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Old 02-24-2009, 11:50 PM   #1
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Confused: Hypomania?

Hi everyone,

Tonight I had a conversation with my sister over the phone and she asked me if I was rapid cycling. I told her no, but she pointed out the fact that I was talking rapidly to the point where I couldn't be interrupted. She also said that I went from topic to topic talking over her without addressing anything she said. Earlier today in therapy my tdoc asked me why I was fidgeting and if I was nervous about something. He told me I was wringing my hands which I wasn't even aware I was doing. This afternoon I could feel the Clonazepam I took yesterday start to wear off, so now I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a result of this med losing its initial potency or if I'm hypomanic? I do feel pretty good right now. I've been up all night and do not feel tired, but part of that may be due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. How do I tell the difference between feeling level vs. being hypomanic? I could take a dose of Clonazepam to calm myself down, but would rather not because I love how I'm feeling right now. I feel content, very happy, confident and as if I can do 10 things at once. Just a little while ago I was planning Wedesday's activities inside my head and would like to take Tigger for a 2 hour walk, go to the grocery store, the bank, drugstore, take Tigger to the vet to have her nails trimmed as well as a bath and enjoy my favorite meal at a local restaurant. I'm also experiencing some racing thoughts although they aren't as severe as they are when I'm manic. I'm thinking about calling my pdoc to have him explain exactly what I should be feeling when hypomanic because I'm not even sure I can tell the difference. Does it sound to you like I'm hypomanic or could the way I'm feeling simply be the result of the Clonazepam wearing
off?
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
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Old 02-25-2009, 07:57 AM   #2
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Sounds to my like Hypomania... Can you keep up with your thoughts? I know when I get confused about how I am feeling my focus goes on my thoughts and if I can keep up with them (don't know if that makes sense). If I can't keep up with them I know I'm hypomania and if I could it was Dee-nah just being in a GOOD MOOD
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Old 02-25-2009, 10:40 AM   #3
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

*sigh* I give up. My sister told me that she paid for my Clonazepam when she went to the pharmacy to pick it up because my insurance wouldn't cover it. Now my pdoc's office told me that I need to get a list of meds from my insurance company that they will approve. I'm so tired. I can't deal with this. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being manic. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of bipolar. I'm tired of rapid cycling. It doesn't help that my insurance expires at the end of the month. I don't have the strength for this anymore. I really don't. I just want to hide under the covers and give up. I hate this damn disease. I hate it!

Right now I'm going to take the higher PRN dosage of my Trazodone so I can sleep the day away because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll end up SH'ing.

I can't take all of these mood swings already. Why can't God give me a break??? Can't I have a WEEK without rapid cycling or being manic??? I guess that's too much to ask. I'm off to bed.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-25-2009 at 10:41 AM.

 
Old 02-25-2009, 11:48 AM   #4
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

My pdoc called me back. I must really be confused because I told him that I wanted to increase my Depakote to 1500mg/day, but that's what I'm already taking. Nothing is making sense to me today. I've been taking meds for so long and my meds have been changed so often as of late that I don't even know what I'm taking. I just take them every morning, noon and night and don't even think about their dosage anymore. My pdoc had to calculate my mgs and dosage so that I could understand that I was already taking the second highest dose of Depakote. (Fortunately, he was patient.) In regards to the Clonazepam, I've decided to pay for this med out of pocket. It will cost $41/month, but Medicaid doesn't cover it even with a pre-authorization from my pdoc's office.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-25-2009 at 11:48 AM.

 
Old 02-25-2009, 05:42 PM   #5
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Dreams,

GF, I'm sorry your having this really rough time. I know it sucks and I mean really really sucks. I'd like to climb under the covers to and just give up. I'm so down I don't really even know what to say, i can't go for more than 10 min. without exploding into tears. Losing my job and subsequently my insurance in a month, has just crushed my world.

Why does it seem like you and I go through these totaly awful times together? Are we twins that were switched at birth? I'm with you though I hate this damn disease more than I've ever hated anything or anyone in my life and I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with it every day of my life.

I'll check in on you a bit later.

kat

 
Old 02-25-2009, 07:41 PM   #6
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Hi, friends,

You both have had more than your share recently.

kat - I can't imagine how depressing and frightening, disorienting the loss of your job and insurance is. Added to all the other stressors you've been through, time after time, I think you are doing well just to make your way through day by day. I wish I had some solution for you. My heart does go out to you.

neondreams - Yes, you're sick of it, of course. Your med changes alone would drive me nutz (well, more nutz). Did you only take the Klonopin that one time? (sp?) Give it some time - you're working on the rapid cycling, and (if I'm right) just began this med.

Both of you, hugs and hugs, and I only can say I am here to listen and try to help. I would say "have patience", but it's gone beyond that for you guys. "Endure" would be more like it - not that is not what you've been doing.

Sending all good thoughts and support,

Seaturtle

 
Old 02-25-2009, 09:28 PM   #7
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Seaturtle,

Thanks for your kind words of compassion. Actually these days I'm not even making it through the motion, I can barely get out of bed. I did mange to the Glaxo and Bristol Myers websites to sign up for free or reduced cost meds. also went to the walmart site and made a list of psych drugs that they carry for $4, that might be able to replace what I'm on now. Filed for unemployment, called someone about disability, have to call them back tomorrow. So I guess I've been semi productive from my bed. I'll have to change from the Lamictal and Abilify though, they are just way to expensive without insurance.

I'm glad to see your back on he boards, we missed you.

kat

 
Old 02-26-2009, 06:06 PM   #8
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Hey, kat,

You did a whole lot today, even if it was from your bed.
All that filing and searching for med help is draining. Give yourself a pat on the back for acting on your own behalf.
Is it the depression that makes you stay in bed, or the physical pain - or (probably) both?

Is your son still with you? How is that going?

****, woman, I think you are oing super well under the circumstances. Your life has just crashed in on you recently, and the fact that you are still coherent and able to seek out the help you need is a wonderment to me.

Friend, don't expect too much of yourself right now. Just do what you have do, maybe do the absolute minimum, get rest if you can, eat if you can, and for sure, you can count on me for whatever I can do.

I will be thinking of you and checking on you. You're really doing well, though it may not seem that way.

Huge hugs,

Seaturtle

 
Old 02-26-2009, 08:08 PM   #9
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Seaturtle,

I pretty much stay in bed becaus the depession is getting so bad I can't really manage to do anything but stay here and cycle between severe depression, thoughts of suicide. Yes Nick is stil with me, I would never let him go back to his alcoholic abusive manor on my 10 yr. old son. Thougts of him are what keep me from competing suicide.

I am so scared and I don't know what to do. I only got 4 months severance and after that I don't know what I'll do. Finding another job with all of my medical and mental problems will make it impossible. Having to take time off to go to dr's and therapy will get me fired in the fired in the first month. I just don't understand why I was fired and it's drivin me crazy. Why does all of this bad stuff keeping happening to me, am I really that bad of a person?

kat

 
Old 02-27-2009, 12:30 AM   #10
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Kat and Seaturtle,

I ended up taking a Clonazepam yesterday and sleeping for most of the day. I just woke up and am feeling level again. It's almost 2:30 in the morning, but that's okay. I'm going to stay up for another half-hour and try to get back to sleep again at 3am. Seaturtle, you are correct that the Clonazepam is a new med. I just started taking it 3 days ago. It worked really well yesterday. 20 minutes after taking it I felt calmer, but decided to go to sleep just because I was so emotionally exhausted. I spoke to my pdoc by phone a day ago and he said I'm hypomanic. My next appointment with him is on Monday. If I continue to rapid cycle, I will let him know so that we can make some additional med adjustments. Hopefully though, that won't be the case. By the way, I'm also going to ask my tdoc when I see him next week if we can work on DBT to help control my cycling. Kat, hang in there! It seems that you and I are always going through something together, doesn't it? I really am beginning to wonder if we aren't twins. Since I'm feeling level again, hopefully this will mean your depression lifts and that everything in your life starts to improve.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-27-2009 at 12:34 AM.

 
Old 02-27-2009, 08:13 PM   #11
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Hey guys!

It seems as though some of you are having a real bad time with this rapid cycling situation, and feeling like you are at rock bottom. All I'll say is don't let it beat you. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You can get better.

It seems as though your medication combination is incorrect, and this is what is causing the rapid cycling. Finding the right medication can fix this. Its just luck of the draw I'm afraid.

About 2 years ago, I had the most extreme manic episode one could imagine. Psychosis, hullicinations, no sleep, rapid speech and a warped mind (I believed I had special powers). I would cycle through extreme happiness, excitement, tears and extreme aggression in the space of like 10 minutes. It was completely nuts. It lasted about a week, and then I was hospitalised for a month and diagnosed with Bipolar disorder - A very dark time in my life.

I was put on depakote and Olanzipine. I thought I'd never be the same again, and was embarrased and haunted by my previous behaviour, for many of the following months.

Luckily, the medication was spot on though, and I quickly stabilised. I had lost all my previous confidence and esteem though, and it took me a while to blend back into my life and feel normal again.

As the months passed, I was still stable, and I was gradually getting my confidence back. Feeling like the old me.

My PDoc said I could now start reducing medication. This was great news.

I gradually weened myself off the medication completely, and I have been med free and stable for a year now. My life is back to normal and I feel free from this disease. This is a true success story and the same could happen to you.

I won't lie and say that the memories are completely gone, as occassionally I do have nightmares about relapsing, and I'm occassionally worried about it happening again, but 99% of the time I'm positive, and the more time that passes, the more distant those memories become.

I got my life back, and became free from bipolar.

The human mind is so strong and powerful. An imbalance of brain chemicals is the cause of this, and the right medication can and will fix it.

Don't ever give up hope.

I hope my words can be inspirational to you.

All the best and good luck.

 
Old 02-27-2009, 10:16 PM   #12
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

I don't think I could ever go off of meds completely. If truth be told, I'm afraid to after what I experienced during my first manic/psychotic episode. I heard over 20 different voices that spoke of death and dying, who tried to convince me that I was in h*ll and had died in an auto accident, who argued with and shouted at each other, who commented on everything I did and who tried to get me to harm myself by swallowing an entire bottle of Tylenol. I personally do not think I'm on the wrong med combo. As my pdoc and tdoc explained to me, rapid cycling is a biological response that I will always struggle with whether I'm on meds or not. Add to that my symptoms of auditory hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. Right now my pdoc is trying to get my rapid cycling down to once or twice/day. With the Clonazepam, I finally think that's possible. As for my other meds, I'm already on 1500mg Depakote and 20mg of Fluoxetine. I've been told this is a good med combo for treating mania and depression, so I want to hold out a little longer to see if it works. Besides, I've only been on Fluoxetine since January, so it may take another 2 weeks or so before I'm able to notice the full effects. I *don't* want to be overlymedicated to where I stop rapid cycling and am unable to feel anything. I'd rather rapid cycle and then take a Clonazepam 2-3x/day as needed whenever I feel myself start to cycle. My pdoc told me that my case of bipolar is considered "severe." I'm glad he was honest because the last thing I want is to have false hope that everything will be okay when the reality is that I will continue to struggle from time to time. Bipolar is a lifelong illness that requires meds and cannot be willed away by hope or wishful thinking.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-27-2009, 10:26 PM   #13
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Meds can reduce the symptoms of bipolar, but cannot eliminate them completely. Thinking otherwise is being unrealistic. If left untreated, bipolar can become worse as one ages leading to progressively severe manic episodes. The manic/psychotic episode I had in 2006 was bad enough. I can't imagine experiencing anything worse: auditory hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, extreme confusion, extreme irritability, mania and racing thoughts. Thanks to that manic episode, I now have 7 different types of paranoia I can't get over and must take an antipsychotic for. I also need to take an antipsychotic for fear of hearing voices during a manic episode (even though I've been hearing voices for the past 18 years. Both my pdoc and tdoc think I've had bipolar ever since 1991, but my manic/psychotic episode 3 years ago is what caused me to finally be diagnosed with the disorder even though I clearly showed symptoms back then.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-27-2009, 10:33 PM   #14
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Dreams,

I think that guy is in a whole different situation than you, he mentions cycling during weeks or months it seems. I don't think he understands that some people like you, for example, actually rapid cycle throughout the day sometimes several time an hour.

And as for going off meds? I don't think anyone should come on this board touting how going off meds is so great because if some people read that and took it seriously and stopped their meds it would be very harmful, if not deadly for them.

Myself for instance, if I stopped taking my meds: Lamictal, Cymbalta, Abilify, Bupar, Klonipin, Topamax and sometimes Seroquel for sleep issues...I would probably committ suicide in a matter of a week or so, that's how bad my Suicidal Depression is.

kat

 
Old 02-27-2009, 10:38 PM   #15
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Re: Confused: Hypomania?

Kat,

THANK YOU for your post. Someone needs to read it and realize just how serious bipolar really is. It's a dangerous illness and between 10-15% of people who are unmedicated commit suicide.

...and you're right. I don't think the previous poster understands rapid cycling. Rapid cycling from month to month is an entirely different ballgame than rapid cycling every hour or sometimes every minute like I do. My pdoc gave it to me straight last month. He said, "dreams, you're never going to be cured of rapid cycling. It's a biological chemical imbalance that will be with you for as long as you're bipolar. The best we can do is try and slow down your cycling to once or twice a day. Given the severity of your bipolar, I think it's unrealistic to expect anything more than that." I think he's right and I appreciate his honesty. At least he's not giving me some you-know-what story about how my bipolar can be treated if I just took my meds every day and thought positively. Sorry, but bipolar doesn't work that way. If it did, there would be no need for pdocs or tdocs.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

Last edited by dreams in neon; 02-27-2009 at 10:39 PM.

 
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