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dreams in neon · 02-20-2009, 03:34 PM

Hi everyone,

I'm so frustrated right now. I slept for most of the day because I was tired and didn't wake up until 3pm, then I couldn't find something I was looking for. I'm STILL trying to find what I lost and it's really ticking me off. A few minutes ago my sister called me on the phone. We had a great conversation, so up went my mood. After I finished our conversation, I suddently remembered the object I was looking for and got really upset all over again because I couldn't find it. A few minutes later I started to get depressed because the weather here is so d*mn cold and I haven't been able to go anywhere for over a week, then before I know it my mood switched back to anger/irritability because I accidentally pressed a button on my TV and couldn't get the cable to come back on for 15 minutes. I HATE rapid cycling. I hate it with a passion. Anyways, there's really no point in my post except to vent. Thanks for allowing me to do that.

katlin09 · 02-20-2009, 08:34 PM

Dreams,

God girl I feel for you, I wish I were near you so I could just come over and sit you down and talk you calm, or give you a neck massage or whatever. Did you ever find what you were looking for?

I'm a bit scared right now that I'm cycling into a hypomanic state myself, my son and I went out to eat and do some shopping, I redecorated the bathrooms, and for a lil while I'd be happy and we were joking and laughing, and then I'd be down and snapping at him over every lil thing, and then in a good mood again, then depressed and grouchy...poor kid he was so confused. Plus the bathrooms didn't really need redecorated and I spent about 400.00 on the stuff to do them. I think it's because all of the med changes I'm going through right now, weaning off one, going up on another, etc. But I'll have to keep an eye out on it and let my pdoc know tomorrow or Sunday if it keeps it up. I do this so littlely that it's hard for me to handle.

kat

dreams in neon · 02-20-2009, 09:58 PM

Kat,

I did find the object I lost. It was sitting on my computer chair. I think I became distracted when a visitor came earlier and I went to answer the door which is probably when I put this object down on the chair. Grrr. I normally keep it in the same place, but this was one of the rare times I didn't. I kept thinking that it probably fell between my loveseat and TV which is when I accidentally bumped the buttons cutting off the cable signal. *sigh* I am so darn confused by this disorder. I'm supposed to be stable on my meds and yet I'm still cycling. I'm beginning to think that nothing is going to help. My pdoc wants to get me to the point where I only cycle once or twice a day, but if truth be told, I just don't see that happening. It's not because I don't want it to -- it's because I'm too emotionally wound up by the simplest things. That's part of the reason why I think DBT would be a good idea in trying to control my rapid cycling. It may not work, but won't know until I try.

As for you my friend...you're on Cymbalta, correct? If so, I wonder if that is what could be causing your cycling? I would really let your pdoc know ASAP about the cycling because you don't want it to become worse. I don't know what he could do to help you except to either decrease the Cymbalta further and/or increase your mood stabilizer (if I remember correctly, you're taking Lamictal?). Either way, I hear you girlfriend and know how frustrating it is. Sometimes I wish I could go back 3 years ago when I was misdiagnosed as having schizoaffective because at the time (not until 12 months later) I did not rapid cycle.

katlin09 · 02-20-2009, 11:31 PM

Dreams,

Yeah I'm in teh process of weaning off the Cymbalta, one only 3 days, and I've went onto the Abilify 5mg every day. And usually the only time I go hypomanic is when my meds get jacked with. AARRRGGGHHH I'm also on Lamictal, Buspar, Topomax, Klonopin and something else that I can't remember. My pdoc is going to raise my Lamictal to 400mg soon, so that ought to be interesting. So that may be the reason I'm still wide awake too! Well I think I'm going to turn all the lights and TV off and try to get some sleep. Who knows *l* I may be back in a bit!

Have a good night,

dreams in neon · 02-20-2009, 11:35 PM

LOL! How much Topamax do you take? I'm on 50mg for migraines, but will be increased to 100mg since the 50mg isn't doing a thing for my headaches. My pdoc told me that Topamax is also used as a mood stabilizer for BP and said I could experience some good results on it at 100mg and above. Technically that would mean I'm taking 3 mood stabilizers: Depakote, Geodon and Topamax.

CarenR · 02-21-2009, 12:48 PM

I am sorry that you are having a bad time,,just wanted you to know that I pushed the wrong button also and couldnt get my tv to come on at all so called cable company to come out. When he arrived to fix the tv. on it was just a button I pushed.... ahahhhhhaaa

hugs, caren

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 02:55 PM

Caren,

It's so frustrating, isn't it? I forgot there were buttons on the side of my TV since it's a new 32" HDTV that I purchased a few weeks ago. I was also irritated by the fact that I had to replace my analog cable box with a digital cable box for it to work with the HDTV.

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 03:07 PM

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. This morning I totally lost it when calling my tdoc's office. I wanted to let him know how I was doing since I was in pretty bad shape 2 nights ago. When the answering service answered, I couldn't understand anything the person on the other line said. The phone sounded like a piece of... When I asked the person to repeat themselves 2 more times asking them to rephrase, I still couldn't understand them, so I slammed down the phone, took a Trazodone and went to bed. I don't mean to complain, but sometimes I think the Big Kahuna upstairs is trying to test me and laughing at the same time. Other times I can't help but wonder if there isn't something wrong with me. Am I reacting the way I do because of the bipolar or is there more to it? This disease is so confusing.

katlin09 · 02-21-2009, 04:20 PM

Hey Girl,

As for the Topomax I take 100mg and will be going up to 150 in the next month, because my migraines are getting more frequent.

As for the man upstairs, I've had a theory for a long long time that I am his own personal court jester and my life is his comedy!

Sorry your having such a rough time. I am definitely cycling in and out for some damn reason, and have my sons 2 friends sleepeing over tonight...I'm trying to just lay low and keep it cool....yeah right!

kat

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 04:58 PM

Kat,

I'm sorry you're still cycling. That must be even more frustrating for you since you aren't used to it like I am. Try to take it easy tonight. I know. Easier said than done.

As for myself, I'm just trying to understand why I cycle so d*mn much. It just doesn't seem real that so many things can set me off, then elevate my mood and set me off again in a matter of hours or minutes.

katlin09 · 02-21-2009, 05:27 PM

Dreams,

I've been thinking back through your posts, and it seems like your fogginess in your head started around the same time as your cochlear implants started giving you trouble. I may be wrong, but that seems like the timeline. Do you think one could be affecting the other?

kat

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 05:42 PM

Kat,

That would make perfect sense and would coincide with the time my dizziness started. I'm also beginning to suspect that my Fluoxetine may be responsible as well only because my dizziness began not long after I started this med. I'm really hoping this isn't the case because if it is, it means that I will either have to decrease my dosage by 10mg or switch to a different anti-depressant. My pdoc has had good results with Wellbutrin, so that could be an option.

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 07:39 PM

Kat,

I spoke to someone else today who has rapid cycling BP and they said they take Clonodine whenever they feel as if they're about to cycle. According to them, it works really well in helping them control their anger/irritability. I know meds work differently for everyone, but I think I'm going to ask my pdoc about it when I see him on March 9th. If I can find something to take for my dizziness as well as when I begin to cycle, all of my bases should be covered.

katlin09 · 02-21-2009, 09:58 PM

Hey Dreams GF,

I takes Clonodines to, two as a matter of fact everynight, for my severe axietyand stress and panic attaks. Damn is there anythig about me that isn't severe???? I've got that stupid Hawaian Christmas song stuck in my head, Hana kaleki lela...whatever arrgghhhh it wont' go away.

ummm back totheh clonodines they make most peoples sleepy but not me, and they're the strongest benzo's out their so of course they're very addictive, but hell what of all the drugs we take aren't? We're like one big walking addiction factory!!! it's like those snack machines at th hospitals, push A3 for zoloft addiction, B4 for Cybalta addiction and so on and so on.

I just love lthis loverly life we live. I went shopping today and totally redecoratted my bathrooms, they look really good. Also got Nick a whoel new wardrobe his clothes were getting a bit grass stained and "boy playing in the dirt" looking. so I guess it was a prodcutibe day. I was ready to come home though, my knee ain't ready for those long walks around the mall yet, it wears me out!

kat

dreams in neon · 02-21-2009, 11:25 PM

Kat,

I'm glad you had a good day! Here things were pretty quiet because it snowed today. We received 6-8 inches of snow. Yay! (Yeah, right!) Actually, the snow didn't bother me like I thought it would. I enjoyed taking Tigger outside for a walk. I just wish the weather would warm up a little! Today temperatures weren't bad at all. The winds were relatively calm, so it was an improvement over the past week or so.

irishwriter · 02-22-2009, 03:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreams in neon

Hi everyone,

I'm so frustrated right now. I slept for most of the day because I was tired and didn't wake up until 3pm, then I couldn't find something I was looking for. I'm STILL trying to find what I lost and it's really ticking me off. A few minutes ago my sister called me on the phone. We had a great conversation, so up went my mood. After I finished our conversation, I suddently remembered the object I was looking for and got really upset all over again because I couldn't find it. A few minutes later I started to get depressed because the weather here is so d*mn cold and I haven't been able to go anywhere for over a week, then before I know it my mood switched back to anger/irritability because I accidentally pressed a button on my TV and couldn't get the cable to come back on for 15 minutes. I HATE rapid cycling. I hate it with a passion. Anyways, there's really no point in my post except to vent. Thanks for allowing me to do that.

dreams,

vent away, we all need it! the only person here who know about what i'm going through just keeps telling me she'll pray for me. give me a f*****g break! like that'll help in any way. glad you found what you were looking for, know the frustration of that! i have ransacked presses and then found the thing in the first place i looked! can you give xanax and klonopin a try for sleep? and even relaxing during the day? they are supposedly the least addictive of the benzos although none of them are as addictive as they make out. as i'm pretty sure i've said before all the researchers should be made take the meds, experience the side effects and then they might put more effort into ones that don't have such horrendous impact on our lives! and yeah rapid cycling sucks!

dreams in neon · 02-22-2009, 04:19 AM

irishwriter,

I'm already taking Trazodone for sleep. I take a lower dosage when I'm feeling level and a higher dosage for when I'm feeling manic or can't sleep. My problem though is that I'm not disciplined all the time. If I want to stay up, I'll stay up because I don't have any need for sleep. That being said, ever since my pdoc gave me the higher PRN dosage sleep really hasn't been a problem for. I'm just having more difficulty with the rapid cycling. I find that the more stress I'm under, etc. the worse it gets. I either need to find a way to cope using CBT and/or find a med that will help calm me whenever I'm about to cycle.

dreams in neon · 02-22-2009, 11:10 AM

Hi everyone,

I decided to call my pdoc today due to the fact that I've been rapid cycling. Given the frequency of my cycling he strongly recommended I go IP again, but I told him I would rather not since I have just gotten out of the hospital. He was very understanding and said that he would prescribe Clonazepam 2-3x/day as needed for agitation whenever I feel myself start to cycle. He said it starts to take effect in 20 minutes and thinks this should be enough to help level me out when I need it, but also asked me if there were any changes I'd like to make to my meds. I couldn't think of anything because I'm happy with what I have, so I think this would be a good addition and exactly what I need since my rapid cycling seems to cause me problems when I become angry/irritated.

katlin09 · 02-22-2009, 01:12 PM

Dreams of the Neon variety,

Keewl, the clonozapen will elp, what strenght did he give you? It usually kicks in pretty quick. You know my pdoc asks me at each visit if there are any changes I'd like to make to my meds or change any or delete any, etc. and sometimes it annoys me, I want to say, ummm...your the Dr. So I downloaded a progam called Epocrates to my Blackberry, actually he told me about it, it's the same one he uses to check meds and cross contaminations, etc. So at least when he mentions a med I can pull it up on the spot and do some real quick research.

Man I am bouncing off the freaking walls today. I called both my pdoc and tdoc, at the offices, didn't want to call them at home because then I know they'll do something about this manic phase and I'll be back in normal "depressed" land. *lol* the house is spotless, I wore out the cat, got all the bills paid, re-organized the laundry rooms and pantry....this is pretty cool! The neighbors ony complained once about the loud music!

Hope the meds make you feel better soon.

kat

dreams in neon · 02-22-2009, 01:26 PM

Kat,

I think someone is enjoying their mania. LOL! You sound exactly like me. <grin> I LOVE my manias in the beginning, but by the end, I crash and burn into depression and agitation.

My pdoc prescribed a low dose of Clonazepam (.5mg) to be taken 2-3x/day as needed. I'm hoping it will help reduce my anger/irritability. I'm glad to hear that it's a fast-acting med. What I think I'm going to do as well as either bring some with me wherever I go and/or make sure to take some if I know ahead of time that I am going to cycle.

Kat, the pdoc I have now is awesome! He was *so* nice and patient with me over the phone today. He didn't rush me and when I thought he was going to scold me for not wanting to go IP he said, "That's quite allright. I understand." I was so relieved to hear him say that because I didn't want to go back to the hospital again. I know if I had, I would have been even more depressed and lonely. Tigger is 12 years old and I don't like being separated from her. When she's not with me I worry. The hospital did say that anytime I'm IP I could bring Tigger with me and they would be more than happy to take care of her, but I'd like to reserve that for when I don't have any options (i.e. my sister can't take care of her).

You know what, Kat? For the first time in a very long time, I actually feel optimistic about my rapid cycling improving. I know it won't go away completely, but even if I cycle once or twice a day I'll gladly take that over every hour or sometimes every minute!

Before I close, I wanted to say that I don't blame you at all for not wanting to call your pdoc given the way you feel. Mania feels good -- really good -- and when you have that feeling, you don't want to let go.

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