am i manic too ?
Everything was going well for a few days again since my first post here , we seemed to be on even ground again with my possibly manic girlfriend , then tonight I asked her if she had spoken to her first love again , instant change in mood and not wanting to talk about it on her behalf , so I asked if she still intended to meet him in june or had she told him to bog off , she said she was still going to meet him , I asked why , she didn't have a reason , i got a bit angry and frustrated again and said I would call him up and grabbed her bag with her phone in , she flipped and hit me numerous times trying to make me give it back , screaming at the top of her voice almost hysterically , telling me to calm down , when i wasn't even a quarter as hysterical as her ????
Cue it's all over again , but i am finding it really hard to just leave her
A big part of me wants to help her
A big part of me loves her unconditionally
and a big part of me is so close to the edge i have been having very horrible thoughts
when i look back over the past i have had many many depressive periods , and when my chips are down i seem to remember every bad thing that has been said or done to me , as well as every embarrassing moment - it even makes me question my gender dysphoria as a possible escape from the ups and downs i was always having since a child , or is it the gender dysphoria that has caused this - sigh !!!!
My girlfriend during her episode tonight seemed to have forgotten all she had said a few days ago about finding lots in common with bipolar folks and again was like a brick wall impervious to anything i say or do to try to make her see what she is doing , she never has a logical or rational answer for anything and is either attacking , insulting or says something nasty thats completely unrelated to anything
I have questioned my self lots in the last 2 years or so , is it me causing all this , am I the one who is overreacting , I have had to ask my parents and friends their opinions on this matter , being brutally honest about everything happening on both sides , ( often actually toning down what she has been like or done to avoid people hating her ) and i have been mostly told that I am the stable one , i have faults and I know what they are and can admit to them and sometimes act upon them to improve myself (when not depressed)
she says she has asked her friends the same things but i believe she leaves out the bad things she does or says and just moans off about me , hence not getting any real advice from anyone , just what she wants to hear ( same as with her status messages leaving out important facts like her punching me 3 times and warning her i would slap her face if she continued to be hysterical - and simply saying i had hit her and she wouldn;t accept that or let anyone do that to her again !!! )
I am at the end of my tether , maybe I am completely wrong for her and am the cause of all this , but she has told me she has been like this in past relationships and has been infatuated with about 70-80 different guys ( she read her old diaries while in poland this february )
tonight during her most angry moments she said she would set up my friend and get him put in jail ???
she wont listen to any of my family , who she was very close with over our relationship , but as they tell her more and more that she is ill and needs help and also what she is doing to me and how it affects me , she has just put up another impervious wall , and noone is getting through to her
seriously , what do i do as I have run out of ideas and am now myself on the edge