Confused: Hypomania? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

dreams in neon · 02-25-2009, 12:50 AM

Hi everyone,

Tonight I had a conversation with my sister over the phone and she asked me if I was rapid cycling. I told her no, but she pointed out the fact that I was talking rapidly to the point where I couldn't be interrupted. She also said that I went from topic to topic talking over her without addressing anything she said. Earlier today in therapy my tdoc asked me why I was fidgeting and if I was nervous about something. He told me I was wringing my hands which I wasn't even aware I was doing. This afternoon I could feel the Clonazepam I took yesterday start to wear off, so now I'm wondering if what I'm feeling is a result of this med losing its initial potency or if I'm hypomanic? I do feel pretty good right now. I've been up all night and do not feel tired, but part of that may be due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. How do I tell the difference between feeling level vs. being hypomanic? I could take a dose of Clonazepam to calm myself down, but would rather not because I love how I'm feeling right now. I feel content, very happy, confident and as if I can do 10 things at once. Just a little while ago I was planning Wedesday's activities inside my head and would like to take Tigger for a 2 hour walk, go to the grocery store, the bank, drugstore, take Tigger to the vet to have her nails trimmed as well as a bath and enjoy my favorite meal at a local restaurant. I'm also experiencing some racing thoughts although they aren't as severe as they are when I'm manic. I'm thinking about calling my pdoc to have him explain exactly what I should be feeling when hypomanic because I'm not even sure I can tell the difference. Does it sound to you like I'm hypomanic or could the way I'm feeling simply be the result of the Clonazepam wearing
off?

Dee-nah · 02-25-2009, 08:57 AM

Sounds to my like Hypomania... Can you keep up with your thoughts? I know when I get confused about how I am feeling my focus goes on my thoughts and if I can keep up with them (don't know if that makes sense). If I can't keep up with them I know I'm hypomania and if I could it was Dee-nah just being in a GOOD MOOD

dreams in neon · 02-25-2009, 11:40 AM

*sigh* I give up. My sister told me that she paid for my Clonazepam when she went to the pharmacy to pick it up because my insurance wouldn't cover it. Now my pdoc's office told me that I need to get a list of meds from my insurance company that they will approve. I'm so tired. I can't deal with this. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being manic. I'm tired of being depressed. I'm tired of meds. I'm tired of bipolar. I'm tired of rapid cycling. It doesn't help that my insurance expires at the end of the month. I don't have the strength for this anymore. I really don't. I just want to hide under the covers and give up. I hate this damn disease. I hate it!

Right now I'm going to take the higher PRN dosage of my Trazodone so I can sleep the day away because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'll end up SH'ing.

I can't take all of these mood swings already. Why can't God give me a break??? Can't I have a WEEK without rapid cycling or being manic??? I guess that's too much to ask. I'm off to bed.

dreams in neon · 02-25-2009, 12:48 PM

My pdoc called me back. I must really be confused because I told him that I wanted to increase my Depakote to 1500mg/day, but that's what I'm already taking. Nothing is making sense to me today. I've been taking meds for so long and my meds have been changed so often as of late that I don't even know what I'm taking. I just take them every morning, noon and night and don't even think about their dosage anymore. My pdoc had to calculate my mgs and dosage so that I could understand that I was already taking the second highest dose of Depakote. (Fortunately, he was patient.) In regards to the Clonazepam, I've decided to pay for this med out of pocket. It will cost $41/month, but Medicaid doesn't cover it even with a pre-authorization from my pdoc's office.

katlin09 · 02-25-2009, 06:42 PM

Dreams,

GF, I'm sorry your having this really rough time. I know it sucks and I mean really really sucks. I'd like to climb under the covers to and just give up. I'm so down I don't really even know what to say, i can't go for more than 10 min. without exploding into tears. Losing my job and subsequently my insurance in a month, has just crushed my world.

Why does it seem like you and I go through these totaly awful times together? Are we twins that were switched at birth? I'm with you though I hate this damn disease more than I've ever hated anything or anyone in my life and I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with it every day of my life.

I'll check in on you a bit later.

kat