Now ex as of two weeks ago when she did a 180 overnight and I went from bestfriend and boyfriend she wanted to marry to stranger. Thinks its ok only two weeks after the breakup for me to come home to her making breakfast for her two kids, and some guy she has been talking to and his kid. We are currently under the same roof but hoping to get out of the lease this week.
Thing is, she denies that its BP because her counselor through her school told her otherwise. She told me she has known since she was hospitialized at 12 for suicide attempt, that she either knew she was bp, diagnosed, something to that effect. Whatever the case she shows PRIME symptoms of mania.
Exactly last year at this time she did a 180 on me one day, suddenly she was disgusted we were ever together like that. Yet she called me everyday for a month while refusing to see me and just wanted to be friends. Also during that time she spent $2-3000 in a few weeks, yet she is ALWAYS strapped for cash and for her kids, this was tax money. Slapped on the makeup every weekend and would get loaded with new party friends. Then after about a month suddenly she sort of crashed, suddenly sick of the partying and started to seem like herself again. Of course we then started to hang out and started this serious relationship.
Feb 2009, here we are again. Only this time she has been after me to propose to her the whole past year, and got me to move into a house with her 3 months ago. Of course being told she loves me all the time. Two weeks ago she did a 180, suddenly hated me, wants nothing to do with me, disgusted with me AGAIN. Speaks to me with nothing but anger and hatred. Spent over $2000 in a week again from her taxes, makeup back on, out every weekend partying already and now this crap I came home to this morning with this guy, just a "friend" of course. Yet she redid her bedroom in his edgy style and bought new black and red silk sheets the same day he happened to be coming.
I dont know what she said to her kids but they wont even look at me anymore. Thats the scariest part of this is what she is doing to them. Dragging them through guy after guy pulling this garbage. I dont, what you people think? Bipolar? because I sure as hell cant imagine what else you call that. She even said her last bf, she printed out stuff on BP for him when they first got together. Why would she do that if she didnt think she had it?
Cujo im sorry things havent been going well, it had to be super tough coming home to some random guy. What youve said sounds like BP symptoms but of course none of us can dx her. If this is a stage of mania, she may be calling you when she comes down. You should think now about whether or not you'll be there for her should that happen. No matter what you decide you will then have a plan of action (like saying no and meaning it to prevent additional heartache on everyones behalf or learning ways to better help her cope and get help).
Yea that was my biggest concern was losing my bestfriend. So for the past two weeks I have been bending over backwards for her. Being extra nice and trying to be civil despite she broke up with me and was treating me like ****. Well I let her manipulate and walk all over me so today when I came in to this, enough was enough. I went over and spoke with her parents about my concerns, for the kids sake. They always knew she was messed up but most people who dont truly understand BP, just dont understand what you are saying to them.
I dated a girl before with it so I am quite versed in it. She was beyond livid after finding out i was over at her parents, so her talking to me when she comes down is hard to imagine. Last year she continued to talk to me everyday when she didnt want to see me. This time though since the breakup its hardly anything, becasue she has this new "buddy" right now. Well does she really think thats going to last? the guy looks like a convict, totally irrational. Part of me really wants that, to atleast have my friend and her to realize what she did. But another part of me says how many times do you want to do this, the therapist isnt even helping her with it.
Well, I hope you do not mind me interjecting here, but I see one thing, from all of this.
Nowhere, do you mention you! You mention all you are doing for her, but never anything you are doing for you.
I am going to be frank and not claim I know alot about Bipolar disorder although I do know it is a very damaging condition, not just to the person, but to the people around the sufferer.
I think, from what you have said, that you have more than supported her. She is clearly suffering, but goodness, how can you be not? She needs to get her help balanced, her medication stabilised and those children to at least some form of security.
You sound like you know what she needs to do, it is you who souds unsure of what you need to do.
Take care of you, come on, who is doing that? This could well drag you down, you sound so kind, but you are going to have to toughen up a bit here, I am not in any way minimising this terrible disorder, but it sounds as thought her treatment is not working very well and she has only you for support. All of her cash vehicles should be removed, her partying needs to stop, her children need some help, as they now appear alienated from the one person who they could rely on.
Get her the help that is right for her, you can do that, hold her by the shoulders and tell her, that you are there, but you will not be there to watch her destroy herself and her children. Bipolar is a condition, but if she has the intelligence to go and wasted, then she has the intelligence to sit and recognise that she is a mother and all of this can be addressed and managed.
Time for some tough love here, so that you can all get some normality back in your lives, she is an adult, but those children need some stability and it sounds appalling at the moment.
I feel for you, completely and am amazed at your patience, I know that this disorder needs love and patience, but truly? How much more can you take?
Get her the help she needs, the correct help, then take a step back whilst that help and with the knowledge that she must have, that this can be addressed, she can only get to the starting block and then realise that she has to be able to go forward instead of side stepping and going backwards.
There is not much you can do in my view, until she gets to that point, she may have bipolar, but she also has a responsibility for herself and her children, this needs to be pointed out to her. You are not responsible for her, only yourself.
I wish you luck and I hope my first response on this site, has not been too frank.
Thanks Somer. Actually I am going to start seeing a psychiatrist this week. This is my second time involved with someone with BP. The first girl I knew for sure had it, she was on meds when i met her and she told me in the beginning. This girl, mentioned it in the beginning but was never clear. However she always talked about having bipolar moments during these times she would act so strangely. And printing out info for her last boyfriend etc.., im sure right now its nothing more then denial since shes "in it". When this first started she was basically saying not everything is her bipolar when trying to justify her actions. Who knows, it could be a mixture of things, but what I know is she has been troubled since the age of 12 and she is now 30. So the longer she does this the worse she is going to get and so far its been a pattern in her life, even before me.
But you are right, and im trying to cope with this. The hardest part is losing that bestfriend i had. Last year when this happened she still called me every single day but just didnt see me for a month, during which she had her episode or "moment". This time though its like I have been shunned because she is suddenly infatuated and talking to this other guy who was here. In her clearer state of mind, the girl i knew two weeks ago never would have done this. If the relationship didnt work out thats fine, but her and i bonded as the best of friends from day one and I cannot begin imagine that she will never crash out of this and realize what happened to her best friend?. And if that time comes should i even be there.
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