Now ex as of two weeks ago when she did a 180 overnight and I went from bestfriend and boyfriend she wanted to marry to stranger. Thinks its ok only two weeks after the breakup for me to come home to her making breakfast for her two kids, and some guy she has been talking to and his kid. We are currently under the same roof but hoping to get out of the lease this week.
Thing is, she denies that its BP because her counselor through her school told her otherwise. She told me she has known since she was hospitialized at 12 for suicide attempt, that she either knew she was bp, diagnosed, something to that effect. Whatever the case she shows PRIME symptoms of mania.
Exactly last year at this time she did a 180 on me one day, suddenly she was disgusted we were ever together like that. Yet she called me everyday for a month while refusing to see me and just wanted to be friends. Also during that time she spent $2-3000 in a few weeks, yet she is ALWAYS strapped for cash and for her kids, this was tax money. Slapped on the makeup every weekend and would get loaded with new party friends. Then after about a month suddenly she sort of crashed, suddenly sick of the partying and started to seem like herself again. Of course we then started to hang out and started this serious relationship.
Feb 2009, here we are again. Only this time she has been after me to propose to her the whole past year, and got me to move into a house with her 3 months ago. Of course being told she loves me all the time. Two weeks ago she did a 180, suddenly hated me, wants nothing to do with me, disgusted with me AGAIN. Speaks to me with nothing but anger and hatred. Spent over $2000 in a week again from her taxes, makeup back on, out every weekend partying already and now this crap I came home to this morning with this guy, just a "friend" of course. Yet she redid her bedroom in his edgy style and bought new black and red silk sheets the same day he happened to be coming.
I dont know what she said to her kids but they wont even look at me anymore. Thats the scariest part of this is what she is doing to them. Dragging them through guy after guy pulling this garbage. I dont, what you people think? Bipolar? because I sure as hell cant imagine what else you call that. She even said her last bf, she printed out stuff on BP for him when they first got together. Why would she do that if she didnt think she had it?
Cujo im sorry things havent been going well, it had to be super tough coming home to some random guy. What youve said sounds like BP symptoms but of course none of us can dx her. If this is a stage of mania, she may be calling you when she comes down. You should think now about whether or not you'll be there for her should that happen. No matter what you decide you will then have a plan of action (like saying no and meaning it to prevent additional heartache on everyones behalf or learning ways to better help her cope and get help).
Yea that was my biggest concern was losing my bestfriend. So for the past two weeks I have been bending over backwards for her. Being extra nice and trying to be civil despite she broke up with me and was treating me like ****. Well I let her manipulate and walk all over me so today when I came in to this, enough was enough. I went over and spoke with her parents about my concerns, for the kids sake. They always knew she was messed up but most people who dont truly understand BP, just dont understand what you are saying to them.
I dated a girl before with it so I am quite versed in it. She was beyond livid after finding out i was over at her parents, so her talking to me when she comes down is hard to imagine. Last year she continued to talk to me everyday when she didnt want to see me. This time though since the breakup its hardly anything, becasue she has this new "buddy" right now. Well does she really think thats going to last? the guy looks like a convict, totally irrational. Part of me really wants that, to atleast have my friend and her to realize what she did. But another part of me says how many times do you want to do this, the therapist isnt even helping her with it.
Well, I hope you do not mind me interjecting here, but I see one thing, from all of this.
Nowhere, do you mention you! You mention all you are doing for her, but never anything you are doing for you.
I am going to be frank and not claim I know alot about Bipolar disorder although I do know it is a very damaging condition, not just to the person, but to the people around the sufferer.
I think, from what you have said, that you have more than supported her. She is clearly suffering, but goodness, how can you be not? She needs to get her help balanced, her medication stabilised and those children to at least some form of security.
You sound like you know what she needs to do, it is you who souds unsure of what you need to do.
Take care of you, come on, who is doing that? This could well drag you down, you sound so kind, but you are going to have to toughen up a bit here, I am not in any way minimising this terrible disorder, but it sounds as thought her treatment is not working very well and she has only you for support. All of her cash vehicles should be removed, her partying needs to stop, her children need some help, as they now appear alienated from the one person who they could rely on.
Get her the help that is right for her, you can do that, hold her by the shoulders and tell her, that you are there, but you will not be there to watch her destroy herself and her children. Bipolar is a condition, but if she has the intelligence to go and wasted, then she has the intelligence to sit and recognise that she is a mother and all of this can be addressed and managed.
Time for some tough love here, so that you can all get some normality back in your lives, she is an adult, but those children need some stability and it sounds appalling at the moment.
I feel for you, completely and am amazed at your patience, I know that this disorder needs love and patience, but truly? How much more can you take?
Get her the help she needs, the correct help, then take a step back whilst that help and with the knowledge that she must have, that this can be addressed, she can only get to the starting block and then realise that she has to be able to go forward instead of side stepping and going backwards.
There is not much you can do in my view, until she gets to that point, she may have bipolar, but she also has a responsibility for herself and her children, this needs to be pointed out to her. You are not responsible for her, only yourself.
I wish you luck and I hope my first response on this site, has not been too frank.
Thanks Somer. Actually I am going to start seeing a psychiatrist this week. This is my second time involved with someone with BP. The first girl I knew for sure had it, she was on meds when i met her and she told me in the beginning. This girl, mentioned it in the beginning but was never clear. However she always talked about having bipolar moments during these times she would act so strangely. And printing out info for her last boyfriend etc.., im sure right now its nothing more then denial since shes "in it". When this first started she was basically saying not everything is her bipolar when trying to justify her actions. Who knows, it could be a mixture of things, but what I know is she has been troubled since the age of 12 and she is now 30. So the longer she does this the worse she is going to get and so far its been a pattern in her life, even before me.
But you are right, and im trying to cope with this. The hardest part is losing that bestfriend i had. Last year when this happened she still called me every single day but just didnt see me for a month, during which she had her episode or "moment". This time though its like I have been shunned because she is suddenly infatuated and talking to this other guy who was here. In her clearer state of mind, the girl i knew two weeks ago never would have done this. If the relationship didnt work out thats fine, but her and i bonded as the best of friends from day one and I cannot begin imagine that she will never crash out of this and realize what happened to her best friend?. And if that time comes should i even be there.
So now she has called me about 5 times in the past three hours. Each time going on about why i went to her parents lastnight. Which was 100% out of concern and what I witnessed to be identical to her "breakdown" last year. Of course she insists there is nothing wrong with her and is totally turning the whole mess on me now.
I dont know what to think, I cant believe helping someone has blown up in my face this much. Now it went from we need time to be friends because she is appalled at me telling them (which makes you wonder, is it legitimate or did i expose her irrational actions?) to never wanting to talk to me again. And she keeps saying leave her alone yet she keeps calling me and going on and on. Im confused, as if maybe she wants to forgive me but is fighting it?
Ummm....does your phone have an off button? Seriously what the other poster said about taking care of "you"....you might want to seriously think about that. I've had BP and a really serious form of it for 20 years, been married for 21 and would never expect my husband to hang around and take that kind of crap. You can't make someone get help.....she can only get help when she hits that "proverbial brick wall" and decides to get help.
I don't mean to sound blunt, but how much of this are you willing to take? You really need to put your foot down, demand that you won't accept this kind of behavior and start thinking about yourself for a change. Just because someone is bipolar doesn't give them the right to treat anyone they wish with disrespect. If I were you, I would have ended this relationship yesterday.
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN
Just wanted to second Kat's opinion. I have been bipolar since I was 12 which is over 32 years and have only sought treatment over the last 8 or 9..... I can remember being like your friend and I look back now at my behavior and I'm horrified even knowing that a lot of it was not controllable.
However, having concerrn for her kids is truly within reason and good for you on that part!
Tigger's correct concern for the children is a legitimate concern, have you or her parents ever considered calling CPS? I don't see how she can possibly be taking care of those kids properly if she's like you describe?
Well thats whats so confusing and been difficult to understand with both of the girls I dated with this. Their ability to seem normal in front of everyone but me it seems, that or other people just think oh their extra fun right now. Again, with this one its not 100% confirmed but everything I described is accurate. But she never gets bad enough she has to be hospitialized or anything like that. Makes me wonder EXACTLY what type she has, or if its something similar like BPD and more. She has everyone on a string including her mom, and she can put on a show better then any actor. Its definitely not a out of control psychosis type of mania.
Again the main things I noticed which were the same as last year was the sudden change in personality, looks, actions, spending, attitude and total 180 with me. Thats the other thing she keeps pointing out, that shes just that way to me. However, from what I gathered I thought those closest to you were the ones who get shunned and the most and treated badly. Her mom also said that for the past two weeks she feels like she has been yelled at alot and treated badly. People definitely notice stuff but its not enough for them to be concerned to do something about it. My ex simply covers her tracks and explains to them her version and suddenly everything doesnt seem so bad to them. The kids are definitely being taken care of, however the yelling etc... was questionable. Of course though she had a excuse for that too, excuse for EVERYTHING including why she wasted my time for the past year. Ultimately im left even more confused and hurt and feeling did I waste my time trying to understand and help someone with BP?. The first girl i dealt with who had it hit rock bottom 2 years ago and now shes doing much much better. She actually even thanked me for trying to help. This one though, who knows, it could be a number of mental issues and some with bipolar features?
Indeed, everyday is more pain around here. Yesterday this guy magically stopped by to give her a birthday card. Of course since I have been being cool to her she was unusually nice, but still totally whacky, fast talking just a different girl then i knew 3 weeks ago.
I went to a psychologist lastnight and started the process of getting over her and letting these rollercoaster experiences go. In no way am I slamming those with BP. But I put in the past 5 years of my life doing research, going to meetings, doing all I can to understand the condition in hopes to help these loved ones, especially this one, the girl I thought I was finally going to marry. I have no idea how long it will be before this heart is healed, it may never be. But its scary, and I miss her like crazy and just wish that girl I fell for would be back today and not already off another rollercoaster ride with some other guy. Seems she will never learn and most likely never hold down a solid relationship.
I don't think anyone here thinks you're "slamming" BP'ers. You've definitely had you're fill, and some of us just aren't helpable, until we reach the bottom and decide that it's time for help. You sound like a genuinly nice guy that deserves an easier life. Not all BP'ers can have relationships and the lives that go with them, so you need to learn to not take the blame on yourself. It's great that you're seeing a therapist, I think that will help you get over this immensly.
Thanks Kat. I think the biggest step is hoping someone takes over the rental lease on this house. Now that she actually talks to me, its nice.....to a point. And then reality hits when I cant just go upstairs and hug my girl, who is now someone elses. I definitely tried hard, and I pray for you all because honestly the two girls I have been with who have BP have been some of the most creative, fun, interesting people I have ever met. It absolutely crushes me I cant have them in my life the way I wanted, such beautiful people and I am VERY picky so its not easy
Someone with bipolar can have a solid relationship if they are on and taking their meds. Without them thye person is moody and irrational and unpredictable. If you feel that you have done all you can then move on but if not try to get her to see her doctor and mabe you could go with her to explain what has been going on. It helped me to have my supportive husband at my appointments.
I also think it would be a good idea to call CPS. If this woman is as unstable as you claim, it's best that her children be removed until she is able to maintain some stability.
I'd agree with this IF cujo said he come home to her layin in bed with some guy and the kids were running around outside (or she wasnt sending them to school, theyre always dirty, hungry, etc..) but c'mon people, she was fixing them breakfast. I didn't notice anything in cujos posts that hints these kids aren't cared for properly.
CPS can't and won't remove a child for something so trivial. CPS hardly removes abused/neglected children.
I dont understand what was really said for you guys to suggest their involvement. "Yeah, I THINK this lady might be bipolar and she had this guy over and she fed him breakfast. Oooh yeah, she's spending her tax money, wearing more makeup than usual, she redone her bedroom, and is going out more often than she usually does."