Its been 3 weeks since the mania started
Today was a good day, im still feeling up, my thoughts are free flowing, heaps of things come and go in my head, i find it hard to control. I have a lot of memories that keep popping into my head, times when i was manic and the people i was with at that time, and then how things changed as i went into the depression stage, and how the relationships deteriorated, and as i always do when in this stage i drift away never to see these people again. I have basically been doing this since the age of 15. I don't want this any more, i want to have intimate relationships, i want to be healthy, i want to be happy, i want to live. I feel as though im not living a life, i have been on my own my whole life, i withdraw when im going through the depression stage to be on my own, it could be months, and then the hypomania stage comes and im able to form relationships again, usually drugs and alcohol are the main factors to the relationships that are formed, this is the cycle i have been on since my early teenage years. I now realize that the bipolar disorder has been a major contributing factor in why my life has evolved the way it has, i didn't know any better. The illness is mental, you cant see it, you cant touch it, it just exists in your brain, and has a major influence on your thoughts and feelings which then impacts on your choices. I hope to better myself through gaining more knowledge about myself and living with this illness.