. That way everyone will be happy as a clam and I'll be compliant as usual....exept me, but it doesn;t matter, I'm never happy anyway so why should it matter now?

kat

 
Old 02-15-2009, 10:07 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Kat,

I'm really sorry that you think I'm being unfair. I'm trying to be a friend because I care about you. Why not give the DBT group a fair chance and then if you don't like it, you don't have to go? Don't you think you owe yourself that much? What if it turns out that DBT actually works for you? Wouldn't you want to have the chance of having something like this help you? If you think I'm playing unfair by telling you not to give up, I apologize, but that's what I think you're doing when you refuse to attend the DBT group for even one session. If you attend one meeting and don't like it, you have every right to stop going. What I'm also asking you to do is not to give up on life. Life is unfair. I can tell you all about that. I was born totally blind. I'm totally deaf (although I can hear with cochlear implants). I suffered 4 different traumas over the span of 18 years. I lost my hearing in 1995, my beloved first guide dog in 1997, my father to heart complications and diabetes in 1999, my mother to pancreatic cancer in 2004 and a very, close dear friend to a brain aneurism in 2005. I'm diagnosed with bipolar (not to mention lucky enough to be one of the few who has heard -- and still hears -- voices for the past 17 years, have been paranoid for 10 years and have 7 different types of paranoia) as well as PTSD. I've suffered from PTSD for 20 years and wasn't diagnosed until a few weeks ago. I also have rapid cycling bipolar where my moods change on an hourly basis and sometimes minute by minute. There are ALOT of things I could be p*ssed off about, but you know what? It's not worth it. Feeling sorry for myself won't bring any of my loved ones back. It won't bring my best friend back. It won't bring my wonderful first guide dog back. It won't allow me to see and it won't restore my hearing. It also won't take away my bipolar, psychotic symptoms, paranoia or PTSD. I don't know how religious you are (or if you are at all), but God does not give us more than we can handle. He gave mental illness to those He knew had the emotional strength to handle it. Are there days where I throw my hands up in frustration and hate having bipolar and PTSD? You bet there are, but if I give in to my anger and frustration, I am letting my diagnoses get the best of me and I refuse to do that. I really do hope you take what I've said in the manner it is intended. I'm not trying to discount or minimize your feelings because I also have bipolar, PTSD and struggle with SH/SI. I've also been abused sexually, physically, emotionally and have had my life threatened when I was 9 years old. Anyone reading my post would probably say that I have alot that I could complain about, but you know what? I refuse to because life is too short. I refuse to because I only weighed 2 pounds at birth and almost died twice. I'm lucky to be here on this Earth even if I have had a very difficult life and have to deal with bipolar and PTSD on a daily basis. It's not fair, but we all have our crosses to bear and believe it or not, there is always someone who has it worse than the next person. Again, I hope that what I've written doesn't upset you. I don't mean for it to. I'm just trying to be a friend by helping you see that your tdoc DOES care about you and wants what's best even though that's difficult for you to believe right now. I hope we can still be friends because I do cherish our friendship and want to continue supporting you whenever I can.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-16-2009, 12:28 PM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 543
babygirl2005_21 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Wow, dreams, your post really opened my eyes. It was really helpful. I am going to try to be more positive like you!

 
Old 02-16-2009, 02:07 PM   #11
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Thanks, babygirl! I really don't want to compare myself to Kat. All I want is for her to realize the good there is in life (even though I know how extremely difficult that is!). I'm not one to talk because 2 days ago I was suicidal, but I got help and am now being hospitalized. I would tell you that I'm feeling better, but as you know, I'm in a mixed state right now. I feel like crying my eyes out, running a marathon and sleeping all day at the same time, but I'm trying to do as my tdoc tells me: Take things one minute at a time.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-16-2009, 03:07 PM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Dreams,

Im hate typeing sometimes wen you cant see someones facial expressions. When I said you were playing "unfair" I was grinning, because I care so much about you so much that when I read that line, "if you give up then I guess I'll have to give up." you knew I couldn't give up because I care about you too much.

I didn't mean anything else by it or anything like all the stuff in your post.

Yes we are still friends and always will be.

kat

 
Old 02-16-2009, 05:00 PM   #13
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 4,189
dreams in neon HB Userdreams in neon HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Kat,

You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that. Sometimes I end up misinterpreting posts and I take things in the literal sense. It has always been a fault of mine. I'm sorry, but am glad we can still be friends.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-16-2009, 05:17 PM   #14
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Hey look at it this way, at least you got to get alot of stuff out of your head, so now there's more room for more stuff!!


Okay so you notice the use of emoticons? I'm going to start using them more often!

Kat

 
Old 02-16-2009, 06:33 PM   #15
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB Userkatlin09 HB User
Re: I don't know hot to handle this anymore...help.

Dreams,

Well I've contacted a few of the DBT Groups that my tdoc gave me. One good thing is that most of the groups don't start until March or April, so at least I have some time to get mentally prepared for it. *lol* mentally prepared....hmmm how do we get mentally prepared for anything? I had to go back to the doc today because of course one of the stitched up cuts on my arm was getting infected, so that was fun.

I have an appointment with my pdoc tomorrow and he and I have to do some serious talking about all this stuff that's going on with my tdoc, 'cuz this has some raised some serious trust issues between the tdoc and I and I'm not sure how to handle it all, it's going to be wierd going in to see her each week, when I have all this anger and feelings of being intimidated by her. Oh well, we'll see I guess. Maybe I'll just have to go to him for therapy for a while until I get this stuff straighted out and I'm not feeling quite so abandoned by my tdoc.

Dreams I hope you're doing okay and the cycling has slowed up some, I know you could use a break. I'll give you a yell tomorrow and let you know what my pdoc has to say.

Oh yeah I forgot to tell you I got my son a kitty for Valentines day and he's been a blast. He sleeps on one of our pillows at nights and loves to snuggle and play. I didn't realize how much I missed having a cat, but just having that little furball to snuggle with during the day and at night makes so much difference. His name is wally and he's 4 months old, he's gold and while.

kat

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Brother in a Downward Spiral, Don't Know What to Do... cmpgirl Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 33 09-17-2008 08:05 AM
Help! Don't think I can Forteo anymore... Kathy1813 Osteoporosis 7 06-30-2007 04:21 PM
I Don't Know What To Do ladygolfer47 Open to All Other Health Topics 2 09-21-2006 09:24 AM
I don't know how to handle the depression and anxiety attacks any longer DesperateOne Depression 2 05-31-2006 11:04 PM
so frustrated...want to let go but then again I don't... littleone314 Relationship Health 8 10-23-2005 11:57 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Abilify
Depakote
Lamictal
Lexapro
Lithium
  Prozac
Seroquel
Wellbutrin
Zoloft
Zyprexa




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



reesie (68), katlin09 (59), Administrator (24), TinoRock (14), bprapcyc (10), thatgirl141 (7), lynnlee (6), annii456 (4), ghelpmelivelife (4), goody2shuz (3)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1011), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (761), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:59 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!