Not a good day. - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

chelsea88 · 03-07-2009, 03:33 PM

I finally managed to get myself to bed at a reasonable hour last night. Though I was up by 4am... I'm having the worst nightmares of my life and that does not help. All day I've been so on edge and just angry at everyone and everything. I got in the shower and broke down. Threw things around and then started crying. My sister came home and asked what was wrong and I didn't even know what to say so I told her to leave me alone.

Will this ever end?

I feel like a child. A bratty one. But I can't help it, everything seems worthless and horrible.

katlin09 · 03-07-2009, 08:37 PM

Chelsea,

Please forgive my memory lapse and stupidity, have you been diagnosed and are you on meds?

I hear you about the night troubles, I'm the opposite of you, I don't ever fall asleep until 4 or 4:30 then have to be up by 7:30 or 8:00. So I figure one of these days I'm going to crash big time...just a matter of time, and unfortunatly this is with sleep meds.

I think you were wise to let some steam off in the shower, hey it's better than taking it out on your family or friends. Sometimes we just have to let all the crap out, or it comes at us like an avalanche and burries us. So don't feel bad about that, if anything feel wise for choosing the right thing to do. As for your sister, once again we don't alwasy have the "right" answer or any answer. When you feel better or more stable, then perhaps if you want you can go to her and say,"I was having a really stressful day, the BP was really spiking that day, and I'm sorry for being short with you." That way if you think you hurt her feelings or something, you can fix it if you feel the need.

And yes there will be times that you do feel better and more stable, although it doesn't always feel that way, just try and hang on.

kat

chelsea88 · 03-08-2009, 12:41 PM

Thanks for your response, Kalin. I am not on meds yet and I've only met with my psychiatrist just once. I meet with them again tomorrow. She did say that she was considering it and thinks I should consider it, too. So, I am. I really don't want to because I'm not even sure if I have BP. Yes, I have the symptoms, but like today I feel perfectly fine- happy even. Whereas the last month or so I'd say I've been suicidal a lot of the time. I don't know what to make of it. I guess I'll just have to let it play out and work my way through it...

Thank you for your help.

katlin09 · 03-08-2009, 04:03 PM

Chelsea,

What does your Psychiatrist thing regarding your Diagnosis, have they mentioned anything yet?

kat

seaturtle · 03-08-2009, 07:27 PM

Hi,

Well, what you describe - the radical changes in mood, the rage, sounds like bp to me. Of course, your diagnosis depends on you evaluation.
Please be open to medication. It has made all the difference for me.
Wherever you are, we're here to listen and support you.
Let us know how the pdoc appointment goes. You don't need to be suffering like that. meds and therapy can help a lot.

Be in touch,

Seaturtle